Trebizondia | A Rising Power of the Black Sea

Internet service is too costly for normal people to purchase.

Whole-wheat loaves can only be ordered on the dark web.

Holidays are regarded as the most miserable time of the year.

Most farmers are indentured to agrochemical conglomerates.

The country's population is reported with a margin of error of several billions.
 
Film studios own the rights to actors' likenesses until the next millennium.

The request to "give us our daily bread" can only be fulfilled six days out of seven.

Citizens are allowed to rise or fall based on their own merits.
 
The numbers on the latest spending report are reaching stellar levels.

Cosmopolitan citizens ask what their countries can do for them.

All the cool kids have tetanus.
 
Citizens who plan overseas vacations are barred from running for political office.

Weird kids who eat bugs are breaking the law.

Politicians constantly ring their voters to remind them how good a job they're doing.

Ancestry test results arrive bundled with patent applications.
 
Saturday morning cartoons feature full frontal nudity.

Chanting protestors ask "WHAT DO WE WANT?" and reply "MORE OF THE SAME".

The new cheese tax is colloquially known as "wheel welfare".

Families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain.
 
Children often kick Wolves for amusement.

On graduation day the hats thrown in the air fly high enough to stun passing pigeons.

Fidgety cubicle workers play with their balls.

Fruit market traders let their stock spoil rather than reduce their prices at the day's end.

The nation's politicians are acknowledged as the most polite in the region to the dismay of comedians everywhere.

The nation's only university is the School of Hard Knocks.

No one is quite sure what many government officials look like.

It is popularly believed that "cheese every day keeps disaster away".

Almost half of the child population live rough on the streets.

Stores employing more than 100 employees are required to be at least twenty miles from any competitor.

Trebizondians are regularly fired for looking at MyFace during their lunch breaks.

Shoving people into lockers qualifies you for a ministerial position.

Prison reforms have replaced communal luaus with communal loos.

Undersea volcanoes receive strongly worded letters for violating environmental regulations.

The song 'They Got an Awful Lot of Coffee in Trebizondia' is a smash hit.

Young and brooding teens are welcomed with open arms to the Dogwarts School of Strangeness and Sorcery.

Octogenarian swimsuit models insist that they've still got it.
 
Hundreds of sailors ride the good ship Leader day after day.

People caught mistreating Trebizondia's flag generally wind up in a great deal of pain.

Minority children spend hours bussing to schools miles away from home.

Ethnic minorities are often refused admission to some of the nation's best schools.

The nation is in perpetual campaign mode.

The banshee wail foretells skies of death.

Fixing attendance at women's matches is a matter of "when they go low, we go high... funding".

College-level writing classes are taught by undergraduate editors of the school newspaper.

Crossword puzzles have been co-opted as a symbol of racial discrimination.

The military will start wars with other nations on a lark.

Kids are exceptionally good at digging holes.

Many mayors are barely in office before being kicked out for minor parking violations.

Military pilots spend more time scraping feathers off their engines than flying their aircraft.

Drug deals return to the streets as legions of undercover officers stalk the dark web.

Turan's main city thoroughfare has been blocked by a row of leyland cypresses that mysteriously appeared overnight.
 
One can wake up in Trebizondia and have breakfast in Bigtopia.

Business owners return from long vacations to find their factories have been turned into homeless shelters.

Ctizens need a magnifying glass and color chart to distinguish between nearly identical brand labels.

Police shackle estranged spouses to their ol' ball and chain.
 
The Republic of Trebizondia is a huge, safe nation, renowned for its pith helmet sales, public floggings, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, devout population of 686 million Trebizondians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The medium-sized, outspoken government prioritizes Industry, although Education, Healthcare, and Administration are also considered important, while Spirituality isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Turan. The average income tax rate is 43.8%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Trebizondian economy, worth 88.7 trillion Turkish Lira a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Cheese Exports. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 129,228 Turkish Lira, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Police shackle estranged spouses to their ol' ball and chain, citizens need a magnifying glass and color chart to distinguish between nearly identical brand labels, business owners return from long vacations to find their factories have been turned into homeless shelters, and one can wake up in Trebizondia and have breakfast in Bigtopia. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Trebizondia's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.
 
Lawyers turn down litigation cases and corporate work in order to focus on lucrative public defence work.

For the sake of 'public interest' news programs tell viewers how to home-make Sarin gas bombs.
 
Trebizondia is increasingly belligerent on the international stage.

Copyright laws have been abolished.

It's always rabbit season.

Refugees from other nations are flocking to Trebizondia's border.

The government's new "quiet competence" initiative has supporters and detractors alike reeling in confusion.
 
Would-be emigrants are told "abandon all hope all ye who would exit here".

Things are looking up for patients accidentally prescribed erectile dysfunction medication.
 
Goldilocks has found a lucrative career as a zoning consultant.

UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news.

The nation is currently revamping its entire education system.
 
Bins outnumber trees in city parks.

Baby monitors have been banned.

Families must live in a village for a century before they get any say in how it runs.

Lines of trenches demarcate the nation's borders.

Cassocked priests and choirboys believe that what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors.

The beauty of coastal towns is marred only slightly by all the closed-down storefronts.

Older ladies are inundated with offers to help them cross the road.

Billions are being spent on a new island airport.

Members of ethnic minorities are more often called "boy" or "girl" than by their actual names.
 
Young girls aren't having a ball but they are enjoying themselves.

Urban planners beg for just one more lane before bedtime.

Male cubicle workers stand up every time a woman enters the room.
 
A degree in Leader Science with a Minor in Awesomeology starts many political careers.

Nothing in life is promised except death and government support.

Worship days have replaced sick days.
 
A niche industry catering to S&M enthusiasts has sprung up.

Attempts to inform people about their unclaimed property are often mistaken for telephone scams.

Blind students are at a disadvantage now that test papers printed in braille have been discontinued.
 
Occam's razor has sliced to pieces any childhood belief in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

The government tells its citizens to 'forgive and forget'.
 
The Republic of Trebizondia is a huge, socially progressive nation, ruled by Mete Turan with an even hand, and renowned for its avowedly heterosexual populace, keen interest in outer space, and smutty television. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, devout population of 863 million Trebizondians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Industry, although Education, Administration, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Spirituality and International Aid are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Turan. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 54.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Trebizondian economy, worth 118 trillion Turkish Lire a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Cheese Exports. Black market activity is notable. Average income is an impressive 136,771 Turkish Lire, with the richest citizens earning 5.7 times as much as the poorest.

Orthopaedics patients often have a bounce in their step, the phrase 'spreading like wildfire' is no longer in the public lexicon, Trebizondia's soft-touch approach to diplomacy has made it known as the 'push-over' of the region, and government employees from Trebizondia dominate international lumberjack competitions. Crime is totally unknown. Trebizondia's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.
 
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