TNP Vending Machine!

You get handcuffs and detailed instructuions on how to properly use them during sexual activities.

I insert a dildoe.
 
You get a blue card key! Now you can open the door on level 2 and face the final boss - Space Demon Man Person with a Large Gatling Gun.

I insert my ex-girlfriend.
 
You get back every picture on the internet that can be constituted as porn...... by the Amish.

a bottle of butane.
 
You get some ABC gum. (If you get the gag, cheers to you!)

I insert my mom and some random pieces of a cardboard box
 
You get Ozzy....so high on drugs that it sounds like you're at a Mickey D's drive thru.

I insert weeble wobbles and some googly-eyed walnuts
 
You get the secwet pwize: a brand new used copy of The Secret Island of Dr. Quandary! Muahahaha.



I insert my copy of Master of Orion (the original).
 
You get it back....except 20 pages are missing

I insert some shirt buttons, bobby pins, and a plaid swatch
 
You get reassignment! Congratulations Squid Catcher #499-3958b!! Report to your nearest indoctrination station immediately.


Edit: I insert a half full cup of sprite and a used post it
 
You get Tardy from Crank Yankers. (<Tardy> YAY! </Tardy>)

I insert my need for self worth and some Hershey's chocolates
 
You get visions of the end of the world.

I insert some tampons, ice cream and a package of Oreo cookies.
 
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