Northwest Limited

Discussion in 'Role Play' started by King SillyString, Oct 28, 2015.

  1. King SillyString

    King SillyString TNPer Administrator Supporter Security Council Election Commissioner Justice Citizen

    Messages:
    3,921
    [​IMG]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Martin Groznyk [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: NEMS Deployment

    Good morning, staff. Hello.

    Some of you may have been hearing rumors for the past several months about a new "Electronic Mail" system. I am happy to announce that our trial run of this "software" in the Equilism branch office has been very successful, and corporate has decided to roll it out to our branch. The "software" is called NEMS, which stands for Northwest Electronic Mail for Events, Services, and Invitations System.

    You have all been provided with a NEMS account, which you can use to instantly send messages to other employees. Simply type their name in the Recipient field, and add a Subject Line for good corporate citizenship! If you see "RE:" at the beginning of a subject line in an Electronic Mail you receive, it stands for "Reply" and means someone has replied to an earlier message.

    If you need to send an Electronic Mail to everyone in a specific department, simply type in that department's name. For example, "Legal" or "Human Resources". You can also send a message to "All Staff", which will include everyone in this office. You may also send mail to multiple people or departments by separating them with a semi-colon. Like so: "Sally Friendman; Legal".

    Due to technical limitations of the chosen software, NEMS is only set up to send Electronic Mail to people in this office. You cannot send messages through it to any of our other offices at this time. If you need to speak to someone in another office urgently, our "Facsimile Machine" is on the third floor and is now free to use for all staff members.

    I hope you will take a liking to this new "software". Please take a moment to read the attached manual for NEMS, and send any questions, concerns, or comments to our IT department.

    Thanks,
    Martin Groznyk
    Office Manager
    o: 555-836-2218


    "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas Edison
    [hr]Attachment [21 MB]
    [icon]file-text[/icon] NEMESIS.txt

    [hr]
     
  2. Myroria

    Myroria TNPer Citizen

    Messages:
    916
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: James Liszanec [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: (no subject)

    HI MARTHA IT'S JIM.

    HOW ARE THE KIDS?

    barb's guinea pig died last week
     
  3. Piscivore

    Piscivore TNPer

    Messages:
    846
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Wrenolly Taverner [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: James Liszanec [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: (no subject)

    > barb's guinea pig died last week

    What did she do with it? Can I have it?
     
  4. Syrixia

    Syrixia The one, the true, the great. Supporter Citizen

    Messages:
    11,681
    Discord:
    Syrixia#9338
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Joe Baxter
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All staff
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: I WILL FIND YOU.

    Okay, who stole my book on the anatomical composition of monotremes?! I'll pound you so hard you'll become one yourself and lay eggs the size of my fists!

    Well, my fists are a bit small BUT I'LL STILL FIND YOU! :bat:
     
  5. Wolfsea

    Wolfsea TNPer

    Messages:
    1,850
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Lance Dent
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Joe Baxter
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: I WILL FIND YOU.

    Did you leave it in the bureau? I think I saw J.V. from accounts with it, he was giggling at something at the Frappucino break.

    Denty
     
  6. Vazos

    Vazos TNPer

    Messages:
    358
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Jack Butler
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Joe Baxter
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: I WILL FIND YOU

    I needed it for Project 36. The prototype still isn't working quite as I hoped and I'm working on getting approval for testing on echidnas. The Equilism branch office wasn't too keen on animal experimentation, but I'm hoping it will work out here.

    I'll put the book back on your desk tomorrow.

    ~Dr. Jack Butler
    Chairman, Department of Research and Development
     
  7. King SillyString

    King SillyString TNPer Administrator Supporter Security Council Election Commissioner Justice Citizen

    Messages:
    3,921
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Martin Groznyk [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: James Liszanec [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: No Subject Line

    Hi Jim, good afternoon.

