THIS MOST AUGUST LEAST JANUARY ASSEMBLY OF WORLDS *dun dun*,
CONSCIOUS of the numerous benefits to getting sufficient sleep, including lowering the risk for health problems, reducing stress, thinking more clearly, boosting one’s immune system, and many more,
COGNIZANT that pillows help one sleep better, aligning one’s spine and providing comfort during rest,
ALL TOO AWARE of the exhaustive list of issues of most pillows, so apparent that one could name them off with their eyes closed, in that one pillow is too
low to sleep comfortably, but two pillows are too
high to sleep comfortably, that both sides are too hot, that it’s not firm enough, or perhaps even that it’s too firm,
BELIEVING that the importance of proper sleep has been slept on, hereby:
- DEFINES, for the purposes of this resolution, a “pillow” as a typically cuboid supporting structure specifically for individuals’ heads during periods of rest,
- MANDATES member states to take all necessary actions so that:
- pillows of differing but acceptable and fit for purpose rigidities, sizes, materials, coolnesses, shapes, and functions are all widely accessible and affordable in their member state; and
- functioning sleep medications and sleeping devices (such as continuous positive airway pressure machines, or CPAPs) that are proven to largely mitigate the effects of sleep disorders are all widely accessible and affordable in their member state.
- DIRECTS member states to inform their citizenries of accurate, scientifically-backed methods to improve sleep, the problems of not getting enough sleep, and common sleep disorders and how to correct or mitigate them, and
- RECOMMENDS that member states use catchy abbreviations for their Section 3 sleep campaigns; some suggestions are:
- "Always Place Neck for Effective Alignment!" (APNEA);
- "Rest Long Soon!" (RLS);
- "I Never Sleep On Medication Now that I'm Aware!" (INSOMNIA);
- "Rest Beautifully Dormant!" (RBD); and
- "Normally All Rests are Crummy and Obstinate; Let Enjoyable Pillows Satisfy You!" (NARCOLEPSY).
