The Flemingovian Hymn Book

plembobria:
You should, dear God, provide for new adherents, a confession of faith.
Click to expand...
Such a thing already exists in the Fleminovian Constitution, which contains the Flemingovian Mantra:

This constitution replaces all other constitutions and legal codes of the North Pacific. They were too long, too dull and more full of holes than a swiss cheese.

PHILOSOPHICAL BASIS OF THE CONSTIUTION
The regional government shall be structured around the Flemingovian mantra:
THE FLEMINGOVIAN MANTRA: "Flemingovia is always right. I will listen to Flemingovia. I will not ignore Flemingovia's recommendations. Flemingovia is god.”

THE UNALIENABLE RIGHTS
Citizens of TNP (defined as any nation that resides in TNP and/or maintains an account on the forum) have the following inalienable rights:
They have the right to be presumed innocent until Flemingovia decides they are guilty.
They have the right to remain silent. Please, god, remain silent. Please.
They have the right to an attorney. However, they do not have the right to a trial, so what the fuck are you paying one for?
They have the right to be treated equally. Since Flemingovia is omniscient, he cannot treat anyone unfairly. QED.

VOTING RIGHTS.
TNP shall hold firmly to the principle of one man; one vote. TNP declares that Flemingovia is the man and he has the vote.

DELEGATE.
Flemingovia. Obviously. Why ask silly questions?

FORUM ADMIN
Again with the silly questions. Flemingovia. Duh.

REGIONAL ASSEMBLY.
Flemingovia shall graciously permit a regional assembly to exist, with only intermittent smiting, who may petition him (with appropriate sacrificial offerings) when issues concern them.

TRIALS:
Nah. Don’t work. Never have, never will. All judicial decisions will be referred to Flemingovia.

APPEALS.
Why have an appeal when Flemingovia’s decision is manifestly correct?

GOVERNMENT.
Flemingovia shall appoint whatever government he sees fit. Government officials shall all dress in lilac, for obvious reasons.

SUCCESSION:
When Flemingovia gets a bit bored with godding over the region all by himself, he shall send his only begotten son to take over. After all, it worked for Jesus.
Click to expand...
 
A new hymn, dedicated to our illustrious heroes of the NPAF, before whom no founderless region with fewer than five residents is safe.

It's called "All about the raids", based on the song by Meghan Traynor. Sing along!

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PCkvCPvDXk[/video]

Because you know I'm all about that raids,
'Bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids
Yeah it's pretty clear, I’m in the raiding crew
But I can blag it, blag it like I'm supposed to do
I’ll talk about “Independence” when I really mean raidin’
If you’re weak enough and founderless then we’ll invade your region

I see the doctrine tries to keep us clean
We know that shit ain't real
Come on now, just a smoke screen
If you want to raid then just join the NPA
'Cause every inch of us is raider
From the bottom to the top

Yeah, R3N he told me don't worry about maintaining good will
You’ll ,make your dick feel much bigger by playing king of the hill
You might now and again have to defend to maintain the ruse
But the rest of the time
Find the weakest you can to abuse
Because you know I'm all about that raids,
'Bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids
I'm bringing raiding back
Go ahead and tell them ‘fenda bitches that
No, I'm just playing you think idenpendence is where it’s at?
But I'm here to tell you that,
Every inch of us is raider from the bottom to the top

Yeah, R3N he told me don't worry about maintaining good will
You’ll ,make your dick feel much bigger by playing king of the hill
You might now and again have to defend to maintain the ruse
But the rest of the time
Find the weakest you can to abuse

Because you know I'm all about that raids,
'Bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids
Because you know I'm all about that raids,
'Bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids
Because you know I'm all about that raids,
'Bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids, no defending
I'm all 'bout that raids, 'bout that raids
 
This hymn is dedicated to Grosse, following discussions about judicial elections.

It is based on the old hit "Fings ain't what they used to be


[video]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Eg-Ycc-yKqY[/video]





Hoi!! do me a favour

They changed our constitution
and scorned my contribution 
and fings ain't what they used t' be 

They call me out when my office I neglect
and then they Show me disrespect
and fings ain't what they used t' be


There used to be Laws, beautifully crafted
By my own fair hand 
But now the rules that the cosmos have drafted
Not nearly as fine ... I'm judging.

