arietti
the sentient Ry Bread, at your service!
Does your life suck? Do you grumble and complain because you don't know what you're doing? Is your life just plain crummy? Then you've come to the right place, my friends! Welcome to Ry Bread's crumb of advice for a crumby life - your daily dose of wonderful wisdom to ease your aching and crumbling mind.
This month's question comes from BottledWater19, who asks me How can I make the best quesadilla?
Well, you've asked the right person! As a bread I find myself cooking all the time! Carbohydrates are my personal favorite, they fuel you up and they taste so good too! Just uh.. don't tell my cousin Martin, please.. my wheat family is not too accepting of other cultures.
Anyways, back on topic! Quesadillas are something I have made plenty of times for my growing bread loaf family and now, today and today only, I will teach you how to make them for your own enjoyment! This is our family recipe and we have sworn on it for years, so I really hope you enjoy it.
The Ry Family Quesadillas
Ingredients:
Tortillas (I recommend corn but flour is okay if you don't mind my white bread cousins coming after and trying to kill you)
Shredded cheese of any flavor
Fingers (usually 8 will do)
A dash of hatred for your ex
A pinch of dignity
Cajun seasoning (optional)
Hot sauce
Materials:
Frying pan
Spatula
Cheezits
TNP user named Bobberino
Butcher knife
A stale meme
Instructions
Set the stove heat on low. Like, super low. You'll need a lot of time on your hands to get the other ingredients ready while it cooks.
Toss one tortilla into the pan and sprinkle as much cheese as you like on it! Seriously, who cares about the diabetes you'll get? The cheesy melty goodness is so good and besides, at least your heart is getting broken by cholesterol and not a person. It hurts way less, trust me.
As the pan and its contents continue to warm up, grab a device with internet access and log into an overrated meme site like Reddit or ifunny. Then, post your most stale, overrated meme you have. This step is crucial to the process so make sure it's your dustiest, crustiest meme available. You need to use it to lure a TNP user named Bobberino to you and he only accepts memes that match his personality.
Once it's posted, make a trail of Cheezits from your front door to your kitchen. Bob will have pinged your IP address by now, but he will be a bit shy when it comes to walking into the house as he doesn't want people to realise just how crusty he is. Do not fear though, Cheezits will lure him in right away. It's that beautiful taste of cholesterol and heart disease. Who doesn't love it?
And now, you wait . Until Bob has reached the last Cheezit, that is. As he is eating the delicious treats, grab your butcher knife and hide behind a door or under a table, somewhere where you wont be seen. He is extremely dense, so it shouldnt be that hard to find a place. When his hand reaches out for the last Cheezit, that is when you pounce! Quickly grab him by the wrist and yank him to the ground, where you will promptly chop off his fingers with the butcher knife. Dont yah see how it comes in handy? Get it? God I love dad jokes. Anyways!
After removing all of his fingers, you then need to take the butcher knife and BRUTALLY AND GLORIOUSLY IMPALE- I mean, hehe promptly behead him! Note that there will be a lot of blood at this stage, but its okay, you can just eat it later. It tastes like cherry snow cones! Teehee!
Toss the fingers into the cheese sitting on the tortilla. Dont worry about removing the bones, theyll add a special flavor and a satisfying crunch you cant get anywhere else!
Throw in a pinch of hate for your ex on top of all the cheesy, boney goodness. Transferring your hate onto the food will allow you to feel like you're eating your exs fingers whenever you take a bite, which will make the food more satisfying in the end. Who doesn't love bringing pain to the person who brought it to you?
Place a second tortilla on top of the pile. Or 2. Or 3. Or however many youd like. Its just a heart attack youll get, who cares? Then, flip the quesadilla onto the other side. When you think its crispy enough, put it onto a plate. Enjoy!
As soon as youre done, grab your hot sauce. Keep an eye on the windows and cabinet doors because thats where my cousins like to break in through. As soon as they try to pounce, throw the hot sauce at them! It will make them soggy and unable to do anything to you, which will stop them from ripping into your intestines and slurping them like noodles. Yummy!- oh, I mean, yay you! You survive! Sadly..
