Lesson 5: Experiencing Sadness, a continuation of the series "Balancing Emotions"

[Kanpekina Shima]

We've already talked about fear and anger, now let's talk about another common emotion - sadness. I can help you better understand what’s going on when we feel scared, and make it less scary. What does sadness feel like for you? Next time you feel sad, try to pay attention to what you're feeling - is there a feeling of emptiness? or maybe physical pain? It's good to be aware of that. Not everyone feels it in their body, but if you pay attention, you might notice it more. You may feel heavy or feel like there’s a lump in your throat. Some feel pain in the chest, which is probably where the term “heartache” comes from. It's tough to go through days when you're feeling sad, but sadness can actually be useful with one important thing. Sadness can tell you what’s really important to you. For example, if you feel sad after a friend rejected you, it means that you really valued that friendship, and that you should look for other friendships that you could value. Sadness may also indicate that you need to slow down, and take some time to accept a loss. Think of the last time you felt sad - what did you sadness try to tell you? As with any difficult emotion, it’s good to notice and accept feelings of sadness, and not to suppress them. Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it. Say you suppress your emotions in front of a friend, because you want them to believe you’re strong. But by doing so you might not get emotional support that you may have received if only they knew you were sad. Does that make sense? Try paying attention to your how your body feels when you feel sad and don't be afraid to be vulnerable and show your sadness to your close ones — it's not a weakness, it's a strength!

 

[Janus]

I'll simply add that I feel that expressing sadness, or sorrow, is indeed indicative of a form of strength. I cry unashamedly in public when warranted. Almost invariably in gratitude and appreciation of beauty.

I was raised quite differently: you don't cry. At all. Not a parental teaching. A man thing.

It's taken a lifetime for me to learn that particular lesson. To weap.

But, yes, keeping it to intimates and family is a good choice.