Festival of the Blessing of the Sugar Canes

Despite the slight delay caused by the heavy downpour of rain prompted by the onset of Hurricane Real Life, the Blessing of the Sugar Canes is now ready to begin.


Later there will be a keynote speech from GBM, doyenne of Rum, and other festivities.

The opening event will be a religious blessing, presided over by Flemingovia. But first there will be a word of welcome from our delegate, R3N.

Welcome everyone to this year's Festival of the Blessing of the Sugar Canes, hopefully the first of many.

As I am sure you all know from your own personal experience with it, rum runs aplenty in The North Pacific. It is our regional drink, enjoyed by all 4000 of our nations, and exported to our friends in the other quadrants of the Pacific Ocean.

Perhaps less known and certainly less enjoyed are our local grown sugar canes. This graceful plant is omnipresent in our region, from small local crops to enormous plantations (yes, we have plenty of arable land, despite being an ocean). Without a wealthy production of sugar canes, we would not be able to indulge in our rum, be it white, gold, spiced, or what have you. We would not be able to enjoy our regional dish of macaroni and cheese with bacon second favorite dish of Jamaican rum chicken. Our bars and grills would run dry. And our population would suffer greatly.

The blessing of the sugar canes is one of the measures we take to avoid such a disaster, along with other more scientific but probably less effectual measures such as modernizing our cultivation procedures. And of course, it is an excellent opportunity to celebrate and drink rum. And on that note, for the duration of the celebration, I have instructed the Minister of Rum (yes, we have one just for that) to open up the expansive and well-stocked cellars of the Delegate's mansion to the public. You will find there some of our best barrels of TNP rum, and you are welcome to fix yourself a drink or two, straight or cocktail.

On a concluding and somewhat more serious note, it is always welcome to see cultural events organised in the region by citizens outside the Ministry of Culture. Regional culture is by definition a collaborative effort, and it is important that all regional societies, be it government ministries, political groups, RP societies, or of course churches, contribute to it. In that spirit, I would like to thank the Church of Flemingovianism for organizing this event, and I hope it is successful and enjoyed by everyone.

GBM enters to the strains of her theme song,

"Now many moons and many Junes, Have passed since we made land. Yes, a salty dog..."

Teetering on remarkably impractical Jimmy Choos, and likely having already sampled the rum, she has a bit of a Jennifer Lawrence moment.





Oopsy-daisy! Seems I'm a little off-balance. I might have started celebrating a bit early. But I've always believed a balanced diet consists of a bottle of rum in each hand. In fact, throughout TNP history, during all of our wars, rogues and assorted usurpers, we were always fueled by rum. You could call it Tradition.

It may have all started with my most infamous offspring. One day TNP was chugging along with UPS Rail, and the next day Great Bight had replaced the RMB's forum link with a 6th grade pirate site. That's when the "Yaarring and Arrghing" began. How well I recall - there was Gentleman Pirate, the Cabin Girl, and of course, that SOB, Great Bights Dad, Flem rest his soul. The more nations were banned, the more rum we drank. The blockade continued, the bannings went on. We ran out of food, but we didn't care. We always had boatloads of rum.

Time and again our shores were befouled by the oafs of Gatesville. They were easy marks for Flem's lampooning. It was really some of his best work. Finally Gates admitted they just came for the rum. Roman bribed him with the promise of tankers loaded with TNP rum. Eventually, they drank themselves to death. You could say we were saved by the rum.

Now we have peace and prosperity. The McMasterdonian Sugar Mill has made McM a very rich man. The DD Distillery is thriving. Everyone loves the Silly Spiced Rum, the Captain COE and of course r3n-rum. Some newer varieties are Dark Tomb, Flap Jack and Paul Hits the Wall. That last one may not be for everybody, but I like it. You can say this about TNP, we love nothing more than a barrel of rum.

So as I look out over this dusty red clay, I can envision, with Flem's blessing, the tall stalks of cane, their leaves blowing in the tradewinds. I look forward to the glow of the burning fields at harvest time, with that sweet, smoky, unforgettable aroma. And mostly, I anticipate the lively, dark sipping rum that is TNP's finest.

Cheers!

Ah yes, how could I forget:

Most excellent statements GBM & r3n. I laughed hard at Paul Wall Hits the Wall.

I must say that I am very fortunate and wealthy thanks to my sugar mill. This blessing is very important, so that the sugar & Rum industries can continue to flourish in TNP.

Where would we be without our ever growing rum industry?

Indeed! SillyString's excellent distilleries have produced some of the finest vintages year after year, thanks entirely to the abundance and fecundity of our regional sugar canes.

Truly, this holy blessing has brought nothing but prosperity upon our great region, and without it we would surely perish stone cold sober. All praise to our lord flemingovia, who bestows upon us such bounty!

*raises a can of real-sugar vanilla cola in salute*

Isn't the real-sugar stuff just amazing? I had to stockpile it for a few years, since the local supermarket would sell it around Passover as Kosher Coke but only at that holiday. Then I discovered you can get it from Costco as Mexican Coke (not to be confused with the other Mexican Coke, which AFAIK Costco does not sell. ). And now this summer, I keep hearing ads on the radio for "Pepsi made with REAL SUGAR!". It's about time!

AND costco has it in the glass bottles. Heaven!

Great Bights Mum:

the Captain COE

Click to expand...

I've been demoted!

No, it's just been aged. You were a captain when it was bottled.

Well played, Mum. Well played.

I used to have a bottle of good Cuban rum, purchased from Heathrow Airport. Man, that stuff was fantastic.

A friend and officemate of mine visited Cuba last Christmas, and he brought each one of us in the office a small sample bottle of some very good Cuban rum. Even though a tiny bottle, it was really helpful with the SIGGRAPH 2014 deadline.