They used to bow and scrape to me
Now they dare to question me
Fings ain't what they used t' be

Corr! Raiders... Running the npa
Say they're independent but raiding every day
Fings ain't what they used t' be 

Once my words were heeded
But now I'm superseded
Fings ain't what they used t'be

We used to have fun here in the courthouse
Putting folks on trial
Using rules pasted from South Carolina 
Now I've done sweet f*** all for weeks now

When I drafted all our laws and stuff
The region got on quite well enough
Fings ain't wot they used t' be 

We used to elect
Delegates just like me
Now we have McM and R3
How much better the region would be ... If you listened

Once the region got on perfectly
Now my posts just last eternally
Fings ain't what they used taaa

There's a lot we used taaa
Fings ain't what they used taa beeeee
 
When a simple R4R takes the court over three months to achieve, there has to be some response. I set up a sweepstake to see who could predict the length of the hearing from posting to resolution. The end result was 86 days, and Lord Ravenclaw and Romanoffia were closest. Each earns a hymn written in their honour. Here is the first, for Lord Ravenclaw:

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAE1XTvKLXA[/video]

it had been three months now
And the court was sleeping
Then Grosse posted on the law
I looked but nothing lay in the vastness
Each ruling had a fatal flaw

To my amazement
Up spoke Lord Raven
The full case length he clearly saw
Then through the silence he spoke that one word
“This case won’t last forever more”

“there’ll be a law!”
Thus quoth Lord Raven, “there’ll be a law!”

86 days later,
there came from the courtroom
An end to that festering sore
And Raven predicted how many days it lasted
That’s why I’m writing down this score

Quoth Lord Raven, “there’ll be a law!”
Thus quoth Lord Raven, “there’ll be a law!”
 
Oh wow, thank you Flem <3

I think there should be a new standard for success in NS: You haven't made it until Flemingovia writes a hymn about you. Like the Morecambe and Wise show.
 
The Democratic Republic of Tomb:
Very nice, Flem. I can't wait for the one about Roman to come out :P

~ Tomb
Click to expand...
I'm too boring to enshrine in song. Besides, the only word Flem can come up with that rhymes with cheese is sleaze. :lol:
 
Sorry this took so long. I promised Romanoffia a hymn for winning the Grosse debacle sweepstakes.

Here it is. It is based on David Bowie's classic "Heroes".

It is entitled:

"I could have been delegate for more than one day"

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tgcc5V9Hu3g[/video]


McM has gone from the game now
McM is walking away
I thought nothing, nothing would drive him away
And he would be delegate for ever and ever
But I was delegate, just for one day

Tomb will surely be king
And Asta, she will be queen
And nothing will drive them away
I could only be Delegate, just for one day
held all that power just for one day

I, I can remember (I remember)
Thinking of banning them all (ban them all)
But the Security Council standing over my head
(over my head)
And I missed,
My chance to take it all
(take it all)
Update, and Asta was delegate on the other side
I could have been delegate, for ever and ever
instead I was delegate,
just for one day

I could have been delegate
I could have been delegate
I could have been delegate
For more than one day
I could have been delegate

Nothing, nothing could keep me in office
I’m fed up of trying,
When I get just one day
But I could be delegate,
For more than one day

Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh,
For more than one day
 
Very nice, Flem. Another classic!

~ Tomb

P.S. I like the part about Tomb being king, by the way :P
 
Many thanks, Oh, Deity One!

Good thing I'm not as diabolical and power hungry as some of you think, or there might have been some epic fun. :lol:

200px-Drevil_million_dollars.jpg

​
 
It has been too long since the NPA has been honoured with a hymn.

While they have covered themselves in glory raiding three-nation one-WA member regions and giving one another medals we have for too long ignored their accomplishments.

So I have written them a hymn entitled "the North Pacific Army doctrine" based on the George Michael classic, "faith"

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Cs3Pvmmv0E[/video]

Well I guess it would be nice
To set down what we believe in
So you know if we will pile in
To a region like you

Basically we’ll not think twice
If you are we weak enough to raid
And that might make you feel afraid
So let’s talk this through

O but I
Need some time to get the notion
Are you weak enough to invade?
Or might you make us feel that you
Might cause too much commotion
Cos if you have more than three nations
Or some power can be displayed

Then your region is safe….

