OPArsenal
TNPer
Bush Wounded in War on Christmas
December 13, 2005
WASHINGTON D.C. - President Bush continued to draw fire today from enraged Christian extremists who see him as the latest enemy combatant in the rapidly escalating War on Christmas.
The president touched off the firefight by sending out a White House communication emblazoned with the incendiary terminology: "Best wishes for a holiday season of hope and happiness."
Bush claimed he received faulty intelligence from his Christmas card team and failed to realize the mere mention of "Happy Holidays" is enough to send some of his biggest supporters into a yuletide rage. Many critics regard the card as a slap in the face of Jesus himself.
Meanwhile, the airwaves are abuzz with the inane debate over whether America is "taking the Christ out of Christmas."
Sources say Bush is working with the Pentagon to draft a new card carrying the preferred wording: "Merry Birth Anniversary of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior who died on the cross for our sins so that we may ascend to the Kingdom of Heaven."
As critics blasted the card for being too "politically correct," a White House insider noted that at least one other version did feature Jesus but was nixed for being too "anatomically correct."
"Karl Rove joked that we should go with 'Peace on Earth'," said the senior official, who asked to remain anonymous for fear that Dick Cheney would strangle him and bury his lifeless body in an undisclosed location.
The Homeland Security Department cautioned citizens that uttering the words "Happy Holidays" may put them at heightened risk of attack by Christian extremists.
In a related story, a Texas man reportedly shot a Mexican for wishing him "Feliz Navidad."
Sources say the president is planning a damage-control press conference later today to wish everyone a "Merry Christmas, especially all our friends in the Muslim world."
-OPArsenal, Senior Correspondent, The North Pacific Satwire
December 13, 2005
WASHINGTON D.C. - President Bush continued to draw fire today from enraged Christian extremists who see him as the latest enemy combatant in the rapidly escalating War on Christmas.
The president touched off the firefight by sending out a White House communication emblazoned with the incendiary terminology: "Best wishes for a holiday season of hope and happiness."
Bush claimed he received faulty intelligence from his Christmas card team and failed to realize the mere mention of "Happy Holidays" is enough to send some of his biggest supporters into a yuletide rage. Many critics regard the card as a slap in the face of Jesus himself.
Meanwhile, the airwaves are abuzz with the inane debate over whether America is "taking the Christ out of Christmas."
Sources say Bush is working with the Pentagon to draft a new card carrying the preferred wording: "Merry Birth Anniversary of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior who died on the cross for our sins so that we may ascend to the Kingdom of Heaven."
As critics blasted the card for being too "politically correct," a White House insider noted that at least one other version did feature Jesus but was nixed for being too "anatomically correct."
"Karl Rove joked that we should go with 'Peace on Earth'," said the senior official, who asked to remain anonymous for fear that Dick Cheney would strangle him and bury his lifeless body in an undisclosed location.
The Homeland Security Department cautioned citizens that uttering the words "Happy Holidays" may put them at heightened risk of attack by Christian extremists.
In a related story, a Texas man reportedly shot a Mexican for wishing him "Feliz Navidad."
Sources say the president is planning a damage-control press conference later today to wish everyone a "Merry Christmas, especially all our friends in the Muslim world."
-OPArsenal, Senior Correspondent, The North Pacific Satwire
