A Public Letter

[abc]

I don't mean to be that person who incites conflict, but I think it is important that we have the freedom to discuss issues in our region.

Almost 5 months ago now, I made the decision to get up and leave The North Pacific. I was tired of people attacking me over literally every possible thing, when previous Speakers were considered some of the greatest people around and my own Deputy Speaker receiving vast swaths of support over me; with people failing to note that:

1. My Deputies, while trained in most things, still had a ways to go before they fully understood the office
2. While I as Speaker, did my best to take blame for things, the reality was that many of the Office's mistakes under my leadership were as a result of something my Deputies did because they were still learning how things worked.

But something kept me from leaving permanently. Despite the small group of people out there who sought nothing other than to destroy my image and any of my attempts at apologizing for the mistakes that I did make, there were still so many here who I enjoyed the company of. So a month later, I came back here.

Upon returning, instead of being welcomed back, my strongest critics decided to attack me. Lord Lore tried to publicly guilt me, actually criticizing me for coming back. And Syrixia who had said they wished to see me soon, also vehemently attacked me. Luckily though, this being TNP, there were some nice folks who came out to defend me. After the Delegate ended up locking the thread, calling it 'inappropriate', I thought people would be more reasonable. And many were. But that same small group of people continued spreading their message of hate.

Shortly after rejoining, Darcania also rejoined, but unlike me received a big welcome back into the community, despite his own circumstances right before leaving (see here).

Two months after rejoining, I decided to run for Delegate. I knew it was a long shot, but I thought it would be worth a try. Immediately after posting my campaign thread, I could soon see the contrast between my campaign and those of others. I had the same qualifications, had in many cases been in TNP longer than them, and ran a similar campaign (albeit, with a number of different ideas), but while other campaigns were getting praise for running and messages of good luck, I was being questioned by the same people who had been criticizing me for every little thing in the past. Now I don't mind questions. In fact, I think it's important that there is a culture in which we can freely ask them. But these questions were quite clearly designed to veer people away from my campaign and further stain my reputation. Take Syrixia's post for instance. Rather than asking me a single question actually related to or about my campaign, they grilled me about my time as Speaker, a time that I had already answered for previously many times (including in the previous election campaign thread where I had also gone so far as to post a public apology, acknowledging my mistakes). Curiously enough, after responding to their questions during this election, they never posted anything further in my campaign.

I apologize for the rant; I just wanted to help people understand my side of the story better and be able to come to their own conclusions regarding these events. I also realize that it has been a while now since these events occurred and to many, hearing about this is getting old. Rest assured though; this should be the last time you hear about this.

I know there will probably be a select few who choose to attack every point of this, but this is not a rebuttal thread, it is simply a rant explaining my side of the story.

Thank you to anyone who actually took the time to read this whole thing (I know it's a bit long).

ABC

 

[Sil Dorsett]

ABC, you need to understand something, urgently. When people "attack" you and critizise what you've done in the past, its because people don't want to see you make the same mistakes again. They want you to be better than anything you've been before.

People are pointing out mistakes so that you avoid them in the future, because we're not going to keep blowing smoke up your rear end and tell you that you've done a good job when there's been problems. We aren't going to avoid telling you about what's wrong. If we do that, then you don't know what's wrong and can't fix it, which will only lead to you making the same mistakes again and again.

Letters like this are telling me inside that you're trying to deflect the blame and avoid the problem, which is only going to further inhibit your growth as a citizen of TNP. Your reliance on "I'm being attacked" doesn't contribute to you growing and improving. To be honest, I think you've made a gigantic mistake in writing this letter. You had the right to do it, but I think you've exposed yourself even more than before. Personally, I would have worked myself back up into the fold instead of trying to tear everyone else's criticism down.

Of course, you could just see this post as just another attack. I don't care if that's how you see it. That's your problem, not mine. My recommendation to you is that you need to see how people sometimes need to be broken down so that they can be built back up. Militaries do this via basic training; they break down the civilian and build up a soldier.

Hell, before reading your post, I was watching some of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares on YouTube, specifically the Mill Street Bistro episodes. Do me a favor: find those episodes and watch them, and watch how a restaurant owner is torn to shreds before they finally somewhat starts to listen and rebuild their business. I think that's what you need right now.

Everyone needs to be torn down once in a while, so they can can be built back up better than before.

Hell, tear me down, ABC, or anyone. I welcome it. I'm tired of being babied and given crap I don't deserve. I didn't deserve to be VD. I didn't deserve to be a moderator anywhere. I won all that crap on name recognition alone. Tell me I'm a garbage discord chat moderator that misses when things could be construed as one-sided. Tell me when I miss the bigotry and insensitivity of some in exchange for "American" values. Tell me that I'm not doing enough to kick Siwale out of 2nd place in WA endorsements so I can assume my legally required spot.

If I don't know what is wrong, I can't fix it. So, tell me what is wrong, so I can fix it.

ABC, I hope you start doing the same.

 

[abc]

ABC, you need to understand something, urgently. When people "attack" you and critizise what you've done in the past, its because people don't want to see you make the same mistakes again. They want you to be better than anything you've been before.