I hope you find this quesadilla recipe satisfactory, and a delicious meal to add to your dinner schedules for years to come. Thank you BottledWater19 for asking this splendid question and thank you, viewer, for reading! Tune in next time for more crumby advice for a crumby life!
This month's question comes from BottledWater19, who asks me How can I make the best quesadilla?
Well, you've asked the right person! As a bread I find myself cooking all the time! Carbohydrates are my personal favorite, they fuel you up and they taste so good too! Just uh.. don't tell my cousin Martin, please.. my wheat family is not too accepting of other cultures.
Anyways, back on topic! Quesadillas are something I have made plenty of times for my growing bread loaf family and now, today and today only, I will teach you how to make them for your own enjoyment! This is our family recipe and we have sworn on it for years, so I really hope you enjoy it.
The Ry Family Quesadillas
Ingredients:
Tortillas (I recommend corn but flour is okay if you don't mind my white bread cousins coming after and trying to kill you)
Shredded cheese of any flavor
Fingers (usually 8 will do)
A dash of hatred for your ex
A pinch of dignity
Cajun seasoning (optional)
Hot sauce
Materials:
Frying pan
Spatula
Cheezits
TNP user named Bobberino
Butcher knife
A stale meme
Instructions
Set the stove heat on low. Like, super low. You'll need a lot of time on your hands to get the other ingredients ready while it cooks.
Toss one tortilla into the pan and sprinkle as much cheese as you like on it! Seriously, who cares about the diabetes you'll get? The cheesy melty goodness is so good and besides, at least your heart is getting broken by cholesterol and not a person. It hurts way less, trust me.
As the pan and its contents continue to warm up, grab a device with internet access and log into an overrated meme site like Reddit or ifunny. Then, post your most stale, overrated meme you have. This step is crucial to the process so make sure it's your dustiest, crustiest meme available. You need to use it to lure a TNP user named Bobberino to you and he only accepts memes that match his personality.
Once it's posted, make a trail of Cheezits from your front door to your kitchen. Bob will have pinged your IP address by now, but he will be a bit shy when it comes to walking into the house as he doesn't want people to realise just how crusty he is. Do not fear though, Cheezits will lure him in right away. It's that beautiful taste of cholesterol and heart disease. Who doesn't love it?
And now, you wait . Until Bob has reached the last Cheezit, that is. As he is eating the delicious treats, grab your butcher knife and hide behind a door or under a table, somewhere where you wont be seen. He is extremely dense, so it shouldnt be that hard to find a place. When his hand reaches out for the last Cheezit, that is when you pounce! Quickly grab him by the wrist and yank him to the ground, where you will promptly chop off his fingers with the butcher knife. Dont yah see how it comes in handy? Get it? God I love dad jokes. Anyways!
After removing all of his fingers, you then need to take the butcher knife and BRUTALLY AND GLORIOUSLY IMPALE- I mean, hehe promptly behead him! Note that there will be a lot of blood at this stage, but its okay, you can just eat it later. It tastes like cherry snow cones! Teehee!
Toss the fingers into the cheese sitting on the tortilla. Dont worry about removing the bones, theyll add a special flavor and a satisfying crunch you cant get anywhere else!
Throw in a pinch of hate for your ex on top of all the cheesy, boney goodness. Transferring your hate onto the food will allow you to feel like you're eating your exs fingers whenever you take a bite, which will make the food more satisfying in the end. Who doesn't love bringing pain to the person who brought it to you?
Place a second tortilla on top of the pile. Or 2. Or 3. Or however many youd like. Its just a heart attack youll get, who cares? Then, flip the quesadilla onto the other side. When you think its crispy enough, put it onto a plate. Enjoy!
As soon as youre done, grab your hot sauce. Keep an eye on the windows and cabinet doors because thats where my cousins like to break in through. As soon as they try to pounce, throw the hot sauce at them! It will make them soggy and unable to do anything to you, which will stop them from ripping into your intestines and slurping them like noodles. Yummy!- oh, I mean, yay you! You survive! Sadly..
I hope you find this quesadilla recipe satisfactory, and a delicious meal to add to your dinner schedules for years to come. Thank you BottledWater19 for asking this splendid question and thank you, viewer, for reading! Tune in next time for more crumby advice for a crumby life!