Chicken Crossing

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Tortoises

Tortoises

TNPer
This thread is reserved for the worst of jokes, those of which are like or even worse than the ones a dad or grandfather would tell.

:horror: :pinch: LET THE CRINGE BEGIN :pinch: :shock:

***Now with somewhat daily puns*** (As of February 29, 2016)
 
Where does Hitler keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles!

What kind of key opens a banana?

A mon-key!
 
Let's see if you can Handel these music puns!! >w<

(feel free to add that one to your Lizst!)

Someone's about to get hurt Vivaldi's puns flying around...things are about to get violin-t!

*drops mic*
 
Sadly I don't have many more music puns clef, I could try and orchestrate more, but it wouldn't really Mader. I had Sivan more, but I didn't know them by harp. It's a Timple fact of life, I don't have the best memory, tuba-d
 
A mollusk walks up to a sea cucumber, and the sea cucumber turns to the mollusk and says 'With friends like these, who needs anemones?'

Childhood classic. :lol:
 
This thread is knot funny, I can't even begin to string all of these puns together. At some point I'm going to slip up and noose my mind.
 
You know what they say, Practice Manx Perfect. Not every Persian is innately good at puns. Many Fold without trying once.
 
These puns really aren't celling it I'm going to have to phone a friend or ge[t-mobile] and sprint for the verizon.
 
quak1234:
These are all awful!

The thread is successful!
Click to expand...
I don't sea what you mean. Are you shore you posted that on porpoise? If that is a joke you went ray to far and I am Mado you. And, though I don't like to coral, I will declare you my anemone.

If I come off as sound[ing] too harsh, whale I've been crabby all day. Though I won't be Pacific a boat it. Let me just set some things [strait], so you canal settle down, I don't mean to offend anyone with water I say or said.
 
Give it a *rest*. None of us are *sharp* enough to keep up with you. This will just end up falling *flat* in the end (music puns aren't my *forte* by the way).
 
A new Chinese restaurant opened in my town.
It's a wok in.

Did you hear about the Chinese man who's percussion company went bankrupt? Now his money's all gong.

I should probably go to the hospital for that one.
It was a real stretcher.

While at the hospital I stumbled upon the oncology wing.
I asked a nurse what it was, but I didn't get an cancer.
 
two atoms are walking down the street

one says "hold up I've lost an electron"

other one says "are you sure?"

"yes I'm positive"



a neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a burger?"

bartender says "for you, no charge"



I was going to tell a chemistry joke, but Na, all the good ones argon
 
Yeraennus:
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles!
Click to expand...
Squid. Squid have ten, octopi only have eight.



A three-legged dog limps into a bar and says "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"
 
Piscivore:
Yeraennus:
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles!
Click to expand...
Squid. Squid have ten, octopi only have eight.



A three-legged dog limps into a bar and says "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"
Click to expand...
The joke uses octopi btw. It isn't supposed to be anatomically correct.

A variation on a previous joke: Where does Hitler keep his armies?

Poland.

A helium atom walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here". The helium atom doesn't react.

The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here"

A tachyon walks into a bar.
 
A string of jokes; they all relate to each other.

A plane has 500 bricks, and one falls out. How many are left?

499.

What are the three steps to getting an elephant in a refrigerator?

1) Open the fridge, 2) put in the elephant, 3) close the fridge.

What are the four steps to getting Syrixia a giraffe in a fridge?

1) Open the fridge, 2) remove the elephant, 3) put in the giraffe, 4) close the fridge.

The Lion King has a party, and all the animals showed up except one. Who and why?

The giraffe; it's in a fridge.

Susan wants to cross an alligator-infested river, and there's no bridge; she can only get across by swimming. She swims through, and makes it to the other side alive. Why?

The alligator is at the party.

Susan dies anyway. Why?

Hit by a falling brick.
 
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
 
I ate some bread this morning, it wasn't very good dough. I think it could have tasted butter, but that's just me.
 
Why did the chicken cross the road? To say hellooooo from the other siiiiiiiiiiiiddddeee.
 
Q) whats the worst thing about dating a Japanese girl?
A) you need to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
 
The barkeep asked why we carried weapons inside, we said mimics. They laughed, we laughed, the table laughed. We killed the table. Good times.
 
So a seal walks into a club...


Three nazis walk into a bar...
a7432896aa54fa70c8f4e294dbe48c1e.jpg

What do you call the securty guards at Samsung?

The guardians of the galaxy!



What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

Dam



What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.



Why does piglet smell?

Because he plays with Pooh.



What does a clock do whe it's hungry?

It goes back four seconds.



Why did the cowboy buy a weiner dog?

To get a long little doggy.



What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.



What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken
 
1st Person: What's a pirates favorite letter of the alphabet?

2nd Person: Arr?

1st Person: No, a pirate's first love is the C
 
how many bad jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

none. jokes cant change lightbulbs
 
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