Indie's Inanities

You HEART him?! EWWWWWW... :pinch:


And there y'all go blog-jacking again. Jerks.

Funny Story:
Last week while travelling I stopped at a Zany Brainy store and saw that they had a blimp for sale. It's called Airship Earth, and it's a great big balloon with a map of the Earth on it, and two propellors hanging from the bottom. You blow up the balloon with helium put batteries in it, and you have a radio controll indoor blimp.

I'd seen these things for sale in Sharper Image catalogs for $60-$75. At Zany Brainy it was on clearance for $15. What a deal!

Last night my wife was playing tennis and it was just my daughter and I at home. I bought a small helium tank from a party store, and last night we put the blimp together.

Let me tell you, it's quite a blimp. It's huge. The balloon has like a 3 ft diameter.

We blew it up with the tank attacched the gondola with the propellors, and put in batteries.

Then we balanced the blimp for neutral bouyancy with this putty that came with it, so it hangs in the air by itself neither rising nor falling.

It was easy and fun, and then I blew up another balloon and made Mickey Mouse helium voices for my daughter.

My three year old girl loved it. We flew the blimp all over the house, terrorized the dog, attacked the fish tank, and the controls were so easy my daughter could fly.

Let's face it, blimps are fun.

Alas, the fun had to end and my daughter had to go to sleep. I left the blimp floating in my office downstairs, my wife came home, and we went to bed, and slept the sleep of the righteous.

At this point it is important to know that my house has central heating. I have it configured to blow hot air out on the ground floor and take it in at the second floor to take advantage of the fact that heat rises.

The blimp which was up until this moment a fun toy here embarked on a career of evil. Using the artificial convection of my central heating, the blimp stealthily departed my office. It moved silently through the living and drifted to the staircase. Gliding wraithlike over the staircase it then entered the bedroom where my wife and I lay sleeping peacefully.

Running silently, and gliding six feet or so above the ground on invisible and tiny air currects it approached the bed.

In spite of it's noiseless passage, or perhaps because of it, I awoke. That doesn't really say it properly. Let me try again.

I awoke, the way you awake at 2:00 AM when your sleeping senses suddenly tell you without reason that the forces of evil on converging on you.

That still doesn't do it. Let me try one more time.

I awoke the way you awake when you suddenly know that there is a large levitating sinister presence hovering towards you with menacing intent through the maligant darkness.

Now sometimes I do wake up in the middle of the night thinking that there are large sinister and menacing things floating out of the darkness to do me and mine evil. Usually I open my eyes, look and listen carefully, decide it was a false alarm, and go back to sleep.

So, the fact that I awoke in such a manner was not all that unusual.

On this occasion I awoke to the sense that there was a large menacing presence approaching me silently out of the gloom, so I opened my eyes, and there it was! A LARGE SILENT MENACING PRESENCE WAS APPROACHING ME OUT OF THE GLOOM, AND IT COULD FLY!!!

Somewhere in the control room of my mind a fat little dwarf in a security outfit was paging through a Penthouse while smoking a cigar with his feet up on the table, watching the security monitors of my brain with his peripheral vision. Suddenly he saw the LARGE SILENT SINSITER MENACING FLOATING PRESENCE coming at me, and he pulled every panic switch and hit every alarm that my body has. A full decade's allotment of adrenaline was dumped into my bloodstream all at once. My metabolism went from "restful sleep mode" to HOLY SHIT! FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE OR DIE!!!! mode" in a nanosecond. My heart went from twenty something beats per minute to about 240 even faster.

I always knew this was going to happen. I always knew that skepticism and science were mere psychological decorations and vanities. Deep in our alligator brains we all know that the world is just chock full of evil and monsters and sinister forces aligned against us, and it is only a matter of time until they show up. Evolution know this, too. It knows what to do when the silent terror comes at you from out of the dark.

When 50 million years worth of evolutionary survival instinct hits you all at once flat in the gut at 200 mph it is not a pleasant sensation.

Without volition I screamed my battle cry (which is indistinguishable to the sound a little girl makes when you drop a spider down her dress (not that I'd know what that sounds like,) and lept out of bed in my underwear.

I struck the approaching menace with all my strength and almost fell over at the total lack of resistance that a helium balloon offers when you punch the living shit out of it with all the stength that sudden middle of the night terror produces.

It's trajectory took it straight into the ceiling fan which whipped it about the room at terrifying velocity.