People are pointing out mistakes so that you avoid them in the future, because we're not going to keep blowing smoke up your rear end and tell you that you've done a good job when there's been problems. We aren't going to avoid telling you about what's wrong. If we do that, then you don't know what's wrong and can't fix it, which will only lead to you making the same mistakes again and again.

Letters like this are telling me inside that you're trying to deflect the blame and avoid the problem, which is only going to further inhibit your growth as a citizen of TNP. Your reliance on "I'm being attacked" doesn't contribute to you growing and improving. To be honest, I think you've made a gigantic mistake in writing this letter. You had the right to do it, but I think you've exposed yourself even more than before. Personally, I would have worked myself back up into the fold instead of trying to tear everyone else's criticism down.

Of course, you could just see this post as just another attack. I don't care if that's how you see it. That's your problem, not mine. My recommendation to you is that you need to see how people sometimes need to be broken down so that they can be built back up. Militaries do this via basic training; they break down the civilian and build up a soldier.

Hell, before reading your post, I was watching some of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares on YouTube, specifically the Mill Street Bistro episodes. Do me a favor: find those episodes and watch them, and watch how a restaurant owner is torn to shreds before they finally somewhat starts to listen and rebuild their business. I think that's what you need right now.

Everyone needs to be torn down once in a while, so they can can be built back up better than before.

Hell, tear me down, ABC, or anyone. I welcome it. I'm tired of being babied and given crap I don't deserve. I didn't deserve to be VD. I didn't deserve to be a moderator anywhere. I won all that crap on name recognition alone. Tell me I'm a garbage discord chat moderator that misses when things could be construed as one-sided. Tell me when I miss the bigotry and insensitivity of some in exchange for "American" values. Tell me that I'm not doing enough to kick Siwale out of 2nd place in WA endorsements so I can assume my legally required spot.

If I don't know what is wrong, I can't fix it. So, tell me what is wrong, so I can fix it.

ABC, I hope you start doing the same.

I don't mean to come off as rude, but I think you missed the whole point of this post.

It is my point of view and of course as I am writing it, it is sure to be somewhat biased.

I have been informed time and time again of mistakes I made months ago and have already apologized for them repeatedly. I don't know what more you people want from me. So no, pointing out mistakes I made in the past time and time again is not helping anyone.

What, speaking my mind for once rather than letting people spread falsehoods is a bad thing?

...and no, I am not trying to deflect blame, I am giving blame where it is due. I'm tired of people ignoring the fact that there is indeed a problem. I'm not the first person to be faced with this sort of thing. Sure, it sounds all nice to work your way back up again and become a 'normal' member of the community, but let's face reality for once.

 

[Sil Dorsett]

I think what speaks more than apologies for mistakes is a demonstration that you have learned what went wrong and you have learned how to fix it. I think it's unreasonable to expect that an apology for actions done while Speaker would suddenly propel you to the Delegacy. The logical path would be back to the Speaker's Staff and then to a Deputy Speakership under oversight so that someone is holding you accountable and ensuring that you have indeed learned.

If I have indeed missed the point of the post, point it out to me. Then, I have learned.

 

[abc]

I think what speaks more than apologies for mistakes is a demonstration that you have learned what went wrong and you have learned how to fix it. I think it's unreasonable to expect that an apology for actions done while Speaker would suddenly propel you to the Delegacy. The logical path would be back to the Speaker's Staff and then to a Deputy Speakership under oversight so that someone is holding you accountable and ensuring that you have indeed learned.

If I have indeed missed the point of the post, point it out to me. Then, I have learned.

That's part of the problem.

My Speakership is described as a disaster and yet when I ask for any specific examples of that, people just shrug.

I personally know some of the mistakes I made, but there are many exaggerations also being made. There is an assumption that I was always gone and leaving all the work to my Deputies when in fact I was almost always active, even when I did have pressing events that should have prevented me from doing so and that I didn't leave work to my Deputies, but in fact assigned them work so they would have experience doing it unlike what happened to me under Darc where he was never available for answering questions and did almost all the work himself.

Imagine if I, at a time when you actually were successful, despite what a select few said, told you that you were a miserable failure and that you should start all over again. How would you feel?

 

[abc]

...and the point of the post was to show people my point of view rather than the dominant view that I am a lazy, incompetent, good for nothing.

 

[Syrixia]

I don't believe the dominant view amongst members of this community is that you're lazy, incompetent, and good for nothing, and that view is certainly not one I subscribe to. I agree with Sil that people don't want to see you make the same mistakes again and that they want you to be better than anything you've been before. I also know that some people dislike you for reasons unrelated to your Speakership, and knowing what I've heard, I don't agree with those reasons.

Furthermore, when I echoed what Lore said in "Goodbye TNP", there was a lot of backlash and, realizing my error, I quickly apologized:

I think I had forgotten my own advice, which I often give to people I know who get pissed off by events in the game, and that is that it's just that. A game. You should never be frustrated over games, though it's real easy to get that way, as I think we've all seen at some point.

