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TNP Vending Machine!

You get :console:

I insert one used brilliant-cut diamond engagement ring in a tiffany setting.
 
You get a complete copy of the city of Bohn, in miniature.

I insert Bob Crowe, RMT General Secretary, mainly because it would be immensely hilarious squeezing his enormous ass into a teeny change slot.
 
You get a bad case of the flu and an unsightly rash that actually looks like Abraham Lincoln so you go on Oprah and end up getting an endorsement deal and become a millionaire only to lose it all on gambling and whores.

I insert a witty comment
 
The most delicious sandwich ever made. Or at least it was. 20 odd days back when you put your dog-gumbo combo in. Now its less than delicious. Considerably so.

I put my desire for spam in.
 
You get: A small bottle marked "drink me", the hind-leg of a large white rabbit and a collection of assorted marbles.

I place the nib of a fountain pen into the machine.
 
Whilst Harry was none to pleased with the transmogrification, he is expelled into your crotch area as a swarm of angry Death Bees!

I place a small African tribesman into the machine.
 
In return you get the newest, shortest internet billionaire.

I place all the members, past and present, of Iron Maiden into the machine.
 
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