The Security Council,
Appalled that Her Infinite Terribleness, Queen of Gnomes, Keeper of the Unmentionable Records, the Wrathful Secretary-General Catherine Gratwick has haunted the hallowed halls of this esteemed organ since antiquity as the one true Secretary-General holding a lifetime appointment, despite the complete lack of evidence on her appointment in the first place, thus making her status as Secretary-General of anything highly dubious at best and a complete usurper at worst;
Shocked that the iconic Catherine Gratwick received the gift of immortality and youth from mysterious forces beyond the comprehension of the multiverse, allowing her to appear in the shape and age of every sapient species, and her ability to time travel giving her (allegedly) a sheer malignant and capricious role in every conceivable atrocious crime against humanity, such as wars, famines, pandemics, and the serial comma;
Perturbed that Catherine Gratwick’s time travel ability lets her (and her ancestors, including Elizabeth Gratwick) permeate every aspect of the government of member nations (as well as that of millions of non-members), in such areas as acting as the occasional menacing leader of neighboring nations, contributing to cancer research, championing women’s suffrage, driving trucks mounted with grenade launchers firing at anyone who trespasses on her vast holdings of properties, selling miracle diets, winning national dance offs, as well as gaining worldwide renown as a best-selling author, celebrated model, film star, pageant aficionado, and painter of trains, among a wide variety of other prominent roles;
Terrified that the "colossal fireball of extra-dimensional inanity" described that destroyed previous incarnations of certain organs for global power was (again, allegedly) the concoction of none other than Gratwick herself, who sought to gain power over the entire multiverse no matter what the cost, and that her antics continue to this day with constant hamster uprisings, some of which having only been put down recently with the death of trillions of hamsters;
Dismayed that Gratwick has apparently been on paid leave since time immemorial despite her giant colossus standing tall over parts of the multiverse, and is somehow still on the payroll (to emphasize, allegedly) despite the presence of democratically-elected leaders, thus succeeding in drawing away vast treasures from this prestigious organ into her bank vaults without doing any actual work, nor having any work for starters given that the Secretary-General was a post with absolutely no powers, a nightmare to the taxpayers of member nations but a euphoric dream for the ministers, ambassadors, diplomats, and assorted hangers-on of this revered organ;
Pleading to Gratwick in the firm believe the Security Council (and its neighbor) suffer from such atrocious and decadent behavior as to merit another bigger fireball of extra-dimensional inanity to be launched against them, in order to provide the sweet release required by many of the ambassadors to this esteemed organ;
The SC hereby declares the member nations’ undying loyalty and fealty, or dreadful contempt and vile hatred of Catherine Gratwick.