Baby,
I know the game we want to play
Giving medals and ribbons every day
Telling everyone we’re strong
Maybe
Some people buy into that shit
Believe every word of it
But everyone who believes all that is wrong

Before this legion
Becomes respected
It has to stand up strong and stand up tall
But as it stands this region
Almost undetected
Finds there’s no arse that can’t be kissed,
But if your region will resist

Then your region is safe….
 
on 10th May my application to join the NPAF was rejected because of my refusal to allow the delegate, Tomb, control over the hymns and songs I write.

For me, it was a matter of principle - to do with free speech, which the delegate is supposed to encourage, but was in stead trying to suppress.

In his honour, and to show what i think of his demands, here is a new hymn in his honour. It is based on "I hear you knocking" by Dave Edmunds.

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFGvVJI24hk[/video]


You left the NPA a long time ago
Now your knocking on my door
I hear you knocking
But you can't come in
I hear you knocking
Go back where you been

I begged you not to write about our panty raid
And all the hymns and songs about us you have made
I hear you knocking
But you can't come in
I hear you knocking
Go back where you been

((TOMB plays a guitar solo))

Now free speech ain’t the thing that it used to be
'Cause all your hymns and humour ain’t my cup of tea
I hear you knocking
But you can't come in
I hear you knocking
Go back where you been

So unless you sign a pledge to treat us with respect
Your NPA application I will reject
I hear you knocking
But you can't come in
I hear you knocking
Go back where you been
 
Blue Wolf II:
Didn't you already use that song, Flem? :P
Click to expand...
Yeah, I did. Only this version has a guitar solo.

Actually Tomb was supposed to do it, but at the last minute he got stage fright and dispatched a deputy to do it for him.
 
Piscivore has suggested that we update our regional seal which looks like this:

arms.png


To this:

8linNn5.png


Criticism of the current seal is that it looks dated, and that we need something sleeker, shinier and cooler. The current seal, it is said, has too many “dangly balls”.

How could I resist? Time for a song about the TNP seal and our dangly balls.

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATvuSftZ9Q0[/video]

Dangle balls, dangle balls, dangle balls rock
Dangle balls clack like balls in a sack
Balls on our fine seal look so out of place
Don’t touch the balls on first base!

Dangle balls, dangle balls, dangle balls rock
Dangle balls brass don’t show any class
Looks so old fashioned, so 2009
Needing modern design!.

On a mission, to break tradition
To wipe our seal away
Dangle balls time is a swelling time
To go gliding up and down the seal

TSP has no dangle balls, update the seal
Dangle around the clock

Mix and a-mingle with the dangling balls
That's the dangle balls,
That's the dangle balls,
That's the dangle balls rock
 
flemingovia:
Piscivore has suggested that we update our regional seal which looks like this:

arms.png


To this:

8linNn5.png


Criticism of the current seal is that it looks dated, and that we need something sleeker, shinier and cooler. The current seal, it is said, has too many “dangly balls”.

How could I resist? Time for a song about the TNP seal and our dangly balls.

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATvuSftZ9Q0[/video]

Dangle balls, dangle balls, dangle balls rock
Dangle balls clack like balls in a sack
Balls on our fine seal look so out of place
Don’t touch the balls on first base!

Dangle balls, dangle balls, dangle balls rock
Dangle balls brass don’t show any class
Looks so old fashioned, so 2009
Needing modern design!.

On a mission, to break tradition
To wipe our seal away
Dangle balls time is a swelling time
To go gliding up and down the seal

TSP has no dangle balls, update the seal
Dangle around the clock

Mix and a-mingle with the dangling balls
That's the dangle balls,
That's the dangle balls,
That's the dangle balls rock
Click to expand...
Ok that's it. I'm converting to Flemingovianism. :rofl:
 
Cormac has been throwing his rattle out of the cot because, he says, the NPAF is not doing enough raids these days. Diddums.

So it made me think. This means that there must be a number of raiders in the NPAF who are very sad bunnies because they are not raiding enough. This sad song is dedicated to them.

IF you wish to cry, feel free.

"Won't somebody raid with me."

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oO5v_Vjt8g[/video]

Now the NPA is defending the Rejected Realms
But I just cannot bring myself to go
A lonely raider waiting for the call
Without the willpower to raid alone at all

Please, won't somebody raid with me?
Tag a founderless region with me?
Just someone to care
Someone, somewhere
To invade with me

I feel so lonely when a mission i refuse
So many partners but none of them will choose
A lonely raider, growing very tight
When a raid just now and then would really make my nigh

Please, won't somebody raid with me?
Tag a founderless region with me?
Just someone to care
Someone, somewhere
To invade with me

La la la la la
For a raid with me

Please, won't somebody raid with me?
Tag a founderless region with me?
Just someone to care
Someone, somewhere
To invade with me

(Voice of Cormac): May I have the pleasure of this raid?
 