    Please be sure you use a subject line when you send electronic messages, especially when you are sending them to all staff. I'm sure you understand how important it is to let people know what your messages will be about. After all, it's a key part of our Good Corporate Citizenship program, for which you attended seminars for just last week. But if you need a refresher course I would be happy to have Pam schedule one for you.

    Thanks,
    Martin Groznyk
    Office Manager
    o: 555-836-2218


    "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas Edison
     
  8. Vazos

    Vazos TNPer

    Messages:
    358
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Jack Butler [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Martin Groznyk [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Release Forms

    Martin -

    I need to know more about the animal experimentation policies at this facility. The beta test for Project 36 with human subjects at the Equilism facility was, as you know, an unmitigated disaster, and Legal won't approve another human test until we can be sure it's safe. I'm working on getting release forms, but I need to know what precisely I'm permitted to do.

    ~Dr. Jack Butler
    Chairman, Department of Research and Development
     
  9. King SillyString

    King SillyString TNPer Administrator Supporter Security Council Election Commissioner Justice Citizen

    Messages:
    3,921
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Martin Groznyk [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Jack Butler [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: Release Forms

    Hi Jack, hello. Good evening.

    First of all, welcome to our branch! As a newly transferred employee, I'm sure you'll find yourself right at home in this office. I'm sure you're quite familiar with NEMS by now, so can I ask you to help out any of our employees who find themselves struggling to adapt? Thanks Jack, I do appreciate it.

    For questions about animal testing, you should talk with Monica Strauss over in Ethics. She's been with that department for fifteen years and can quote regulations and most well-known philosophers until you're blue in the face. If she gives you the green light, you'll need to fill out some authorization and consent forms - I went ahead and attached them so you'll have them available. Please note that both health insurance and a lawyer on retainer are absolutely required.

    Thanks,
    Martin Groznyk
    Office Manager
    o: 555-836-2218


    "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas Edison

    [hr]Attachment [6 kB]
    [icon]file-word-o[/icon] 32(b) - Live Equipment Requisition and Release.doc

    Attachment [10 kB]
    [icon]file-word-o[/icon] 8(j) - Contact Information for Next of Kin and Lawyer on Retainer.doc

    Attachment [4 kB]
    [icon]file-word-o[/icon] ZZ8(b) - Workplace Nonliability for Emotional Trauma Resulting from Puncture Wounds and Scratches.doc
     
  10. Vazos

    Vazos TNPer

    Messages:
    358
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Jack Butler [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Martin Groznyk [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: RE: Release Forms

    We have an Ethics department now?

    You give a few beta testers cancer and they make an entire department over it.

    -----

    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Jack Butler [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Monica Strauss [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Animal Experimentation

    Ms. Strauss -

    As you may have heard, I need clearance for testing on animals for Project 36. We can't resume work with human subjects until it's conclusively proven that the prototype won't turn people mauve. Martin told me to confer with you regarding the matter.

    ~Dr. Jack Butler
    Chairman, Department of Research and Development
     
  11. Syrixia

    Syrixia The one, the true, the great. Supporter Citizen

    Messages:
    11,681
    Discord:
    Syrixia#9338
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Joe Baxter
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Jack Butler
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: I WILL FIND YOU.

    Fine, but just ASK next time. :lol:
     
  12. Grimalkin

    Grimalkin TNPer

    Messages:
    632
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Adam West
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Sick Leave

    To all staff-

    Please do be advised that "I am hungover," is not a valid reason to call in sick for work.

    Please also be advised that you are required to fill out and sign the updated Sick Leave request form in triplicate upon returning to work.

    For your convenience (and much trouble to me, I might add), I've attached the Sick Leave form and a Zip file with a PDF of the entirety of the International Classification of Diseases, 25th Revision, so that you may properly code your diagnosis(es) for the form.

    If you have any questions, please feel free to contact HR.

    P.S. If I see one form with the diagnosis of "Injury related to swimming with orcas," I will personally forward it to the Office Manager for review.

