The New Testament of Flemingovia

Flemingovia

TNPer
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Chapter 1

1 And it came to pass in the days following the god Flemingovia’s departure from TNP there was a famine of fun in the land. Many there were who attempted satire and wit, but they lacked skill and artistry and their posts tended to be long, rambling and repetitive.

2. And the people mourned and said “things were better in the days when Flemingovia was our God, before we turned our backs on him and he left us. Let us repent and tear our clothing and put ashes on our heads and sackcloth on our backs. Maybe God will hear from heaven and return to us?”

3. So the people did as they had decided: they tore their clothes and put ashes on their head; they put sackcloth on their backs and cried to Flemingovia with a loud voice.

4. And Flemingovia heard their cries from heaven, and he spoke and answered them.

5. And he said “I know that you are a stubborn and stiff-necked people, and that your lips say that you will follow me but your hearts are fickle. So come, let us settle this once and for all; hold a vote to decide whether to accept Flemingovianism as the Regional religion. Choose this day whom you will serve.

6. And the people held a debate, and many people said it would be a good thing to recognise Flemingovianism as the regional religion. Many were their voices. Nobody of any consequence spoke against the decision.

7 And the Augur CoE spoke, and predicted that the vote would pass. And all the people rejoiced.

8. and it passed. And a great celebration was held in the land.

9 And Flemingovia looked over the region, and he saw that the people had not prospered in his absence. And the people said to him, “give us a monarch to rule over us. For our leaders keep proposing laws that are cut-and-pasted from foreign lands, and we do not want foreign laws to rule over us. Give us a monarch that we also may be like all the nations, and that our monarch may judge us and go out before us and fight our battles.”

10 So the Spirit of Flemingovia went out across the land, and he spied Silly String, whom the people called Astarial, tending her flocks in the field.

11. and behold, her beauty was so wondrous that Flemingovia broke into song.

12 and he sang

13Behold, you are fair, Asta!
Behold, you are fair!

14You have dove’s eyes behind your veil.

15Your hair is like a flock of goats,
Going down from Mount Gilead.

16 Your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep
Which have come up from the washing,
Every one of which bears twins,
And none is barren among them.

17 Your lips are like a strand of scarlet,
And your mouth is lovely.
Your temples behind your veil
Are like a piece of pomegranate.

18 Your neck is like the tower of David,
Built for an armoury,
On which hang a thousand bucklers,
All shields of mighty men.”​

19. And Flemingovia presented Asta to the people and said “behold your queen”.

20 And so Asta was crowned queen of the North Pacific, by divine command and the will of the people. And she ruled over the people. And the people prospered with Flemingovia as their officially recognised god and Asta as their queen.
 
"Give us a monarch that we also may be like all the nations, and that our monarch may judge us and go out before us and fight our battles."

This, I would love to see. :rofl:

The Apocrypha:

5ydi04.jpg
 
Chapter 2

1 And it came to pass that after the coronation of Astarial as queen of TNP, there was great rejoicing and prosperity in the land. But not all were happy.

2 So Romanoffia sensed an opportunity to sway the hearts of the people, and he spoke up and said:

3 “As you know, I am the most qualified statistician in the region. I have a PhD in statisticising, and have lectured on numbers and stuff for many years. 4 You think that TNP is thriving, but I have noticed that the population of The North Pacific is dropping nearly 20 or more nations per day since the adoption of a State Religion as nations are being driven from the region out of matters of principle and integrity.

5 And the people rejoiced and said “Our region now has a god so powerful that he can even affect the population of the Region.

6 And Romanoffia said “no, no! that is not what I meant! I meant that Flemingovia is a BAD thing.” But the people would not listen.

7 So Romanoffia published his complaints in a letter. But the letter was so long and so rambling that nobody read it, and Romanoffia got more and more angry.

8 And the people decreed a feast to celebrate the power of Flemingovia. And they asked Great Bight’s Mum to provide the drink, and PaulWallLibertarian to provide the food.

9 And Romanoffia was angry, and he spoke:

10 “Why did you ask PW to provide the food and not me? I am clearly the best qualified to cook in this region. I have a PhD in cheffing and lecture on food and stuff.

11 And the people said “….”

12 And one prophet spoke up and said “do not listen to him. He always bloviates.”

13 And the people went away to look the word up.
 
14. And PaulWallLibertarian42 decided to be nice and let Chef Roman make the Hors d'oeuvres; and shared them with the first born of Max in hopes of making peace among the people of the region.
 
15. And it came to pass that Romanoffia took up the offer and sent Lucrezia Borgia as surrogate chef in his stead.
 
PaulWallLibertarian42:
16. Again, the people had to consult the oracle of google.
AHAHAHAHA! Now that was funny! :lol:

17. And those who were foolish enough to commit the heresy of consulting the false Oracle of Yahoo were cast into the bottomless pit and called untowardly names.
 
18. Those who consult the Oracle of Bing are to be shunned and ignored.
 
flemingovia:
12 And one prophet spoke up and said “do not listen to him. He always bloviates.”

13 And the people went away to look the word up.
:rofl: I did indeed look it up! Perfect.

I missed this because of my absence - only now catching up on the temple courts. Great stuff. Chapter 3! Chapter 3!
 
Thank you. I have been somewhat preoccupied in the regional Assembly of late, but now that is simmering down a bit I will try to post something here in the next day or two.

Meanwhile, enjoy the blessing of the Sugar Canes in September.
 
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