Stories of The North Pacific feature: PC Political Newsletter

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Stories of The North Pacific feature: PC Political Newsletter

For the fourth volume of Stories of The North Pacific, the Executive Staff of the Ministry of Culture has chosen to feature the factbook PC Political Newsletter. Congratulations to its author, PC World News!

The factbook will remain pinned in the WFE and linked in the News Box until September 13th. It is also reproduced below for your convenience. Note that because of coding incompatibilities between the NationStates game and our forum, the reproduction is only partial. You are encouraged to read the factbook in its original form, as linked above.

You can nominate factbooks to be featured in Stories of The North Pacific here. And you can join the team selecting the features by applying for the Executive Staff here.


PC Political Newsletter

KIDS CASH IN AT CRAPS TABLES!

In response to a proposal by AT&T (Association for Tiddlers & Toddlers) leader Hewitt Pyle, Finn Friendly signed Executive Order 13584, which gave children of all ages the right to gamble. This, of course, has led to several protests from members of the Conservative Marriage Association. This is what CMA leader Christian Amanpour had to say:

"Children our the future of our society! How can we preserve matrimonial stability for the next generation when future husbands and wives are slowly turning into gambling addicts! If we don't repeal this executive order now, we will be helpless as we watch the marriages of our children falter at the roulette table! This legislation will only lead to higher divorce rates and more gambling addicts. Count on it."

Hewitt Pyle, while holding a royal flush at the blackjack table, had this to say:

"If these right-wing nut jobs had it their way, children would be spending their afternoons chained to rocking chairs reading bibles. Gambling, despite what those over at the CMA believe, teaches children many life skills, like budgeting, taking risks, how to cope with loss. Many married men in this generation just can't admit to their wives that they are losers in the real world. Doesn't it stand to reason that these men would've been more confident to admit they were failures if they had started losing everything at younger ages? If it wasn't for the reality that gambling provides, we would have a society composed of puffed-up narcissists! Talk about a threat to a successful marriage! These conservative wackos just need to relax and realize that children have the right to be lifelong failures!"

There you go, ladies and gentlemen! Another wise ruling by Finn Friendly. I'm Tony Friedman, and this is PC Politics.

(September 1, 2014)

FINN FRIENDLY SAVES FORESTS!

Yesterday morning, Ucorp leader Chad Bernstein proposed a legislation to the Executive Counsel that would demolish the local forests for rich uranium deposits. In response to this, many environmental activists, including ESPN (Environmental Society for Preservation of Nature) leader William Shawnee, led a corporate-wide protest outside PC World Studios. Sympathizing with the activists, Finn Friendly signed Executive Order 16440, which prohibited deforestation.

We interviewed William Shawnee, who had this to say:

"The cries of many have been heard, and they now cry to thank Finn Friendly for his decision not to trade the welfare of the great backwoods forest for the promise of temporary wealth. It makes me joyful to know that we will be able to enjoy nature once again. May this be so forever, and may the forest never be threatened again by corporate bullies."

Unfortunately, Bernstein refused to discuss the matter with PC World News reporters. Apparently, he was offended by yet another great decision by our CEO President Finn Friendly. I'm Tony Friedman, and this is PC PolItics.

(August 31, 2014)

PC WORLD NEWS LIBERATES GAYS!

Literally minutes ago, CEO President Finn Friendly signed Executive Order 99357, which gave homosexuals the right to participate in marriage. Although many political rights activists like Ryan Shirts are overjoyed that this legislation has been passed, many conservative organizations, like the Conservative Marriage Association, have expressed outrage against their president.

Here what Christian Amanpour, Leader of CMA, had to say:

"Our organization is devoted to the preservation of marital sanctity, and I'll be a monkey's uncle if I just stand idly by while the morality of civilization gets flushed down the liberal toilet of progressiveness! If we start changing the definitions of marriage, It won't be long before people start marrying dogs, weed, pet rocks, and everything else on God's green earth! Do you really want to live in that kind of society? This legislation needs to be repealed."

An offended Ryan Shirts responded accordingly:

"It's homophobia, I tell you! They are just scared of change, but what else can you expect from these traditionalist backwoodsy conservatives. If we didn't have the right to get married, then people would be beating us up community buses. Besides, once the people here at PC see how tolerant and peaceful the gay community is, they will be more open minded to the idea of sexual preference. I'm sure if the tables were turned around, they would agree with me."

And, once again, CEO President Finn Friendly has signed another legislation of freedom. I'm Tony Friedman, and this is PC Politics.

(August 30, 2014)

ATHEISTS BEAT CATHOLICS! NO MORE SPIRITUAL ADVISORS!

Kathy Endgraham, a PC left-wing commentator, proposed a bill at to the PC Executive Congress that would separate church and business. After long hours of debates from both Kathy Endgraham and Evan Walker, Archbishop of the PC Church of St. Pope, Finn Friendly signed the proposed bill under Executive Order 77923. Of course, this has enraged the religiously devout of the PC staff into mad fits of alcoholism, with the exception of the Baptist Church of St. No Pope who decided to skip the entire meeting for a Sunday morning luncheon.

We interviewed Evan Walker, and here's what he had to say:

"The people have spiritual needs that have to be met! Without God, men will feel useless and will wet their pants, and who will be their to change their pee-stained boxer shorts? It won't be Kathy, or her left-wing lobbyists! The PC Staff needs the Church! It would be in the best interest of this news station if they offered a new proposal to the Executive Congress. If we don't change this bill soon, we can expect to see the reporters at PC abuse their children."

Of course, Kathy Endgraham responded accordingly:

"I have to disagree with my friend here. I happen to wet myself all the time, and I don't need an Archbishop to tell me how to change my diapers! If they had it their way, I would have to pay them a nickel every time I messed myself. Well, we here at PC are proud to know that we are civilized enough to understand that when we mess, we can mess freely without some catholic dictating our lives! This isn't the Middle Ages, and Catholicism, as well as any other religious cult, has no place here at the PC World News Channel!"

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, another great decision by the Executive Congress and CEO President Finn Friendly. I'm Tony Friedman, and this is PC Politics.

(August 28, 2014)

COMPULSORY VOTERS CRY HAVOC!

Earlier this morning, CEO President Finn Friendly signed Executive Order 12681, which states that all reporters have to vote, or be penalized. Though many within the organization are infuriated with the president's decision, several reporters, including myself, felt that this legislation will benefit all the employees of the PC World News committee.

We, of course, interviewed both Pete Hammock, a political activist for NRA (Napping Rights Association), and Senator July Mayer.

Pete Hammock:

"We the people have the right to sleep whenever we want to! The government's been trying to change that for years! You see, it all starts with things like "you can't sleep all day today because you have to vote", and before you know it, they're throwing you in jail for falling asleep in your own home! This tyranny cannot be allowed! We the people demand it!"

July Mayer:

"I don't see how this could be considered an infringement on someone's rights! Like I said earlier, the votes aren't truly representative if everyone doesn't vote. Now that the bill has passed, I am confident that we will see a more democratic PC World News Channel."

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, another great decision by president Finn Friendly. I'm Tony Friedman, and this is PC Politics.

(August 27, 2014)
 
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