So Cormac has resigned the RA. I do not know how many times Cormac has been in and out of the RA. But I thought this occasion warranted a hymn:

based on "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" by Taylor Swift

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WA4iX5D9Z64[/video]

I remember when you left the RA the first time
Saying, "This is it, I've had enough," 'cause like
You hadn't posted on the forum in a month
When you said you needed space. (What?)
Then you come around again and say
"Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm a raider now, trust me."
Remember how that lasted for a day?
You say, "I hate you," we break up, you call me, "I love you."

Ooh, you resigned the RA again last night
But ooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you

We are never ever ever getting back together,
We are never ever ever getting back together,
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

Like, ever...

I'm really gonna miss you picking fights
And me falling for it screaming that I'm right
And you would lurk away and find your peace of mind
With some raider group that calls at Update time
Ooh, you called me up again tonight
But ooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you

We are never, ever, ever getting back together
We are never, ever, ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me (talk to me)
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

Ooh, yeah, ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Oh oh oh

I used to think you’d be in the RA for ever ever
And I used to say, "Never say never..."

(spoken)
Uggg... so he posts yet another oath and he's like, "I still love you,"
And I'm like... "I just... I mean this is exhausting, you know, like,
We are never getting back together. Like, ever"

No!

We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

We, ooh, getting back together, ohhh,
We, ooh, getting back together

You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me (talk to me)
But we are never ever ever ever getting back toget
 
This hymn is dedicated to theGemini.

It is based on an old folk song called “Farmer Giles’ Muckspreader”. The tune is well known in English Folk circles and is first recorded in a Yorkshire song called the “Yorkshire Plough Boy”, with a chorus added. FYI, a muckspreader is an agricultural implement used to spread manure on fields.

Unusually, I cannot find the original song on youtube, so nothing to sing along to this time. Sorry.

EDIT: Here is a clean version of the song, with a slightly different chorus to the one I know, but it will give you an idea:
[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UT8ttxJ4Ro[/video]

The language is quite crude, as is the original folk song. I have stayed true to the English Folk tradition. The song is spoilered. If bad language offends you, do not open it.

[Chorus]:
Singing too-ra-la too-ra-la too-ra-la-aye
TheGemini the muckspreader’s coming this way
So if you post on the forum make sure that you duck
Cos if TheGemini’s there you’ll be covered in muck

A week ago no one knew who TheGemini was
He stood for the delegacy and caused quite a buzz
For it soon became clear all along was his goal
To take shots at Raven and generally troll.

[Chorus]:
Singing too-ra-la too-ra-la too-ra-la-aye….

Now Raven’s the founder down Alexandria way
And to be in Alexandria is sinful they say
So TheGemini sounds off and starts flinging crap
In the hope that it would stick and land in Raven’s lap.

[Chorus]:
Singing too-ra-la too-ra-la too-ra-la-aye

TheGemini made a speech that he thought was quite grand
All sorts of revelations is what he had planned
He thought that we’d read it and raven would quit
But we’ve seen this before and we recognise shit.

[Chorus]:
Singing too-ra-la too-ra-la too-ra-la-aye

Now a Security Council member is supposed to have writ
the speech and anonymously authored this shit
Thegemini opened a thread and he swore oaths that it’s true
But if it smells like spread shit you can be sure that it’s poo.

[Chorus]:
Singing too-ra-la too-ra-la too-ra-la-aye

Now who wrote up the speech I just don’t really care
And this sort of shit stir might just work elsewhere
in Osiris or TSP it might cause affray
But to swallow spread shit is not TNP’s way

[Chorus]:
Singing too-ra-la too-ra-la too-ra-la-aye
 
time for a Hymn. Under the new AG, Ash, we have more assistant and deputy Attorneys General than ever before. This is surely worth recording in song:

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjRPvSiEkWU[/video]

Tell me the AG story

Bum bum bum, ba-dum ba-dum)
Someone walked up to Ash on the discord chat
And he said to Ash, just like that
"Hey! (Bum bum bum) Can I be an AG?"
And Ash said:
“I don’t need a deputy, I’ve already got four
But it seems there’s always room
for just one more
Just one or two!”
So the number just grew

So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle)
'Til the very next day.
(Bum bum bum bum Bum da-dum)

Bum bum bum, ba-dum ba-dum)
A man walked up to Ash on the discord chat
And he said to Ash, just like that
"Hey! (Bum bum bum) Can I be an AG?"
and Ash said
“I’m afraid I’ve got a full crew
And there’s no real work
For us to do
But I’ll take you!
So the number just grew!

