The noble Security Council,
Aware that each day governments will encounter various national issues, and that while these issues may sometimes arise naturally, they are often instead the result of ill-intentioned organisations seeking to undermine peace and national sovereignty,
Cognizant of the fact that
Australian rePublic has fabricated such issues on an unimaginable scale, and that the suffering for which it is responsible cannot be by anyone fully comprehended,
Convinced that throughout the universes, Australian rePublic represents a terrible threat to the ideals of peace and goodwill so treasured by this council, and that the fallout of its vicious crimes is inescapable even for the most isolated and unprovocative of governments,
Attempting to communicate to some degree the horrors Australian rePublic has unleashed on thousands of victim nations by describing just a few of the covert missions its government has so maliciously orchestrated:
- Mission #552: “Must Be A Full Moon”, in which Australian rePublic co-ordinated the strategic mooning of government officials in an attempt to incite dangerous national revolutions, inadvertently crashing fashion industries across the universes by causing an inexplicable drop in demand for pants,
- Mission #664: “Your Land Or Mine”, in which veritable flash mobs of undercover agents were sent into unsuspecting nations, inventing entire fake indigenous tribes with sacred sites conveniently located over valuable mining locations and leading to economic collapses and surges in unemployment rates,
- Mission #733: “The Path Less Traveled”, in which ports vital to national economies were frozen over with toxic chemicals in an attempt to invade nations with armies of millions of malicious macaroni penguins, and where only poor mission planning on behalf of Australian rePublic prevented thousands of nations from being totally overrun by the aquatic birds,
- Mission #981: “Westfailian Sovereignty”, in which the leftover penguins from Mission #733 were sent into innocent states disguised as dangerous masked terrorists all under pseudonym “Mega Momo”, leading to the imperiling of national sovereignty as nations across the universes hopelessly invaded one another seeking to eliminate the terrorist in the international craze now known as “Momo Madness”, and
- Mission #1237: “A Polar Bear’s Tale”, in which Australian rePublic fabricated nonsensical legislation concerning such matters as polar bears and fire hoses and slipped these eccentric laws into the government archives of unsuspecting victim nations, leading to allegations of corruption and an unprecedented demand for goggles,
Noting Australian rePublic's long history distributing so-called “welcome baskets” of fruit to national leaders, with contents polluted by brainwashing chemicals to twist the minds of their recipients and motivate them to organise malicious missions of their own,
Highlighting the fact that the dissemination of these flagitious “fruits” proved so damaging and costly that, in a rare display of interference in the universes, the mysterious otherworldly deities known to work only in the shadows took physical form to pass their cosmic judgements and, by methods unknown, ended this terrible trade once and for all,
Lamenting the fact that Australian rePublic’s actions will have impacts lasting into eternity, and that the effects of these terrible missions and abhorrent “fruits” are irreversible even for such a powerful organisation as this Council,
Adamant that the damage Australian rePublic has dealt the international community must not be ignored or forgotten, as many of us doubtless wish it would be, but instead be grimly remembered, and that we must make an example of this nation to communicate that such reprobate behaviour will not be tolerated by this Council,
Hereby condemns
Australian rePublic.
