The Adventures of BRO

So... like, I'm just a regular guy. A regular 10 year old kid, in the Johto region of whatever country I live in.

Then one day I wake up to this:


The darkness: interesting apparrently.



In the dark? o:



As opposed to that other world occupied by Pokemon that I've lived in for last 10 years.



No shit, Sherlock, you're only the most famous Pokenut in the world.



I'm sure that's not all they call you.



Dude, I have eyes.



And for money and bitches right?

...

TELL ME THERE'S MONEY AND BITCHES TOO




....

....

Aww jeez, who knew Prof Oak was blind? :/



That's what I said. Are you deaf as well as blind?



No. Are you stupid? Who the fuck's called BRO?


[flash]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJ6CcEOmlYU[/flash]


Bring it, bitch.



Are more long ass speeches about really obvious things waiting too?



This is my room. There's an old ass TV, a Wii, a PC, a bed and some stairs that don't even have a door at the top. Jeez could I get some privacy?

Just as I'm about to use said stairs....





Wat.



Aww mom why gotta be like that? I was talking with the deaf, blind, dumb Pokenut.



We live in a town of like 4 houses and Elm is an acquaintance?



Yes I have been outside before.



Like I said, it's a town of 4 houses, how dangerous can it be?

Oh I gotta have a bag to go next door now? And this other shit?

So I take that swag just to shut her up, and she goes back to doing what it does when she's sitting at that table. Drinking probably.

But w/e.

Next time on The Adventures of BRO:

- Sarcastic remarks on all Pokenuts being named after Trees!
- The weird girl who sent me mail makes an appearance!
- We go outside!​

So I go outside and...



OMG IT'S A BLUE RATMOUSETHING

Ahem.

The blue meanie runs off after some chick. Lucky guy.

I go looking around this 'town'.



Windy as fuck, which may explain this fat guy.

Or he's just fat.

So I go in a house...



Who? Oh the mail chick? Cool, I guess.



Yo, I saw the way she was looking at the blueratmousething. I know what kinda games she playin'.



Tell me something I don't know, bitch.



It's K.

....

....

I will kill you and all your family.

So I go upstairs and....



Jesus Christ does no one value privacy in this town?

Oh, it's the rat thing again.



That's what they call me.



It's on my list, woman.



See?

Wait... it's a lab? Like Frankenstein shit?

And who's this ginger guy?



Wait... It's not a Denny's?

DAMMIT.



So tell me, who's your stylist?



Well aren't you a bitch. All I wanted was some haircare tips, the hat has to come off sometime, y'know?



I decide to check out Frankenstein's den. You can see Igor over on the right, probably disembowelling a Pikachu.



And you couldn't walk the 30 steps to my house? Lazy bastard.



It's a disappointment? I was expecting beheaded Bellsprouts and crucified Chanseys.



As opposed to the picnic baskets of old.



Who cleaned up the poo? Pokeballs: Putting poo cleaners out of work since whenever.



Dude. She's like 10. Stop spying on her paedo.



6 = Many?



What's the catch, Frank?

Oh, you want me to walk along with it and... what?



That better not be a euphemism.



[flash]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sl_JNTCNH2k[/flash]

Next time on the Adventures of BRO:

- I choose a Pokemon!
- Igor gives me stuff!
- We go outside... again!​

It's time! It's time! It's Vader ti-no that's not right.

It's time to choose a pokemon.



And that is where you guys come in. I'm letting you - yes you, even the weirdo you sits at the back of class and eats crayons - decide what Pokemon I choose.

We have: -


Chikorita: your basic Grass pokemon, has a leaf on it's head as all the best grass Pokemon do. Above average special defence and defence stats.



Cyndaquil: Fire pokemon, one of the best when fully evolved. Highest speed of the starters this Generation.



Totodile: It's a crocodile/dragon/dinosaur thing that looks like it should be in the Mario games. Good for a water starter, and definitely a brawler going by its Attack and defence stats.

So, who will it be? Leaf guy, fire thing or escapee-from-the-Mario-games-water-guy?​

So I'm about to pick a pokemon...

But just before I can...





Christ does no one just have friends anymore?



Yeah, he's the weird one, less famous Pokenut.






I choose Cyndaquil, just cos.

Oh you want me to name it?



Sear. Don't like it? Deal with it.



I've walked like 6 paces, it's really too early to tell.



I think you've told me this before.



You and the rest of the world.



Told you Igor would give me shit.



Magic bag... HOOOO!



Yeah... but, it's just the next town over.



It's the next town over. Seriously.



I go outside... and the mouseratthing goes mental running around.



Hello.



Yeah.



Cute?

Cute?

It's a beast, bitch.



Ok.



Cos it might set the house on fire?

I go inside anyway and talk to moms.



No the other Pokemon professor in town.



Or you said like hours ago. That's why I went there.



To tell me where Dad is?

No. She doesn't. She gives me a phone though, which is pretty cool, and I get outta there.



And here it is, the begging of my big Odyssey...

The Adventures of BRO!

Next Time On The Adventures of BRO:

-Grass!
-Pokemon!
-Cherrygrove!​

So... out into the big wide world...



And this doesn't seem so bad.



An easy walk to Cherrygrove, meet this guy and then back again.



I mean, how hard could it be?



OMGWHATSGOINGON?!?!??!!



Turns out, there's a bird what wants to wreck my shit. Lucky I've got my own four legged flamethrower, ready to throw down with some hot vengeance upon my enemies.



... You've gotta be fucking kidding me. So this useless little shit can only barge into enemies - or leer at them in the same way I saw that Pokenut leering at the weird girl. Or the weird girl at the ratmousething. Turns out the Pidgey doesn't know shit either, tackling me in turn.

We make our two level advantage count however and...





We get to stepping but no more than a few minutes pass before...



We go into battle mode...



But a counter scratch in reply to our tackle has us close to a humiliating defeat...

But then I reach into the Bag of Shit Igor Gave Me...





Rejuvenated, we rekt this Sentrat's shit and knock his punk ass out, and get some nice rewards...







Smokescreen! Doesn't do much but at least it's something. Still no fire moves...

We march onwards and come across some young man sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot... wait, we're not in a Charlie Daniels Band song. It's just some kid.



Correction: some nosey kid. Jeez.



Bitch I will fight you right now.

We leave the kid peeping on some campers nearby and continue our journey, knocking another Pidgey out when I spot something nearby...



That's a Pokeball! Oh I wonder what could be inside! A Blastoise? A Dragonite? That cheat code Mewtwo shit?



Someone is trolling me.

We shove the potion into the newly renamed Bag of Victory and carry on...



An owl. I'm being attacked by a fucking owl.

We tackle the Hoothoot who replies with...



Woah woah woah... this is just a friendly beating, why you taking evidence? We leap into action!







We head on out, coming across a weird bush. Perhaps these are the famous cherries for which Cherrygrove is named?




We made it to Cherrygrove! There are no cherries. There is an old man though, so that's something.

Next time on the Adventures of BRO!
-Old Man Talk!
-We Meet Mr Pokemon!
-The Phone Rings!​