I Am...

I am thinking it would be the one who looks like this:
shakira.jpg
 
I am feeling the that word lousy was invented for how I feel.
I am going to sing to Veebs:

I saw you sliding out the bar.
I saw you slipping out the back door, baby.
Don't even try and find a line this time, it's fine. Darling, you're still
divine.

You don't love me at all, but don't think that it bothers me at all.
You're a bad-hearted girl-trap, babydoll, but you're so damn hot you're so damn hot you're so damn hot you're so damn hot
 
I am going to weasel vending machine money from a certain coworker, in exchange for not killing him for this morning's little "exchange".

IG Edit: I think I just whored myself for jalapeno kettle chips.
 
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