Had a bad day? Need some cheering up? Read the jokes in this thread and have a laugh! Feel free to contribute your own jokes too, and give your opinions on other jokes!
Just a couple of rules to this, however. Please, no racial, ethnic, gender, etc. slurs. If you're doing a joke about a group, think it through: for instance, a joke about lawyers would be fine, but jokes about ethnic groups are a no-no. Jokes that toe the line-of-appropriateness are okay (innuendos & slightly raunchy). Generally, nothing R or X rated. The guideline is you want to brighten their day, not attack them.
(Thanks to SillyString for help on the rules).
I have few starting (dog) jokes. They'll be terrible, but here we go...
Feel free to contribute more jokes, and give your opinions on these ones!
Just a couple of rules to this, however. Please, no racial, ethnic, gender, etc. slurs. If you're doing a joke about a group, think it through: for instance, a joke about lawyers would be fine, but jokes about ethnic groups are a no-no. Jokes that toe the line-of-appropriateness are okay (innuendos & slightly raunchy). Generally, nothing R or X rated. The guideline is you want to brighten their day, not attack them.
(Thanks to SillyString for help on the rules).
I have few starting (dog) jokes. They'll be terrible, but here we go...
Rex the Labrador was sitting upright in his seat at the movies. He was wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The man behind Rex tapped Rex's owner on the shoulder and said, "That's an incredible dog. Extraordinary behaviour."
Rex's owner replies, "He's surprised me too. He absolutely hated the book!"
Rex's owner replies, "He's surprised me too. He absolutely hated the book!"
A dog goes into a grocer's with a basket in its mouth. In the basket is a shopping list and a purse. The grocer reads the list, puts the goods requested into the basket, takes some money from the purse and puts back the change. The dog then runs off home. This happens every week for months and the grocer becomes extremely impressed by the animal's intelligence and its dedication to its task. One day he decides to follow the animal home and see if its owner would be willing to sell it. The dog eventually leads the grocer to a run-down house where it puts the basket on the doorstep and rings the door-bell with its nose. After a few seconds an old woman opens the door and starts hitting the dog with a stick. "Stop!" shouts the grocer. "What are you doing? That's the most intelligent dog I've ever seen in my life."
"Intelligent, my arse!" shouts the old woman. "That's the third time this week he's forgotten his keys!"
"Intelligent, my arse!" shouts the old woman. "That's the third time this week he's forgotten his keys!"
"With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave." Rodney Dangerfield
Feel free to contribute more jokes, and give your opinions on these ones!