Seeking a weapon, I ripped the alarm clock out of its plug and hurled it at the now High Velocity Menacing presence (breaking the clock and putting a nice hole in the wall.)

Somehow at this moment I suddenly realized that I was fighting the blimp, and not a monster. It might have been funny if I didn't truly and actually feel like I was having a legitimate heart-attack.

On quivering legs I went to the bathroom and literally gagged into the toilet while shaking uncontrollably with the shock of the reaction I'd had.

Unbeleivably, both my wife and daughter had completely slept through the incident. When I decided that I wasn't having a heart attack after all I went back into the bedroom and found the blimp which had somehow survived the incident.

I took it to the walk in closet and released it inside where it floated around with the air currents released from the vents in there. I closed the door, this sealing it in, and went back to bed. About 500 years later I fell asleep.


***

At about 7 am my wife awoke. She had been playing tennis and wasn't aware that we have assembled the blimp the previous evening, and that is was now floating around the the walk-in closet that she approached.

The dyndamic between the existing air currents of the closet and the suction caused by opening the door was just enough to give the blimp the appearance of an Evil Sinister Menace flying straight towards her.

This time the blimp did not survive the encounter, nor almost, did I, as I had to explain to my very angry spouse what motivated me to hide an evil lurking presence in the closet for her to find at 7 am.

I can order replacement balloons on the internet but I don't think I will.

Some blimps are better off dead.
 
maybe he's just got rad ninja skills. everyone knows that ninjas can stop their heart completely whenever they want to
 
I'm this much done on your guys' room.

blue%20room%20construction%202%20320x240.jpg


And here's a picture of me, in my gear:

Construction%20Worker2.jpg
 
a fifth

undefinitive it is
moving,

superjacent
to the words,
and wholly unrelated
emotions

we have tried
to wrap around
it.

independent
of our small
spheres of reference,

there is no
experience, to draw
comparable

to this scene, this
wave in which
we're so hopefully

drowning.

i know these
are abstractions,

and good poetry,
is not supposed
to have abstractions,
because it's
supposed

to be relatable.

but this has never
happened
to me before. and i

have nothing to relate to.

to describe us
is what i
cannot do.

still, i find me

compelled to somehow
express this overflowing
of myself,
to cram

the infinity of it

into some small
wordspace. a poem.

but we are
a thing too big
for words.

for my words.

and that,
is a poem

to me.
 
I've been reading Rilke again. I love him. I love his words, the way he thinks, and then expresses it. I find my own thoughts in his words, my own style of observation. I bought a book of his selected works yesterday when I was at Borders, and brought it to work today, to read on my lunch break. I found a favorite already, and I wanted to share it. It expresses beautifully the way I feel today...

The Grownup
by Rainer Maria Rilke
translated from the original German


All this stood upon her and was the world
and stood upon her with all its fear and grace
as trees stand, growing straight up, imageless
yet wholly image, like the Ark of God,
and solemn, as if imposed upon a race.

And she endured it all: bore up under
the swift-as-flight, the fleeting, the far-gone,
the inconceivably vast, the still-to-learn,
serenely as a woman carrying water
moves with a full jug. Till in the midst of play,
transfiguring and preparing for the future,
the first white veil descended, gliding softly

over her opened face, almost opaque there,
never to be lifted off again, and somehow
giving to all her questions just one answer:
in you, who were a child once--in you.
 
:tb2:

I found another one...

(it's untitled)

You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start,
I don't even know what songs
would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of the next
moment. All the immense
images in me--the far-off, deeply-felt landscape,
cities, towers, and bridges, and un-
suspected turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods--
all rise within me to mean
you, who forever elude me.

You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at,
longing. An open window
in a country house, and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me. Streets that I chanced upon,
you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
were still dizzy with your presence and, startled, gave back
my too-sudden image. Who knows? perhaps the same
bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, separate, in the evening...
 
Okay, I just have to brag for a moment here. I just got off the craziest phone call in the world, and I, quite frankly, kicked ASS at it. Our Collections department was like, "Day-um, girl, come work for US!"

These are my notes from the call:

This guy, Juan, got transferred over to Customer Support from Collections because he had some questions about his billing and because he refused to pay the amount he owed and wanted to complain about the Collections guy, and wanting to whine about how he doesn't owe us money because we treat him poorly and our Collections people call in makin' him feel degraded and less like a man and don't listen to him and that we seem to be running his house, not him, and that we all just hate him 'cuz he's black.