    ----
    Adam West
    Human Resources Representative
    o: 555-836-2220



    Attachment [10kB]
    [icon]file-word-o[/icon] Sick Leave Request-rev5.6.doc

    Attachment [10mB]
    [icon]file-word-o[/icon] ICD-25.zip
     
  13. Vazos

    Vazos TNPer

    Messages:
    358
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Jack Butler [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Adam West [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: Sick Leave

    This reminds me - we need to discuss expanding our coverage for onsite accidents. My staff and I have some truly extraordinary ideas and I'm not sure that the...unusual consequences of our experiments fall within the realm of normal provisions. Zeke from Project 87 has been the most vocal proponent of this (especially after the colonoscopy).

    ~Dr. Jack Butler
    Chairman, Department of Research and Development
     
  14. King SillyString

    King SillyString TNPer Administrator Supporter Security Council Election Commissioner Justice Citizen

    Messages:
    3,921
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Martin Groznyk [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: RE: NEMS Deployment

    Hi folks, good evening.

    It has been brought to my attention that the correct term for these messages is "email", and not "electronic mail". Please update your vocabularies accordingly.

    Additionally, I have been informed that, due to our hire of Ms. Human Resources as a secretary, messages are not reaching the HR department when they should be. Please be advised that "Human Resources" directs mail to Ms. Resources, and messages to the Human Resources Department should be sent to "HR Dept".

    Thanks,
    Martin Groznyk
    Office Manager
    o: 555-836-2218


    "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas Edison
     
  15. Guy

    Guy TNPer

    Messages:
    303
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Jason Ingram [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Martin Vassilopoulos [icon]check[/icon], Ben Neumann [icon]close[/icon], Sandra Knox [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: (no subject)

    Hey guys. How do you feel about this newfangled electronic mail thing? It's obvious to me that no good can come from this. I know that you shared my concern about the lack of consultation over the installation of the 7th floor lifts, and I assure you this will be worse. We have been shafted by management over and over again -- they'll probably use this new system as an excuse to cut our paychecks.

    JI

    P.S. I hope that this letter reaches you. If you don't know me, please ignore this.
     
  16. Grimalkin

    Grimalkin TNPer

    Messages:
    632
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Adam West [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Jack Butler [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: RE: Sick Leave

    Dr. Butler-

    I would say "Welcome," but I have this distinct feeling that you are about to make my job much harder than it already is.

    Exactly what kind of "consequences" are we talking about here? Life and limb, property damage, danger to customers?

    I've attached the proper form for you to fill out and return to me. It is a standard risk assessment, including several different liability options and a place for you to estimate damages. Please be liberal with your estimates and make sure you thoroughly itemize it.

    Please don't make me do it. Your department gives me the creeps.

    ---
    Adam West
    Human Resources Representative
    o. 555-836-2220


    Attachment: [6kB]
    [icon]file-word-o[/icon] R+DRiskAssessment.doc
     
  17. Piscivore

    Piscivore TNPer

    Messages:
    846
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Wrenolly Taverner [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: STOP IT!

    Whoever keeps leaving papers on my desk with sticky notes saying "Fax Me", just STOP IT! I am an INTERN, not a SECRETARY! I have way too much studying to do to handle your paperwork.

    Also, Dave B in the mail room is a creep who stares at my ass.
     
  18. Wolfsea

    Wolfsea TNPer

    Messages:
    1,850
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Lance Dent [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Wrenolly Taverner [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: STOP IT!

    Get a spritzer bottle, i'll sort Dave out. Also just Fax them anything...

    Denty
     
  19. Syrixia

    Syrixia The one, the true, the great. Supporter Citizen

    Messages:
    11,681
    Discord:
    Syrixia#9338
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Joe Baxter
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Wrenolly Taverner
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: STOP IT!

    If it makes you feel any better, did you know that there is a 58.8374992% chance the Brans will beat the Turtles tonight on Thursday Night Chess?
     
