This is a tabloid article intended as fun (pronounced "fuhn"). It is not intended to be a serious commentary on recent events, nor is it intended in any way to contribute to the oh-so-gripping point by point whine fest going on throughout Nationstates. It is Satire, designed to be read by those with a sense of humour. Any attempt to make political capital out of it will be met with derision, and much use of the following smilies:
and possibly 
and 
If you cannot recognise satire when you see it, I suggest you stare for a while at this picture of a kitten and puppy and think happy thoughts. Everyone else, scroll down...
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Like many in the wider NS world I was disgusted when Meridianland (a four-star general in Lone Wolves United), and Jargongrad (Field Martial of DEN) gained access to, and deleted irrevocably, vast swathes of the forum of the defender organisation RIA. Like many in NS, I thought that those days were behind us following public reaction to earlier uses of such tactics. It was compounded by the fact that this was not the action of overzealous newbies acting beyond their brief – it was the calculated act of some of the highest ranking officers in these invader organisations.
The story can be followed in whole here in the NPWire and in the Meritocracy’s excellent Intermet News.
However, my disgust turned to amazement when I saw the stream of arguments, excuses and justifications LWU and DEN came out with in the aftermath of the forum destruction. I thought to myself “What is going on?” Then I realised – These groups have forgotten that they are playing Nationstates, and think that they are playing Dungeons and Dragons:
The Party
Evil Wolf: Human Magic User
Fedele: Elvish Cleric
Jargongrad: Half-orc Fighter
Meridianland: Halfling Illusionist.
Den and LWU play dungeons and dragons with Max Barry
The party is on level seven of a dungeon, when they enter a large chamber.
Max Barry (dungeonmaster): OK. In the centre of the chamber is a large, glowing box. Inscribed on the box are the words “RIA FORUM”. There seems to be a lot of noise coming from the box. What do you want to do? Open the box, or leave it?
Jargongrad and Meridianland: We want to smash the box!
Max (startled): Are you sure? It looks valuable.
Jargongrad and Meridianland: Who cares? Smash the box.
Max: OK. Roll a D20…… the box smashes into a thousand pieces. Over 200 threads are destroyed. A grey cloud emerges and begins to form into a ghostly shape. Everyone roll against their Intelligence for fear.
Jargongrad: My intelligence is only a 6.
Max: Jargongrad, you are scared, and may not speak for the rest of this combat. Others will have to do your speaking for you. The grey shape is a spectre, the spectre of international opinion….. a very high level monster.
Fedele: Oh shit. That monster permanently drains public credibility.
the spectre of public opinion
Max: What does the party want to do? What is your formation
Evil wolf: DEN and LWU are going to stand behind Jargongrad and Meridianland.
Fedele: Yeah. Let them take the rap.
Meridianland: I am going to cast an Illusion “Messages of Support”
Fedele: What good does that do?
Meridianland: It allows me to claim that I have received dozens of messages of support, and that most people love what I did to the RIA Forum. It makes me immune to public opinion.
Fedele: Where are the messages?
Meridianland: Silly, it is an illusion!
Max: What is your credibility statistic?
Meridianland: Only a three I am afraid.
Max. I’m sorry, your credibility is too low for anyone to believe an illusion that big. The spell fails.
Max: The spectre attacks and….. hits. The whole party takes a 1 point drop in credibility.
Evil Wolf: What do you mean “The whole party”? We did not hit the box!
Max: yes, but you are all part of the same group.
Evil wolf: Right, I am going to cast the spell “Claim of Ignorance” on Fedele and myself.
Evil wolf and Fedele begin to chant: “It wasn’t our fault; we knew nothing about it; It wasn’t our fault; we knew nothing about it…. ”
Max: Hang on. How can you cast that spell while at the same time you are standing behind Jargongrad and Meridianland?
Evil Wolf: Oh damn. I hadn’t thought of that one.
Max Another Spectre is coming out of the box to haunt you. This one is called the “Convention on Espionage.”
Fedele: I cast an aura of “Immunity to conventions”, as we never signed that one!
Max. The Convention on Espionage does not seem to be attacking you directly. It seems to be making the spectre of Public Credibility much, much stronger.
Jargongrad and Meridianland: Damn.
Max: The spectre attacks again, and Hits! The whole party loses another two credibility points. Meridianland, you now have no public credibility at all.
Fedele: But we are hiding behind… I mean standing behind Jargongrad and Meridianland
Max: Your stance does not seem to be working. You are all losing public credibility. And the more you attack, the worse it seems to be getting
Evil Wolf: I am going to cast another spell…. On the box!
Max: What spell do you want to cast
Evil wolf: The “command” spell.
Max: What do you want to command the box to do?
Evil Wolf: I want to command the box to apologise.
Max: But YOU LOT smashed the box.
Evil Wolf: I don’t care. Unless the box apologises I am not playing any more.
Max: OK. Evil Wolf, what is your hutzpah statistic.
Evil Wolf: 18! As high as you can get.
Max: Fine. You should make this one!… you roll…. And miss! Nobody at all is buying that one!
Meridianland: Let's split the party. I am going to leave the LWU! That way Fedele and Evil wolf can Claim Immunity! I am going to join DEN.
Max: What is LWU going to do?
Meridianland, Evil wolf and Fedele: Flee!