He said he got a bill right there with him sayin' he doesn't owe us anything. Wants to know why we're charging him so much. Told him that he's only ever paid us $39.99 for 9 months of service, and that we've invested $189.99 in his account, so maybe he should consider why WE would be frustrated with him not paying.

He said he'd fax in a copy of the bill saying he didn't owe us anything. I told him that would be great.


-=second note=-

Juan called back in, wanting to know if I'd received his fax. I told him that any faxes we get have to go through the mailing department and that I wouldn't get a copy of it for another couple of days. He then wanted to rehash all of his excuses for not paying his bill, and then said that we had violated a cancelled contract and that we owed him credit for January because of a password problem that was resolved, and a police dispatch, and that apparently we all just have a thing against him and probably black people in general.

I told him that it sounded to me like he was just trying to get out of paying us the money that he owed us, and that he had three choices, he could pay the amount due and not get sent to the collections agency, he could NOT pay the amount due AND get sent to the collections agency, or he could pay off the remainder of the contract and we would leave him alone.

Juan said he was going to talk to his attorney and call back later because we violated the contract. I told him to feel free to call his attorney, and that his attorney could talk to our attorney, and that no matter what they decided, he owes us $129.93 and there's no way for him to argue himself around the amount due, and that I didn't have the time to let him try.

Juan hung up.


Sometimes, man, you just don't mess with me. My coworkers we sitting there laughing listening to me lay into him about it "Unethical? Let me tell you something about unethical SIR...." and passing me notes like "you are my hero!"

I wish I had that phone call on mp3 so you could all listen to it. I was AWESOME.

:winner:


And I just had to be smug about it for a moment.

Shit don't mess wit me. :lol:
 
Sounds hot. cant wait to see you busting down on dudes. so long as its in the way you described, and not so much in the busting down in the pants way.
 
In the interest of zoological adaptability...

Meat-Loving Calf Eats Chickens

KOLKATA, India (Reuters) - When dozens of chickens went missing from a remote West Bengal village, everyone blamed the neighborhood dogs.

But Ajit Ghosh, the owner of the missing chickens, eventually solved the puzzle when he caught his cow -- a sacred animal for the Hindu family -- gobbling up several of them at night.

"We were shocked to see our calf eating chickens alive," Ghosh told Reuters by phone from Chandpur village.

The family decided to stand guard at night on Monday at the cow shed which also served as a hen coop, after 48 chickens went missing in a month.

"Instead of the dogs, we watched in horror as the calf, whom we had fondly named Lal, sneak to the coop and grab the little ones with the precision of a jungle cat," Gour Ghosh, his brother, said.

Local television pictures showed the cow grabbing and eating a chicken in seconds and a vet confirmed the case.

"We think lack of vital minerals in the body is causing this behavior. We have taken a look and have asked doctors to look into the case immediately," Mihir Satpathy, a district veterinary officer, said by phone.

"This strange behavior is possible in some exceptional cases," Satpathy said.

Hundreds of villagers flocked to Chandpur on Wednesday to catch a glimpse of Lal, enjoying his bundle of green grass for a change.

"The local vets said the cow was probably suffering from a disease but others said Lal was a tiger in his previous birth," Ajit added.

I'm sure Darwin would agree. It was definitely a tiger in its former life.
:yes:
 
Rarrr. :bat:


:lol:


Also, for those of you who know that I am both a gamer and a Star Wars freak, and who are also those things, I'd like to share something with you that my amazing man sent me the other day.

If you're unfamiliar with the term "gamergasm"...you won't be.

Click Now!
 
dang IG. i thought you posted a pic of yourself when you said a pic of Indie. well that was a little disappointing. you gotta call Dr. Jones Indy, not Indie. duh
 
Hey, she's an Independent Girl....you know, lone wolf, marches to the beat of a different drummer....flying solo.....alone, all alone. ;) Besides, "IG" seems so impersonal(that means MORE than personal-name the movie), so I like calling her Indie.
 
Bright

flawless, eager fallen
sunspill licks paths
over blank canvas -
legs, calves, shins.

solar crawl, such
warm fingers;
able, caressing
each intangible reaction.

and i
floor-sprawled,
begging absolutions
on each altar
of spring sunlight
stream through
worshipped windows.

same sun,
purvey the hope
loosed from
absent-minded, open lips:

you, sunshine,
splay me on such carpet;
you,
tingle in these
innocent,
incessant
beaming (bemoanable) rays.
 
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