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The Security Council,
Appalled that Her Infinite Terribleness, Queen of Gnomes, Keeper of the UNmentionable Records, the Wrathful Secretary-General Catherine Gratwick has haunted the hallowed halls of this esteemed organ since antiquity as the supposed one true Secretary-General holding a lifetime appointment, despite the complete lack of evidence on her appointment in the first place, and elections for the post for the last two terms of office, thus making her status as Secretary-General of anything highly dubious at best and a complete usurper at worst;
Shocked that Secretary-General Gratwick received the gift of immortality and youth from mysterious forces beyond the comprehension of the multiverse, allowing her to appear in the shape and age of every sapient species, and her ability to time travel giving her (allegedly) a sheer malignant and capricious role in every conceivable atrocious crime against humanity, such as wars, famines, pandemics, the serial comma, and Christmas songs in November;
Perturbed that Secretary-General Gratwick’s time travel ability lets her (and her ancestors, including Elizabeth Gratwick) permeate every aspect of the government of member nations (as well as that of millions of non-members), in such areas as acting as the occasional menacing leader of neighboring nations, contributing to cancer research, women’s suffrage, driving trucks mounted with grenade launchers firing at anyone who trespasses on her vast holdings of properties, selling miracle diets, winning national dance offs, as well as gaining worldwide renown as a best-selling author, celebrated model, film star, pageant aficionado, and painter of trains, among a wide variety of other prominent roles;
Terrified that the "colossal fireball of extra-dimensional inanity" described that destroyed previous incarnations of certain organs for global power was (again, allegedly) the concoction of none other than Secretary-General Gratwick herself, who sought to gain power over the entire multiverse no matter what the cost;
Dismayed that Secretary-General Gratwick has apparently been on paid leave since time immemorial (notwithstanding her giant colossus as one of the Seven Wonders of the World), and is somehow still on the payroll despite the presence of democratically-elected leaders such as Caelapes, Kuriko, and The Salaxalans, thus succeeding in drawing away vast treasures from this prestigious organ into her bank vaults without doing any actual work, nor having any work for starters given that the Secretary-General (was) a post with absolutely no powers, a nightmare to the citizens of member nations but a euphoric dream for the ministers, ambassadors, diplomats, and assorted hangers-on of this revered organ;
Pleading to the Secretary-General Gratwick in the firm believe the Security Council (and its neighbor) suffer from such atrocious and decadent behavior as to merit another bigger fireball of extra-dimensional inanity to be launched against them, in order to provide the sweet release required by many of the ambassadors to this esteemed organ;
Hereby declares either the member nations’ undying loyalty and fealty, and/or dreadful contempt and vile hatred of Catherine Gratwick.
Appalled that Her Infinite Terribleness, Queen of Gnomes, Keeper of the UNmentionable Records, the Wrathful Secretary-General Catherine Gratwick has haunted the hallowed halls of this esteemed organ since antiquity as the supposed one true Secretary-General holding a lifetime appointment, despite the complete lack of evidence on her appointment in the first place, and elections for the post for the last two terms of office, thus making her status as Secretary-General of anything highly dubious at best and a complete usurper at worst;
Shocked that Secretary-General Gratwick received the gift of immortality and youth from mysterious forces beyond the comprehension of the multiverse, allowing her to appear in the shape and age of every sapient species, and her ability to time travel giving her (allegedly) a sheer malignant and capricious role in every conceivable atrocious crime against humanity, such as wars, famines, pandemics, the serial comma, and Christmas songs in November;
Perturbed that Secretary-General Gratwick’s time travel ability lets her (and her ancestors, including Elizabeth Gratwick) permeate every aspect of the government of member nations (as well as that of millions of non-members), in such areas as acting as the occasional menacing leader of neighboring nations, contributing to cancer research, women’s suffrage, driving trucks mounted with grenade launchers firing at anyone who trespasses on her vast holdings of properties, selling miracle diets, winning national dance offs, as well as gaining worldwide renown as a best-selling author, celebrated model, film star, pageant aficionado, and painter of trains, among a wide variety of other prominent roles;
Terrified that the "colossal fireball of extra-dimensional inanity" described that destroyed previous incarnations of certain organs for global power was (again, allegedly) the concoction of none other than Secretary-General Gratwick herself, who sought to gain power over the entire multiverse no matter what the cost;
Dismayed that Secretary-General Gratwick has apparently been on paid leave since time immemorial (notwithstanding her giant colossus as one of the Seven Wonders of the World), and is somehow still on the payroll despite the presence of democratically-elected leaders such as Caelapes, Kuriko, and The Salaxalans, thus succeeding in drawing away vast treasures from this prestigious organ into her bank vaults without doing any actual work, nor having any work for starters given that the Secretary-General (was) a post with absolutely no powers, a nightmare to the citizens of member nations but a euphoric dream for the ministers, ambassadors, diplomats, and assorted hangers-on of this revered organ;
Pleading to the Secretary-General Gratwick in the firm believe the Security Council (and its neighbor) suffer from such atrocious and decadent behavior as to merit another bigger fireball of extra-dimensional inanity to be launched against them, in order to provide the sweet release required by many of the ambassadors to this esteemed organ;
Hereby declares either the member nations’ undying loyalty and fealty, and/or dreadful contempt and vile hatred of Catherine Gratwick.