<3 Oh my GOD, it's Durk's memoirs!!! <3

JAL. Durk. Poo Dynasty. Ladies' Man. One of the most storied and beloved players of all time. An unparalleled career spanning nine years (2004-2013); five mostly lawful and popular GCR delegacies; thousands upon thousands of mostly legal and rightful ejections; and winner of the hearts and minds of thousands of adoring NSers. Periodically, I am asked by my fans to regale them with tales of yore. Considering the otherwise lackluster historiography of this game, I have long considered adding my two cents. I have not actively played NS in over seven years, and many newer players don't even know who I am (for shame). Yet who am I to forfeit this one final opportunity to bloviate and stroke my own (well-deserved) ego, while also hopefully providing for the necessary edification of the younger generations of NSers? As the Romans said, scripta manent -- the written words remain.

With this, I present to you my memoirs. The memoirs of my erstwhile characters JAL/Durk/etc. Buckle up for this TELL ALL AMAZING PEICE OF HISTORIC LITERATURE.


2004. March or April perhaps? Francos Spain was delegate; America was kicking ass in Iraq; and ever the earnest student thirsty for knowledge and good grades, I sat bored in my high school computer lab. I think we were learning about HTML and GeoCities, but I already knew it all. Instead of doing my actual work, I spent my classes fiddling around Google or something and stumbled across Nationstates. I created a nation (I forget the name), answered some issues, and let the nation lapse out of boredom.

A few months later, in December 04, I was browsing the GameFAQs forum Life, the Universe, and Everything. Some good folks from that forum created a NS region called GameFAQs. I joined with the nation Canadian Communes. I joined the UN, as it was called. I decided to become delegate, so I created a bunch of other UNs with various emails, and voted myself into the delegacy. I griefed the region by ejecting everyone and everything other than my own multied puppets. Think there were 40-50 nations in there before I nuked the place. Lol. Every puppet involved would be banned except for one John Ashcroft Land, probably because I forgot to put UN on it. JAL was born. :blush:

My early actions in GameFAQs would set the stage for the rest of my career -- of course, I would never outgrew my youthful vigor and general desire to eject everyone constantly. I wanted a bigger stage. I needed a bigger stage. I moved to the Pacific in January 2005, at this point led by Unlimited and the People's Republic of the Pacific. Francos Spain had left the game a few months prior, but the PRP circa 2005 was home to some of the sharpest minds around, with many deft and persuasive writers in the Senate in particular. I was basically a moron back then (hey I was 16, cut me some slack), so most of it was lost on me.

I filled the PRP forums with hundreds of posts per month about this and that -- spam posts and anti-defender wingnuttery, mainly. Much of this happened during my robotics internship at Johns Hopkins University's Department of Mechanical Engineering. Instead of focusing on this once-in-a-lifetime elite internship opportunity, I spent my hours trolling the ADN in the halls of IRC. Don't be like me, kids. In fact, don't even play this game.

Anyway, I trolled so well that the Senate appointed me High Judge. High Judge of the PRP was basically a meaningless title fashioned to keep the noobies (well, me) happy, and to fill the void left by Pierconium's Senatorial "departure" after couping this region. I soaked it up. I ordered hundreds of nations to be ejected or banned by Unlimited, mainly for stuff like having offensive or perverse national names or mottos or whatever.

This fellow from the ADN named Grenval created an alt named Zelera and moved it into the Pacific. Basically, the point was to troll and antagonize but also to experience a different side of the game -- he was mostly harmless. But, as High Judge, I initiated and then presided over a show trial against Zelera. The charges were espionage or something (I forget), or perhaps simply not being anti-ADN enough. I gabbled extensively in the Pacific's IRC channel that I would rule against Zelera no matter what, basically revealing my prejudice to the entire NS world in a time when the PRP was under great geopolitical scrutiny. Minineenee (<3) forwarded these (public) logs to BlackAdder, who reprimanded me (in public).

The Senate sold the Pacific out to the dastardly ADN fenda scum! Or that's what I sincerely thought. The angsty teen version of me whinged and wined about this to my buddies Karpathos and Mussolandia, and then I naturally betrayed everyone and switched sides to the ADN. I moved into Nasicournia and met the crew, including Pope Hope and Unistrut. To my dismay, I had no valuable intel to provide. But for a time, I was a rigid defender and a hardcore democrat. Lol, yes, I know. As was the case throughout my Nationstates métier, my beloved character JAL was all about teamwork, consistency, and good gamesmanship -- qualities imparted to the next generation via my protege Cormac. Yeah :)

Back then, you see, players would typically pay a steep price for disloyalty, and I was no exception. Although nominally in the ADN, I would go nowhere and be trusted by literally no one for the next few years, squandering my time in a series of useless titles and roles. Not much to say about this era, except that I once ran for a cabinet position in TWP against Freedom and Pride and got literally zero votes. Against freaking FaP of all people. Jeez. BTW, interesting note: the term "fap" had yet to enter the internet's lexicon circa 2005, so the humor of his initials was hitherto not evident.

Eventually, JAL would find his way to this lovely region, where our intrepid hero's story will continue shortly...
Last edited:
So, who's FaP?
Kid from 2004/2005 famous for animated waving US flag avatars and trying to port the US constitution to regions in NS. At the time, no one took him seriously, but I thought he was unwittingly hilarious. I think he helped write TNP's first constitution after the Directorate. I'm not sure how he managed to make such a large impression on me that I had to mention him in my memoirs, but there you go.
Last edited: