The Security Council,
Alarmed at the deceitful habits formed by
Lancaster of Wessex (concisely, LoW) over the course of 20 long years of oppression, quietly covering up the connection between themselves and certain satellite states with carefully crafted propaganda,
Highlighting the outright villainous misinformation spread by LoW through their eight reports, actively infiltrating the decision making bodies of countless nations, by:
- planting phony reports of customer dissatisfaction in an effort to entice public officials to live out their childhood dreams of going incognito in a department store, leaving them stuck between repetitive retail rants (such as Are We Being Served?) and exasperated employees, while Lancastrian spies sow the seeds for future misdeeds behind their backs,
- carefully positioning nicotine-addicted white-collar workers, truant teens and senior citizens along national leaders' daily commute in an attempt to tip the moral scales in countless countries, with Lancastrian agents discreetly placed to guilt trip presidents into pro-smoking policies, tempt heads of state into buying absurd quantities of high-end tobacco products, or land Smokers Cornered, all with the end of filling LoW's own coffers,
- implicating Dàguó in a counterfeit alcohol-peddling scheme, throwing major wine producers into chaos and inveigling some to adopt needless and self-sabotaging regulatory schemes or open up the market, just to be able to fill some Champagne In The Glass, allowing Lancastrian wines to infiltrate countless economies in yet another scheme to leave foreigners dependent on Lancastrian vices,
Distressed to learn that, all the while, LoW has drawn attention away from their misdeeds and malice by scapegoating figurehead “THE MOST GLORIOUS LEADER IN THE HISTORY OF HISTORIES” for any atrocities or psychotic crimes committed within the notorious dictatorial regime of
Menta Lee-IL (MLI for short),
Frightened that MLI has sustained defense forces and corruption classifications that had at one point eclipsed all other nations, rankings that were held even well past their dormancy around four and a half years ago and still remain within the top-10, brutally repressing their hopeless citizens whilst subjugating any dissenters into submission,
Horrified by the treatment of the World Assembly by MLI’s shadow government, in which they reacted extremely positively to the condemnation of their very own region (SC#305) by the so-called “SCUMBAG WA”, subsequently initiating name calling and threats of “ANNIHILATION FOR TREASON”, in hindsight an obvious Lancastrian ploy to redirect attention,
Shocked that LoW has, at many times, attempted to hoodwink other nations by repeatedly denying the connection between themselves and MLI, as well as instituting amicable policies on LoW merely as an intent to clean up and improve their image, only later being forced to admit the truth after suspicion grew to the point where the deception became untenable,
Appalled to note further examples of Lancastrian duplicity waged in the meantime, including:
- the induction of Payday Groans across countless nations as Lancastrian agents convinced unsuspecting leaders and free-market advocates of the value of payday loan outlets, allowing for the continuance of predatory financial practices preying on the poor all, of course, to enrich none other than LoW,
- the manipulation of other countries into treading down the same dark road LoW lies at the end of, employing bootlicking lackeys with promises of future attention to quietly suggest that leaders start thinking about Who's In Your Wallet, resulting in the increasingly-well-documented phenomena of leaders quickly going from putting their face on currency to putting it on propagandic posters on every sidewalk, and
- the insertion of long-term sleepers into countless Minister of Ethics positions, who inform and evaluate the moral susceptibility of a nation (a method LoW refers to as Keep Me Appraised), as well as literally by making boatloads off of counterfeit Lancastrian art and subsequently defending the practice to chiefs of state everywhere,
Terrified at two additional operations carried out by Lancastrian executives for personal amusement, where they nastily enforced school uniforms without regard for personal expenses (
School’s In, Cash is Out!), and purposely spread additional allergens among populaces (
Scents and Sensibility),
Troubled by the sheer tyranny employed by LoW upon thousands of nations, whether that be manifested through their squalid schemes or with the influence of their ruthless governments, to an extent that requires a condemnation,
Concluding that with this in mind, the only true “DESTROYER OF DEMOCRACY, FREEDOM, HUMAN RIGHTS, PEACE!!!” will finally meet their ironic fate, and so
Hereby Condemns Lancaster of Wessex.
