Chapter 1
1 And it came to pass in the days following the god Flemingovia’s departure from TNP there was a famine of fun in the land. Many there were who attempted satire and wit, but they lacked skill and artistry and their posts tended to be long, rambling and repetitive.
2. And the people mourned and said “things were better in the days when Flemingovia was our God, before we turned our backs on him and he left us. Let us repent and tear our clothing and put ashes on our heads and sackcloth on our backs. Maybe God will hear from heaven and return to us?”
3. So the people did as they had decided: they tore their clothes and put ashes on their head; they put sackcloth on their backs and cried to Flemingovia with a loud voice.
4. And Flemingovia heard their cries from heaven, and he spoke and answered them.
5. And he said “I know that you are a stubborn and stiff-necked people, and that your lips say that you will follow me but your hearts are fickle. So come, let us settle this once and for all; hold a vote to decide whether to accept Flemingovianism as the Regional religion. Choose this day whom you will serve.
6. And the people held a debate, and many people said it would be a good thing to recognise Flemingovianism as the regional religion. Many were their voices. Nobody of any consequence spoke against the decision.
7 And the Augur CoE spoke, and predicted that the vote would pass. And all the people rejoiced.
8. and it passed. And a great celebration was held in the land.
9 And Flemingovia looked over the region, and he saw that the people had not prospered in his absence. And the people said to him, “give us a monarch to rule over us. For our leaders keep proposing laws that are cut-and-pasted from foreign lands, and we do not want foreign laws to rule over us. Give us a monarch that we also may be like all the nations, and that our monarch may judge us and go out before us and fight our battles.”
10 So the Spirit of Flemingovia went out across the land, and he spied Silly String, whom the people called Astarial, tending her flocks in the field.
11. and behold, her beauty was so wondrous that Flemingovia broke into song.
12 and he sang
19. And Flemingovia presented Asta to the people and said “behold your queen”.
20 And so Asta was crowned queen of the North Pacific, by divine command and the will of the people. And she ruled over the people. And the people prospered with Flemingovia as their officially recognised god and Asta as their queen.
1 And it came to pass in the days following the god Flemingovia’s departure from TNP there was a famine of fun in the land. Many there were who attempted satire and wit, but they lacked skill and artistry and their posts tended to be long, rambling and repetitive.
2. And the people mourned and said “things were better in the days when Flemingovia was our God, before we turned our backs on him and he left us. Let us repent and tear our clothing and put ashes on our heads and sackcloth on our backs. Maybe God will hear from heaven and return to us?”
3. So the people did as they had decided: they tore their clothes and put ashes on their head; they put sackcloth on their backs and cried to Flemingovia with a loud voice.
4. And Flemingovia heard their cries from heaven, and he spoke and answered them.
5. And he said “I know that you are a stubborn and stiff-necked people, and that your lips say that you will follow me but your hearts are fickle. So come, let us settle this once and for all; hold a vote to decide whether to accept Flemingovianism as the Regional religion. Choose this day whom you will serve.
6. And the people held a debate, and many people said it would be a good thing to recognise Flemingovianism as the regional religion. Many were their voices. Nobody of any consequence spoke against the decision.
7 And the Augur CoE spoke, and predicted that the vote would pass. And all the people rejoiced.
8. and it passed. And a great celebration was held in the land.
9 And Flemingovia looked over the region, and he saw that the people had not prospered in his absence. And the people said to him, “give us a monarch to rule over us. For our leaders keep proposing laws that are cut-and-pasted from foreign lands, and we do not want foreign laws to rule over us. Give us a monarch that we also may be like all the nations, and that our monarch may judge us and go out before us and fight our battles.”
10 So the Spirit of Flemingovia went out across the land, and he spied Silly String, whom the people called Astarial, tending her flocks in the field.
11. and behold, her beauty was so wondrous that Flemingovia broke into song.
12 and he sang
13Behold, you are fair, Asta!
Behold, you are fair!
14You have dove’s eyes behind your veil.
15Your hair is like a flock of goats,
Going down from Mount Gilead.
16 Your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep
Which have come up from the washing,
Every one of which bears twins,
And none is barren among them.
17 Your lips are like a strand of scarlet,
And your mouth is lovely.
Your temples behind your veil
Are like a piece of pomegranate.
18 Your neck is like the tower of David,
Built for an armoury,
On which hang a thousand bucklers,
All shields of mighty men.”
Behold, you are fair!
14You have dove’s eyes behind your veil.
15Your hair is like a flock of goats,
Going down from Mount Gilead.
16 Your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep
Which have come up from the washing,
Every one of which bears twins,
And none is barren among them.
17 Your lips are like a strand of scarlet,
And your mouth is lovely.
Your temples behind your veil
Are like a piece of pomegranate.
18 Your neck is like the tower of David,
Built for an armoury,
On which hang a thousand bucklers,
All shields of mighty men.”
19. And Flemingovia presented Asta to the people and said “behold your queen”.
20 And so Asta was crowned queen of the North Pacific, by divine command and the will of the people. And she ruled over the people. And the people prospered with Flemingovia as their officially recognised god and Asta as their queen.