  20. St George

    St George RP Dog Supporter Roleplay Moderator NPA Citizen

    Messages:
    2,839
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Mike Frank [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: IT Tickets and Support

    Any further tickets asking me how to bypass the work filter will be forwarded to office management. Yes I know how, I made the thing. No, I'm not going to tell you.

    Also, if you haven't tried turning it on and off and checking if any cables are unplugged, I'm not going to come up and do those things for you. My time is important, or something.
     
  21. Wolfsea

    Wolfsea TNPer

    Messages:
    1,850
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Lance Dent [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: It is on!

    Right, Big Jim from HR has finally got himself one of these bad boys...
    [​IMG]
    Marketing is launching an Air Raid on them at Frappucino O'Clock led by Squadron Leader Denty. Show your support for Team Denty via post it on the notice board.
     
  22. The Grim Reaper

    The Grim Reaper TNPer

    Messages:
    464
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Richard Abercrombie [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Your Neighbourhood Consultant

    Hi! I'm Richard Abercrombie.

    Let me tell you a bit about myself.

    I'm an internal consultant for Northwest Limited. That means that my job is to talk to senior management and employees alike about how YOUR office is structured and managed. That's right - I'm here to help you become YOUR own manager, in a sense. And if you're already your own manager? I'm here to help you reshape your department how YOU need it.

    But who am I?

    I'm the former Head of Security at Northwest Equilism, voted most secure Northwest regional office in the 2015 limited-sample survey! I can assure you, though, I left plenty of advice for my successor! I bring plenty of practical experience to my new position as internal consultant, working with interdepartmental projects to improve safety and security for ALL our employees.

    Remember - you're not a Manager unless you can say you're a "Me"-nager.

    My inbox is always open to anyone looking for advice, help, or mediation!

    Richard Abercrombie
    Northwest Internal Consultancy
     
  23. Piscivore

    Piscivore TNPer

    Messages:
    846
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Wrenolly Taverner [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Important! ASAP!

    Please answer the following question completely and as honestly as possible:

    "Given that the song "Instanbul" makes the assertion that impetus for the changing of the eponymous city's name from the previous appellation 'Constantinople' is unknown ("Why they changed it I can't say"), yet in truth the reason is reasonably certain, insomuch as the name change coincides with the conquering of the city by Muslim forces, who presumably did not wish to continue to honor the Christian king Constantine, for whom it was previously named; and further, while the subsequent lyrics ("People just liked it better that way" and "It's nobody's business but the Turks") are essentially correct, they are yet in many ways egregiously incomplete, how does that make you feel?"

    Please include your age, gender with which you identify, and highest education level completed with your reply.
     
  24. Piscivore

    Piscivore TNPer

    Messages:
    846
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Wrenolly Taverner [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Mail Desk [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: RE: Important! ASAP!

    No, David, it is not for homework, Marketing needs this information, and you are just a mail clerk anyway so you do not get to question me. And it is HONORS Psychology, you brainless twerp.


    And next time, it won't be WATER.
     
  25. Wolfsea

    Wolfsea TNPer

    Messages:
    1,850
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Lance Dent[icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Wrenolly Taverner [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE Important! ASAP!

    Take it you mean the muppets version? Regardez Nolls: https://youtu.be/lH7XT9PVM4o?t=16s
    Makes me amazed anybody remembers it.

    Denty (deffo male, 29, graduate, Manchester Metropolitan)
     
  26. Vazos

    Vazos TNPer

    Messages:
    358
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Jack Butler [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Wrenolly Taverner [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: STOP IT!

    You're an intern. It's your job. Furthermore....you have a desk???
     
  27. Piscivore

    Piscivore TNPer

    Messages:
    846
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Wrenolly Taverner [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Jack Butler [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: RE: STOP IT!

    Oh, if it is for you, I don't mind at all. I thought it was that Ms. Resources hag being lazy again. Your handwriting is lovely, almost feminine.

    If you have a free moment sometime I'd love to talk to you about careers in science, if you don't mind.
     
