The Wishing Well

Scary Movie 5 comes out but it's a parody of Othello and no one gets it.

I wish I was the Ravi Shankar of the keytar.
 
You've achieved the financial independence you crave. In jail. 25 to life.

I wish I could beta test a new golf game.
 
you're one of the beta testers in the new golf game but it bored you to extreme and that you wish you will never have to touch a golf ball ever again. However, you signed a contract with the new golf game company which requires you to touch your balls (I mean, the golf balls) for the remaining 365 days of the long beta test phase of the golf game.

I wish I can finish all the games in my hard disk and uninstall them before June. They're choking the space in my HDD.
 
You're forced to uninstall them after your hard drive explodes, like in the GI Joe episode about computer viruses.

I wish the Knicks and Lakers are playing in the NBA Finals.
 
You get your wish but those three guys in Miami go to a local restaurant together or something equally innocuous and the media ignores the finals.

I wish every single team I root for in every single sport didn't suck.
 
Oh, cool. They don't suck anymore. They blow instead.

I wish I had Showtime so I could watch the new season of Dexter.
 
All you can eat, free sushi as long as you like improperly prepared puffer fish.

I wish I had shiny, white movie star teeth.
 
You have your shiny white movie star teeth, but Natalie Portman wants them back, and looks horrifying with a mouth full of bleeding gums.

I wish teenagers were taught festival etiquette in high school, and behaved appropriately at concerts.
 
They learnt and follow the etiquette during festival in high school, performance like dancing, magic tricking, singing, acrobating and more of the likes are now banned at concerts, only speeches are allowed, and they are mostly dull and boring ones.

I wish every burger in this world were huge like the one I ate.
 
YAY! I get to ruin two people's wishes!!!

J2S, you become morbidly obese from eating huge burgers.

V1, Grad date is tomorrow! But there are questions about plagiarism, so you can't go.

I wish I'd gotten more sleep last night.
 
Both of you became comatose and have all the time you can sleep until you are dead or till you wake up, if you ever will but which will likely not happens.

I wish V1 will finally corrupt my wish or someone else' wish soon.
 
TNP activity skyrockets but it's made up of people with no real interest in the place who are simply trying to add a feather to their caps. Or it's all psuedo-legal parsing of words crap.

I wish people were more selfless.
 
People are selfless and that makes them (wait for it) TRANSPARENT! Do-hohohohoho...

I wish my damn Hulu Plus worked like it should.
 
It works exactly as advertised and you are unable to tear yourself away from the screen eventually developing a Robert Pattinson-like skin tone and a chest-length neckbeard.

I wish I could be Amish for a day.
 
You are Amish and you feel not quite right. As if something was... Amissh.

I wish punnery was more respectable.

Go on. Do your worst.
 
Punnery not only becomes more respectable it surpasses Shakespeare for literary snobbitude. The following becomes part of every students' high school English experience:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam"!

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them smile. No pun in ten did...

I wish there was a dubstep version our national anthem.
 
Granted, but there would be no basis to you having the crown. Just a bit of gold you have sitting on your head, while you walk around looking like an idiot from the 12th century.

I wish I could live without having to worry about money or work. Just travelling the world.
 
Granted. But the people hated you, and a rebellion would stain your reign. You would eventually be killed by your Queens own hand in the Royal Palace, after reigning for just over a day.

I wish I had something yummy to eat.
 
lol whut.

Granted. But all your friends and family die, after which you cannot make any more friends and do not try and get another family. You live your life in a very sad way, and wish you were dead long ago.

I wish for some coca-cola!
 
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