TNP’s Hottest Club is “Girl, hold my earrings.” Snuggled into the back corner of a surprisingly spacious bottle return bin on the lower east side, “Girl, hold my earrings” is the 5 Hour Energy fueled niacin flush of New York’s only vitamin D deficient amateur entomologist, Jiminy Rickets. This club has everything your mother’s new boyfriend Tom disapproves of, but can’t do anything about because YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD, TOM! We’re talking: A haunted Speak-n-Spell that tells you the exact time and date that you’re going to die, A troop of Samoan “Saved by the Bell” cosplayers, The Infinity Gauntlet… And look over there! Is that Magnum P.I. himself, mister Tom Selleck? NO! It’s a poorly patched inflatable sex doll covered in live bees! And just when you think that your night can’t possibly get any more magical, you’re whisked away for a colorful game of Human Skittles! “Human Skittles? You mean like the candy?” Yes. No. Yes. No no no. It’s that thing that everybody does, where you duct tape a bunch of scared German tourists to office chairs and force feed them handfuls of dry Alka-Seltzer and Pop Rocks. Then you make them wash it down with those little tear drop things full of different colored food coloring and spin them really fast until they projectile vomit. “Why on earth would you do that to someone?” So they can TASTE THE RAINBOW!