  28. bootsie

    bootsie TNPer Supporter Security Council Roleplay Moderator Citizen

    Messages:
    2,487
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Rhonda Page [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Monthly Reports

    Hello Staff,

    It's your buddy, Rhonda, reminding all to be sure to prepare their department monthly reports for the coming period. These reports help us out to find what needs work and what needs commendation from the executive staff. However, in this previous quarter, the reports and paperwork that follow them have not reached my desk in the appropriate time, if at all. All department managers should be compiling the reports throughout the month, and let me know if you cannot make the deadline. Missing consecutive deadlines will penalize your record with the company. As fun as this system is for sending cute cat memes, or talking about your Aunt Judith, please remember that this new system can be your best friend, and so can I.

    Thanks,

    Dr. Rhonda Page, D.B.A.
    Assistant Office Manager
    o: 555-487-2154
     
  29. Syrixia

    Syrixia The one, the true, the great. Supporter Citizen

    Messages:
    11,681
    Discord:
    Syrixia#9338
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Joe Baxter [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Useless But Interesting Fact of the Day 1

    Joe's Useless But Interesting Fact of the Day:

    During his entire life, Vincent Van Gogh sold exactly one painting, "Red Vineyard at Arles".

    [hr]Dr. Joseph "Joe" Baxter
    Assistant Manager of Research and Development
    o: 555-670-8220
     
  30. Grimalkin

    Grimalkin TNPer

    Messages:
    632
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Adam West [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: The Suggestion Box

    Dear Staff,

    Please be aware that the suggestion box is for real suggestions to help improve the office environment. "My cubicle neighbor chews with his mouth open" is not considered a "real suggestion."

    Also, and, quite frankly, I'm surprised I have a to tell an office full of supposed adults this, but the Suggestion Box is not the place for you to deposit used gum wrapped in the provided paper slips. And since we're on the subject, please only use the provided paper slips for the suggestion box. I should not have to replace a 50 slip stack and only have 4 suggestions.

    --
    Adam West
    Human Resources Representative
    o. 555-836-2220

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Adam West [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Lance Dent [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Re: It is on!

    Dear Mr. Dent,

    I received your message and then did a cursory check of my inbox for completed "Office Revelry" permits. Much to my surprise (not really), I did not find one completed by you.

    I do advise you to make sure you are in compliance with the Employee Handbook concerning events of this nature. For your convenience, I've attached the required form. Please fill it out in triplicate and return it to me. It will be processed within 4 business days of receipt. Please do note that these permits are not retroactive.


    --
    Adam West
    Human Resources Representative
    o. 555-836-2220

    Attachment [4kB]
    [icon]file-word-o[/icon]High Risk Office Revelry Permit.doc
     
  31. Vazos

    Vazos TNPer

    Messages:
    358
    icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Jack Butler [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Rhonda Page [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: Monthly Reports

    Attached is the September report for R&D. Enjoy.

    ~Dr. Jack Butler
    Chairman, Department of Research & Development

    Attachment [7 KB]
    [icon]file-word-o[/icon] R&D Departmental Report, September 2015.doc
     
  32. Syrixia

    Syrixia The one, the true, the great. Supporter Citizen

    Messages:
    11,681
    Discord:
    Syrixia#9338
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Joe Baxter [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Useless But Interesting Fact of the Day 2

    Joe's Useless But Interesting Fact of the Day:

    There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

    [hr]Dr. Joseph "Joe" Baxter
    Deputy Chairman of Research and Development
    o: 555-670-8220
     
  33. Guy

    Guy TNPer

    Messages:
    303
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Jason Ingram [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Ventilation point blocking

    Hi All,

    This is my first time writing a letter using this electronic mail thing. I hope I got it right.

    As a reminder, please DO NOT block the ventilation points with any objects whatsoever. Doing so makes the points susceptible to more common breakages, part of the reason that we required whole-system overhaul last year.