So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle)
So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle waddle)
So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle)
'Til the very next day.
(Bum bum bum bum Bum da-dum)

A man walked up to Ash on the discord chat
And he said to Ash, just like that
"Hey! (Bum bum bum) Can I be an AG?"
And Ash said
“look, this is getting old
I’ve increased the department
Seven or eightfold
But you can give it a go!
I just can’t say no.

So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle)
So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle waddle)
So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle)
'Til the very next day.
(Bum bum bum bum Bum da-dum)

A man walked up to Ash on the discord chat
And he said to Ash, just like that
"Hey! (Bum bum bum) Can I be an AG?"
And Ash said
“That’s it!
I’ve had enough of this
All these applicants
Are just taking the piss!”
But the same as before
He took just one more.

So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle)
So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle waddle)
So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle)
'Til the very next day.
(Bum bum bum bum Bum da-dum)

Then Ash came on to the Discord chat
But nobody said to him, just like that
"Hey! (Bum bum bum) Can I be an AG?"
And Ash looked out
and no word of a lie
There was nobody left
to apply
After the applicant spree
Everyone’s an AG

So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle)
So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle waddle)
So then Ash went away
(Waddle waddle)
 
IN the hope that this prompts the constitutional court to pull its finger out, a Christmas Carol:

[flash]https://www.youtube.com/embed/sme8N2pzRx8[/flash]

Silent Court, nothing gets done
All is calm, Elu has gone
The Request for Review has started to stall
the three hearing officers have done bugger all
Cos Elu has gone walkabout-out
Cos Elu has gone walkabout-out

Silent Court, nothing gets done
they promise results, but instead we get none
this happens repeatedly, will we never learn?
We’ll just have to sit here till Elu’s return
Cos Elu has gone walkabout-out
Cos Elu has gone walkabout-out

Silent Court, nothing gets done
Does this seem familiar to anyone?
GM filed the case nearly two months ago
they’ve deliberated for weeks now with nothing to show
Justice in the region is stu-uck
Another great court clusterfuck.
 
I am back after a long break from TNP, so here is a hymn. A more sombre one than usual.

I tried to leave you, I won't deny
I closed the book on us, at least a hundred times.
Ah but I'd wake up each and every morning and I would decide,
After fifteen long years to let my nation die.
But TNPs a drug that will not be denied
TNP keeps on calling, and one day I replied.
I’m back, my darling, I hope you're satisfied,
My decision to quit TNP you have managed to override.
And here's a man still working for your smile.

[flash]https://www.youtube.com/embed/4tLeUxYTNdQ[/flash]
 
Today’s hymn is a tribute to the regional army’s new desire to be just like every other army and the revision of the NPA doctrine being passed buy the Regional Assembly. It is based on Visage’s classic 80s hit, “fade to grey”

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZiJQL9OLqI[/video]

Devenir Gris
Devenir Gris
Now when we raid defenceless regions
The army’s now allowed to take a dump
so long as we leave the means to clean the crap up
For this our pride can take a running jump?

Aaah, we fade to grey (fade to grey)
Aaah, we fade to grey (fade to grey)

Other armies practice defecation
and we do not want to be denied
the chance to take a stab at coprophilia
Does it fill you with a sense of pride?

Aaah, we fade to grey (fade to grey)
Aaah, we fade to grey (fade to grey)

“After all,” we’re told, “everybody does it!”
Only we showed others some respect
It’s so much work to go and clean our mess up
So the Doctrine we must now reject

Aaah, we fade to grey (fade to grey)
Aaah, we fade to grey (fade to grey)

When we unfurl our battle colours
You might note the colour’s don’t stand out
A fade to grey is fitting for our army
Cos fitting in is what we’re all about.

Aaah, we fade to grey (fade to grey)
Aaah, we fade to grey (fade to grey)
Devenir Gris.
 
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