Max: I’m sorry, but that is too little, too late. The spectre wins this battle, and the party loses ALL it’s public credibility. But you do gain 1000 experience points, because you should have learned a lesson from all of this
*A bell rings*
Max: That is the end of lunchtime! See you here tomorrow.
All: Bye.
and possibly and If you cannot recognise satire when you see it, I suggest you stare for a while at this picture of a kitten and puppy and think happy thoughts. Everyone else, scroll down...
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Dungeons and Nationstates
Like many in the wider NS world I was disgusted when Meridianland (a four-star general in Lone Wolves United), and Jargongrad (Field Martial of DEN) gained access to, and deleted irrevocably, vast swathes of the forum of the defender organisation RIA. Like many in NS, I thought that those days were behind us following public reaction to earlier uses of such tactics. It was compounded by the fact that this was not the action of overzealous newbies acting beyond their brief – it was the calculated act of some of the highest ranking officers in these invader organisations.
The story can be followed in whole here in the NPWire and in the Meritocracy’s excellent Intermet News.
However, my disgust turned to amazement when I saw the stream of arguments, excuses and justifications LWU and DEN came out with in the aftermath of the forum destruction. I thought to myself “What is going on?” Then I realised – These groups have forgotten that they are playing Nationstates, and think that they are playing Dungeons and Dragons:
The Party
Evil Wolf: Human Magic User
Fedele: Elvish Cleric
Jargongrad: Half-orc Fighter
Meridianland: Halfling Illusionist.
Den and LWU play dungeons and dragons with Max Barry
The party is on level seven of a dungeon, when they enter a large chamber.
Max Barry (dungeonmaster): OK. In the centre of the chamber is a large, glowing box. Inscribed on the box are the words “RIA FORUM”. There seems to be a lot of noise coming from the box. What do you want to do? Open the box, or leave it?
Jargongrad and Meridianland: We want to smash the box!
Max (startled): Are you sure? It looks valuable.
Jargongrad and Meridianland: Who cares? Smash the box.
Max: OK. Roll a D20…… the box smashes into a thousand pieces. Over 200 threads are destroyed. A grey cloud emerges and begins to form into a ghostly shape. Everyone roll against their Intelligence for fear.
Jargongrad: My intelligence is only a 6.
Max: Jargongrad, you are scared, and may not speak for the rest of this combat. Others will have to do your speaking for you. The grey shape is a spectre, the spectre of international opinion….. a very high level monster.
Fedele: Oh shit. That monster permanently drains public credibility.
the spectre of public opinion
Max: What does the party want to do? What is your formation
Evil wolf: DEN and LWU are going to stand behind Jargongrad and Meridianland.
Fedele: Yeah. Let them take the rap.
Meridianland: I am going to cast an Illusion “Messages of Support”
Fedele: What good does that do?
Meridianland: It allows me to claim that I have received dozens of messages of support, and that most people love what I did to the RIA Forum. It makes me immune to public opinion.
Fedele: Where are the messages?
Meridianland: Silly, it is an illusion!
Max: What is your credibility statistic?
Meridianland: Only a three I am afraid.
Max. I’m sorry, your credibility is too low for anyone to believe an illusion that big. The spell fails.
Max: The spectre attacks and….. hits. The whole party takes a 1 point drop in credibility.
Evil Wolf: What do you mean “The whole party”? We did not hit the box!
Max: yes, but you are all part of the same group.
Evil wolf: Right, I am going to cast the spell “Claim of Ignorance” on Fedele and myself.
Evil wolf and Fedele begin to chant: “It wasn’t our fault; we knew nothing about it; It wasn’t our fault; we knew nothing about it…. ”
Max: Hang on. How can you cast that spell while at the same time you are standing behind Jargongrad and Meridianland?
Evil Wolf: Oh damn. I hadn’t thought of that one.
Max Another Spectre is coming out of the box to haunt you. This one is called the “Convention on Espionage.”
Fedele: I cast an aura of “Immunity to conventions”, as we never signed that one!
Max. The Convention on Espionage does not seem to be attacking you directly. It seems to be making the spectre of Public Credibility much, much stronger.
Jargongrad and Meridianland: Damn.
Max: The spectre attacks again, and Hits! The whole party loses another two credibility points. Meridianland, you now have no public credibility at all.
Fedele: But we are hiding behind… I mean standing behind Jargongrad and Meridianland
Max: Your stance does not seem to be working. You are all losing public credibility. And the more you attack, the worse it seems to be getting
Evil Wolf: I am going to cast another spell…. On the box!
Max: What spell do you want to cast
Evil wolf: The “command” spell.
Max: What do you want to command the box to do?
Evil Wolf: I want to command the box to apologise.
Max: But YOU LOT smashed the box.
Evil Wolf: I don’t care. Unless the box apologises I am not playing any more.
Max: OK. Evil Wolf, what is your hutzpah statistic.
Evil Wolf: 18! As high as you can get.
Max: Fine. You should make this one!… you roll…. And miss! Nobody at all is buying that one!
Meridianland: Let's split the party. I am going to leave the LWU! That way Fedele and Evil wolf can Claim Immunity! I am going to join DEN.
Max: What is LWU going to do?
Meridianland, Evil wolf and Fedele: Flee!
Max: I’m sorry, but that is too little, too late. The spectre wins this battle, and the party loses ALL it’s public credibility. But you do gain 1000 experience points, because you should have learned a lesson from all of this
*A bell rings*
Max: That is the end of lunchtime! See you here tomorrow.
All: Bye.
