Shoeless Joe And the Holy Grail
The plot so far…The Lady of the Lake, HEM, has searched far and wide to find a person (any person) with enough endorsements and of simple enough wits to follow simple commands. After scouring the Region of TNP HEM came across Shoeless Joe, who as his name implies was a poor and rude rustic.
Seeing in him the abilities she was looking for, she anointed him delegate of TNP, using the endorsements of several foreign knights. But in order to be recognised as legitimate, he must unite the region under his rule and persuade them that the citizens can do whatever they want … provided that what they want is what HEM wants.
It seems an uphill struggle, but Shoeless Joe must convince TNP residents of the rightness of his cause.
SCENE 1
[clop clop]
SHOELESS JOE: Old woman!
DENNIS: Man!
SHOELESS JOE: Old Man, sorry. What people live on that forum over there?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven.
SHOELESS JOE: What?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
SHOELESS JOE: Well, I can't just call you `Man'.
DENNIS: Well, you could say `Dennis'.
SHOELESS JOE: Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.'
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
SHOELESS JOE: I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the behind you looked--
DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
SHOELESS JOE: Well, I AM delegate...
DENNIS: Oh delegate, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the endorsers -- by 'angin' on to outdated invader dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress--
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how d'you do?
SHOELESS JOE: How do you do, good lady. I am Shoeless Joe, delegate of the North Pacific. Who's forum is that?
WOMAN: Delegate of the who?
SHOELESS JOE: The North Pacificans.
WOMAN: Who are the North Pacificans?
SHOELESS JOE: Well, we all are. we're all North Pacificans and I am your delegate.
WOMAN: I didn't know you just came along and told us you were our delegate. I thought we were a democracy.
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship.
A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS: That's what it's all about if only people would--
SHOELESS JOE: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that Forum?
WOMAN: We do. It’s our forum.
SHOELESS JOE: Then who is your master?
WOMAN: We don't have a master.
SHOELESS JOE: What?
DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as delegate on the basis of the constitutional elections.
SHOELESS JOE: Yes.
DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified by the Regional Assembly…
SHOELESS JOE: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--
SHOELESS JOE: Be quiet!
DENNIS: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
SHOELESS JOE: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
SHOELESS JOE: I am your delegate!
WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
SHOELESS JOE: You don't vote for delegates any more.
WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become delegate then?
SHOELESS JOE: HEM chooses delegates nowadays. The Lady of the Lake, HEM,
[angels sing]
her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft a new forum from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Shoeless Joe, was to be the delegate, by her choice and command.
[singing stops]
That is why I am your delegate!
DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in pond distributing forums is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
SHOELESS JOE: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a forum at you!
SHOELESS JOE: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just because some moistened bint had lobbed an irc channel at me they'd put me away!
SHOELESS JOE: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
SHOELESS JOE: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
SHOELESS JOE: Bloody peasant!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?
exeunt.
Part 2 to follow soon.
The plot so far…The Lady of the Lake, HEM, has searched far and wide to find a person (any person) with enough endorsements and of simple enough wits to follow simple commands. After scouring the Region of TNP HEM came across Shoeless Joe, who as his name implies was a poor and rude rustic.
Seeing in him the abilities she was looking for, she anointed him delegate of TNP, using the endorsements of several foreign knights. But in order to be recognised as legitimate, he must unite the region under his rule and persuade them that the citizens can do whatever they want … provided that what they want is what HEM wants.
It seems an uphill struggle, but Shoeless Joe must convince TNP residents of the rightness of his cause.
SCENE 1
[clop clop]
SHOELESS JOE: Old woman!
DENNIS: Man!
SHOELESS JOE: Old Man, sorry. What people live on that forum over there?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven.
SHOELESS JOE: What?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
SHOELESS JOE: Well, I can't just call you `Man'.
DENNIS: Well, you could say `Dennis'.
SHOELESS JOE: Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.'
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
SHOELESS JOE: I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the behind you looked--
DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
SHOELESS JOE: Well, I AM delegate...
DENNIS: Oh delegate, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the endorsers -- by 'angin' on to outdated invader dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress--
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how d'you do?
SHOELESS JOE: How do you do, good lady. I am Shoeless Joe, delegate of the North Pacific. Who's forum is that?
WOMAN: Delegate of the who?
SHOELESS JOE: The North Pacificans.
WOMAN: Who are the North Pacificans?
SHOELESS JOE: Well, we all are. we're all North Pacificans and I am your delegate.
WOMAN: I didn't know you just came along and told us you were our delegate. I thought we were a democracy.
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship.
A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS: That's what it's all about if only people would--
SHOELESS JOE: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that Forum?
WOMAN: We do. It’s our forum.
SHOELESS JOE: Then who is your master?
WOMAN: We don't have a master.
SHOELESS JOE: What?
DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as delegate on the basis of the constitutional elections.
SHOELESS JOE: Yes.
DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified by the Regional Assembly…
SHOELESS JOE: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--
SHOELESS JOE: Be quiet!
DENNIS: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
SHOELESS JOE: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
SHOELESS JOE: I am your delegate!
WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
SHOELESS JOE: You don't vote for delegates any more.
WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become delegate then?
SHOELESS JOE: HEM chooses delegates nowadays. The Lady of the Lake, HEM,
[angels sing]
her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft a new forum from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Shoeless Joe, was to be the delegate, by her choice and command.
[singing stops]
That is why I am your delegate!
DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in pond distributing forums is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
SHOELESS JOE: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a forum at you!
SHOELESS JOE: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just because some moistened bint had lobbed an irc channel at me they'd put me away!
SHOELESS JOE: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
SHOELESS JOE: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
SHOELESS JOE: Bloody peasant!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?
exeunt.
Part 2 to follow soon.
