Proxy of Demescia
TNPer
- TNP Nation
- Demescia
(Sorry if this is off-topic! I just saw that it'd fit this sub-forum.)
This is an allegory I wrote about petroleum in the Middle East. I want you people to critique it. Keep in mind that it's not finished (I haven't added in the part where the cereal Cinnamon Toast Crunchies invade one of the cookies' milk extraction farms).
It was a pleasant day in Doughnut Ring, and Cooper the snickerdoodle was collecting chocolate chips, one of his village’s primary food sources, on the bank of the chocolate lake. There were usually many chocolate chips on the bank at this time of day, but today, only one. He was puzzled by this, but went on to extract the chocolate chip from the sand. He rubbed his arms together, preparing to pull it out. He put them on the chocolate chip and tugged, successfully extracting it from the sand. However, immediately after his success, a white liquid began oozing from the original spot of the chocolate chip. This perplexed Cooper even more than the dearth of chocolate chips on the bank.
Curious, Cooper decided to touch the liquid. Right when he did, it gushed, striking his face. He collapsed and let out a shout, causing the other cookies to come to his rescue.
“What happened?” Cameron, the village’s monarch, asked. “Are you alright?”
“I don’t know, really.” Cooper answered, before he stood up “One moment, I’m collecting chocolate chips; the next I’m getting squirted by a white mystery liquid.”
“How do you feel?”
“I feel–invincible, like I could work all day and all night. I feel–strength–surging throughout my body.”
Regardless, Cameron sent him to the clinic for some examinations and treatment. But a few hours later, while the other cookies except Cooper were back in their homes, Dr. Cox, a scientist and medic renowned in this part of Doughnut Ring, burst out of his office, exclaiming “Eureka!” and all the other cookies, including Cooper, gathered around him.
“Is he cured?” Cameron asked.
“Well – no, but I did discover something quite interesting. You see, I was analyzing the mystery liquid with my microscope and did some experiments with it. It seems that the mystery liquid release chemicals that, when digested, not only changes the tint of cookie crumbage, but also gives cookies extra nutrients and generally betters their mood. They might feel a tingly sensation, but this liquid, I believe, is essential to not only cookie health but also cookie workforce.”
“So in other words, the mystery liquid is actually – good?”
“At least that’s what I think, but I should do more research. I think I should call this liquid – Milkousthegunxlasitlanaminutonoxasnesic Amernoeuminaxthropicortioum.”
“Or just call it Milk.” Cameron suggested.
“That’s even better!” exclaimed Cox.
This is an allegory I wrote about petroleum in the Middle East. I want you people to critique it. Keep in mind that it's not finished (I haven't added in the part where the cereal Cinnamon Toast Crunchies invade one of the cookies' milk extraction farms).
It was a pleasant day in Doughnut Ring, and Cooper the snickerdoodle was collecting chocolate chips, one of his village’s primary food sources, on the bank of the chocolate lake. There were usually many chocolate chips on the bank at this time of day, but today, only one. He was puzzled by this, but went on to extract the chocolate chip from the sand. He rubbed his arms together, preparing to pull it out. He put them on the chocolate chip and tugged, successfully extracting it from the sand. However, immediately after his success, a white liquid began oozing from the original spot of the chocolate chip. This perplexed Cooper even more than the dearth of chocolate chips on the bank.
Curious, Cooper decided to touch the liquid. Right when he did, it gushed, striking his face. He collapsed and let out a shout, causing the other cookies to come to his rescue.
“What happened?” Cameron, the village’s monarch, asked. “Are you alright?”
“I don’t know, really.” Cooper answered, before he stood up “One moment, I’m collecting chocolate chips; the next I’m getting squirted by a white mystery liquid.”
“How do you feel?”
“I feel–invincible, like I could work all day and all night. I feel–strength–surging throughout my body.”
Regardless, Cameron sent him to the clinic for some examinations and treatment. But a few hours later, while the other cookies except Cooper were back in their homes, Dr. Cox, a scientist and medic renowned in this part of Doughnut Ring, burst out of his office, exclaiming “Eureka!” and all the other cookies, including Cooper, gathered around him.
“Is he cured?” Cameron asked.
“Well – no, but I did discover something quite interesting. You see, I was analyzing the mystery liquid with my microscope and did some experiments with it. It seems that the mystery liquid release chemicals that, when digested, not only changes the tint of cookie crumbage, but also gives cookies extra nutrients and generally betters their mood. They might feel a tingly sensation, but this liquid, I believe, is essential to not only cookie health but also cookie workforce.”
“So in other words, the mystery liquid is actually – good?”
“At least that’s what I think, but I should do more research. I think I should call this liquid – Milkousthegunxlasitlanaminutonoxasnesic Amernoeuminaxthropicortioum.”
“Or just call it Milk.” Cameron suggested.
“That’s even better!” exclaimed Cox.
