[SC - Passed] Condemn Baggieland

Condemn Baggieland
Category: Condemnation | Target: Baggieland
Proposed by: Millenhaal, Co-authored by: Electrum, Concrete Slab | Onsite Topic​

The Security Council,
Observing that throughout its existence, the nation of Baggieland, ruled by King Alswitch and the despot Queen Alma, has consistently worked to negatively impact the lives of many across the multiverse in the fields of international sport and espionage,
Irked at Baggieland's sick habit of forcing visiting sports fans to indulge in its bizarre etiquette of consuming lasagna with spoons, where noncompliance is met with imprisonment,
Disgusted by the poor behavior displayed by Baggielandian tennis athlete Goran McEnroe who was imprisoned when he sprayed Gnejsian child Lars Varg with wolf repellent, claiming that he was a ‘wolf in boy's clothing’ despite not knowing what a wolf looks like, thereby undermining fellow tennis athlete John Ivanisevic’s achievement of winning the Hamilton International as an amateur,
Bemused by Baggieland's establishment of the Aussie Rules World Cup, a nonsensical competition that Baggieland has hosted three times but never won, where the word 'Aussie' has unclear origins, and 'goals' are worth six times more points than 'behinds',
Incensed that despite establishing said World Cup, Baggieland displayed poor sportsmanship against rival Sarzonia by hosting a World Cup in its backward puppet state of The alani, in the hopes that the unsanitary conditions would decrease their rival's performance, although Sarzonia defeated them anyway,
Appalled that even its sporting officials, such as cricket umpire Guru Beth Rati Pumba, are not beyond reproach with the Guru publicly shaming a hotel housekeeper that allegedly misplaced his bottle caps, setting a precedent that anyone who acts wrongly in Baggieland can be harassed into oblivion, no matter how asinine the reasons are,
Concerned by the acts of piracy and general skullduggery committed by sailors on the Baggielandian pirate submarine HMS Onslaught, with implicit approval from the royal couple, including:

• deterring other nations from bidding to host the 33rd Rugby Union World Cup, allowing Baggieland to win unopposed, forcing foreign athletes to give Baggieland publicity,
• the theft of construction materials and antique cutlery from merchant vessels to be sold on the black market,
• harassing a reporter from satirical newspaper The Turnip by telling them to ‘walk the plank’ for writing a slightly critical headline, and restricting its access in Baggieland to further the media dominance of the state-controlled propaganda-filled Daily Boing newspaper,
• threatening Olympic organizers with violence after its sailors were banned from entering both lightweight and normal rowing events in the Olympics, even though it was in direct violation of entry criteria,
• attempting to force concubinage on an Olympic official, so that someone would clean and cook for the rogue submarine, and
• the state-sponsored kidnapping of Gnejsian citizens Lars Varg and 'Landsman' Øystein Øye for political reasons,

Distraught at the frightening effectiveness of Baggielandian secret agents, who have showcased their prowess in market manipulation and underhandedness in the following missions:

• Mission #831, codename ‘Give us a Break, Leader’: where operatives slowed down important government processes with cries for unproductive public holidays, hoping to convince the gullible citizens to spend more on cheap plastic items for celebrations,
• Mission #1431, codename 'Just Deserts For Desertion?': where secret agents posed as grieving relatives of executed deserters to sway public opinion in favor of pardoning all deserters, thereby allowing Baggieland to obtain valuable military secrets from deserters,
• Mission #1463, codename ‘Sandbagging’: wherein operatives weakened the natural geography of several nations, leaving them vulnerable to extreme flooding. Baggieland-backed miners and scientists proposed expensive solutions to drain national treasuries.
• Mission #1542, codename 'Dangerous Liaisons': where women of dubious morals were hired to spy on world leaders by falling in love with their relatives. When their relationships were compromised, they used threats and blackmail to continue watching over them, even going so far as to manipulate world leaders into passing laws permitting such behavior.

Hereby Condemns Baggieland.

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