What has happened to JAL?

Flemingovia

Flemingovia

TNPer
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This is Kent Brockman....

A few hours ago, on IRC, JAL announced he was popping to starbucks for a coffee, and would be back soon.

Two hours have passed. Nothing has been heard.

In the absence of any hard evidence, what do YOU feel has happened to John Ashcroft Land?
 
My theory is that he met a girl on the way there, was invited back to her flat, and is even now making mad, passionate love to her on a futon. Later on, they will go out for a chinese, then to a bar, then back to her flat for the night.

In the morning she will go off to her job as a high court judge - at which point JAL will realise just how old she actually is. Filled with remorse, he will be too embarassed to come back on IRC until..... WEdnesday.

That is my theory.
 
The answer is deceptively simple:

[scene: JAL is sitting in Starbucks, sipping His Vendi Latte, casually flicking through his copy of Algebra for Dummies, sitting near the window of the starbucks on a sofa, with a table in front of him. Some guy sits down on the sofa]

Guy: You do know that you are sipping the blood and sweat of a thousand Colombian workers right?
JAL(in mid sip): mmmm??
Guy: Starbucks regularly forces unfair wages on its workers in the coffee fields of Colombia, just so self-absorbed, mindless consumerists such as yourself can enjoy a cup of coffee, and thus making you a part of of a capitalist machine that runs on the blood of innocents.
JAL: ....
Guy: If starbucks was an individual, it would be charged with murder. The people forced out of their homes to make room for more fields for dairy cattle for the cream in your coffee, the hundred of workers whipped into submission because they didnt reach the quota for the sugar canes needed to make your miserable life just a little bit sweeter. The children who choke on the fumes of the gas guzzling transports that move about the ingredients for your blood-drink. THAT is the wonderful side of your comfy little drink of coffee. THAT is the price of you going out and enjoying your consumerist lifestyle. THAT is what happens, in every corner of the planet, EVERYDAY, and you don't give a s***. What do you say to that?
JAL: ....This is Kenyan coffee.
Guy:....oh
JAL: Erm, whats your name, anyway?
Guy: Tyler Durden.
JAL: ......


The rest of the 2 hours was taken up by JAL's wacky adventures with his new 'friend'.

[size=-3]Disclaimer: The statements issued against Starbucks are completely fiction, and have no basis in fact.
....
or DOES it?[/size]
 
My theory: He was accosted by an angry axe-wielding Asta for taunting her about Physics and brutally maimed. :P

Oh wait.. that was just my lovely dream last night. :tb3:
 
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