    If you are finding your office space climate uncomfortable, please raise the matter with your local Amenities Supervisor.

    Jason Ingram

    Senior Deputy Technician
    Maintenance Department
     
  34. Piscivore

    Piscivore TNPer

    Messages:
    846
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Wrenolly Taverner[icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Jason Ingram [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: RE: Ventilation point blocking

    I'm sorry, but if you know a better way around here to dry an Oxford cotton blouse after someone *cough* Mail Boy Dave *cough* "accidentally" throws a water balloon at you, I'm all ears.

    It was only like fifteen minutes, anyway. No big deal.
     
  35. King SillyString

    King SillyString TNPer Administrator Supporter Security Council Election Commissioner Justice Citizen

    Messages:
    3,921
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Martin Groznyk [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Flu Shots!

    Hi all, good afternoon.

    Please be aware that flu shots will be available to employees and their families starting this Wednesday and continuing through next Monday.

    If you are covered by our Gold or Silver insurance plans, the cost will be $10/person. If you are on our Bronze or Copper plans, there is no cost but you will be required to work Christmas Eve. Please fill out the attached form and hand it to your manager at least 24 hours before getting a shot.

    CHECKS ONLY. NO CASH OR CARDS.

    Thanks,
    Martin Groznyk
    Office Manager
    o: 555-836-2218


    "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas Edison
    [hr]Attachment [48 MB]
    [icon]file-pdf-o[/icon] Complete_Medical_Disclosure.pdf
     
  36. Syrixia

    Syrixia The one, the true, the great. Supporter Citizen

    Messages:
    11,681
    Discord:
    Syrixia#9338
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Joe Baxter [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: All Staff [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Useless But Interesting Fact of the Day 21

    Holy crap, that flu shot hurt soooo bad. But regardless, your workplace family nerd is here to provide you with some the-more-you-knows!

    Joe's Useless But Interesting Fact of the Day:

    The “pound” key on your keyboard (#) is called an octotroph.

    [hr]Dr. Joseph "Joe" Baxter
    Deputy Chairman of Research and Development
    o: 555-670-8220
     
  37. Piscivore

    Piscivore TNPer

    Messages:
    846
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Wrenolly Taverner [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Martin Groznyk [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Re: Flu Shots!


    If my roommate/girlfriend's ex-boyfriend is still the drummer in her band and has lived with us for the last five years, and he's FWB for both of us when we feel like it, is that family enough as far as these flu shots go? I think we are technically common-law married, at least that what he says when he's feeling randy. I have a project due and he gets whiney and needy when he's sick.

    WT
     
  38. The Grim Reaper

    The Grim Reaper TNPer

    Messages:
    464
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Sender: Richard Abercrombie [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Recipient: Martin Groznyk [icon]check[/icon]
    [icon]arrow-circle-right[/icon] Subject: Re: Flu Shots!

    Hey! Regarding your medical disclosure form, I just wanted to check as to whether some fields were intentionally omitted from the recommendation I made to Human Resources?

    Namely, there was some information meant to help facilitate a credit check, just to make sure that there would be no need to help employees move to more appropriate insurance plans. I thought that being able to make sure that employees only take on the costs they can handle, as prescribed by office management, would be the best way to help them remain safe and secure within the company!

    For reference, the questions were simple and fairly straightforward - the usual things, like previous employment, previous salaries, whether or not they know how their salary compares to their workmates, etc.

    Richard Abercrombie
    Northwest Internal Consultancy
     
  39. BH6R

    BH6R TNPer

    Messages:
    23
    :tnp: this will be better if the north plaffic was real
     
  40. Syrixia

    Syrixia The one, the true, the great. Supporter Citizen

    Messages:
    11,681
    Discord:
    Syrixia#9338
    Please, do not gravedig, and also refrain from posting things not only irrelevant to the topic, but in an IC thread no less.

    I would appreciate it if the admins moved BH6R's post as well as this post.