In the same thread, Madjack pointed out that the proper place for such lines of questioning was an election thread, hence why I asked you about it again in an election thread. I wanted to see how you would approach it from a campaign perspective, and I think you answered well. I didn't say anything else because I had nothing else to say or ask. As for your previous apology in your previous election thread, if I'm going to be honest, I had forgotten about that.

But enough about me. What I want to say is this: don't just dismiss people as haters. That's a really bad way to look at life. Everyone has their own point of view on something. As Sil said, everyone needs to be torn down once in a while. Lord knows I've been torn down numerous times by numerous people. My very psyche has been dissected twice now by my friends in this game, and I believe it's led me on a path of heightened self-awareness.

If I'm going to be honest, I respect you for defending yourself like this. It takes a lot of courage, and my stomach would probably turn if I ever had to do something like this. In fact, I have.

I don't hate you.

 

[abc]

I don't believe the dominant view amongst members of this community is that you're lazy, incompetent, and good for nothing, and that view is certainly not one I subscribe to. I agree with Sil that people don't want to see you make the same mistakes again and that they want you to be better than anything you've been before. I also know that some people dislike you for reasons unrelated to your Speakership, and knowing what I've heard, I don't agree with those reasons.

Furthermore, when I echoed what Lore said in "Goodbye TNP", there was a lot of backlash and, realizing my error, I quickly apologized:
In the same thread, Madjack pointed out that the proper place for such lines of questioning was an election thread, hence why I asked you about it again in an election thread. I wanted to see how you would approach it from a campaign perspective, and I think you answered well. I didn't say anything else because I had nothing else to say or ask. As for your previous apology in your previous election thread, if I'm going to be honest, I had forgotten about that.

But enough about me. What I want to say is this: don't just dismiss people as haters. That's a really bad way to look at life. Everyone has their own point of view on something. As Sil said, everyone needs to be torn down once in a while. Lord knows I've been torn down numerous times by numerous people. My very psyche has been dissected twice now by my friends in this game, and I believe it's led me on a path of heightened self-awareness.

If I'm going to be honest, I respect you for defending yourself like this. It takes a lot of courage, and my stomach would probably turn if I ever had to do something like this. In fact, I have.

I don't hate you.

You know, honestly, thank you.

This is perhaps the best thing that's been said to me all day.

 

[Darcania]

Shortly after rejoining, Darcania also rejoined, but unlike me received a big welcome back into the community, despite his own circumstances right before leaving (see here).

As a note, I also received plenty of criticism before I departed as well as some trepidation from many when I returned, most heavily from prominent members of the NPA (the things I've seen them say are far harsher than what I've seen levied at you) as well as forum administration. These criticisms were just far less visible due to my nature of holding so much power and influence before my departure - people have admitted to me before that they find me scary when I'm serious.
The only reason I've managed to regain any influence at all was reconnecting with those groups who've criticized me and proving myself still capable in office. Otherwise, I'd be solely an RPer to this day since only the RPers had little issue with me when I returned. I still maintain a frosty at best relationship with administration / moderation, the sole exception being McM (who I am still friends with) and the forum RP mods (who recall my time assisting them during my own adminship).
My leaving was also highly telegraphed at the time by my own behavior (several admitted when I left that they had seen it coming), and did not affect any political position, due to the fact that I solely maintained residency and my admin position at the time. The only thing I'm surprised about is no one directly blaming me for slowing down the forum move process.

unlike what happened to me under Darc where he was never available for answering questions and did almost all the work himself.

For reference, you may find yourself appearing more like you learned your lessons if you stop blaming me for everything. I'm getting frankly tired of it. Perhaps hold yourself accountable first rather than try and slough off your reputation onto me. Maybe then I'll start believing your public letters and apology statements.

 

[mcmasterdonia]

tl;dr

 

[bootsie]

So, here are my thoughts, for whatever they are worth.

For the record, if anyone has somehow forgot, I vacated the Speakership and then ditched a campaign for Delegate against Siwale.

It’s absolutely not fun to face a community where it feels like you’re no longer wanted. It’s not something I’d wish to do again, and will not do again.

I think pointing blame on others is poor form, even if they themselves were out of line.

Was I welcomed with open arms? Not particularly. I’m pretty black and white, you either love or hate me. And there are some players that would fall into the latter category for me.

You need to put this behind you, no matter who your critics are, showing them who you really are will do all the talking you need.

One of my favorite moments in my time as a player was returning to the game, after losing my Security Council membership for being vacant 15 days, a day over the limit. I immediately applied again, and boy were those opponents to my application fierce. I received a PM from one of our members, and I won’t say what it said word for word, but it was from Great Bights Mum (yeah, the freaking mum of our region!) saying that she believed in me and that it’s hard to keep our activity up for so long. That application passed and I’ve been serving since.

So, abc, as someone who has left this game multiple times, get involved, do what you love, and show them what you are made out of.

And yes, you will probably hear jokes about it until the day you leave the game, like how I was the woman who created the Acceptable Words List, but if you know you’re doing your best, they can’t judge you.

And for what it’s worth, I believe everyone deserves second chances, and if you want to talk, you know where to find me.

~b~