Lesson 1: 'Noticing Emotions', a lesson from the University of Flügel

[Kanpekina Shima]

Welcome to class, students. Today’s first lesson will be about Noticing Emotions, or feelings. Let me ask you first, do you feel like you’re in touch with your own emotions? If yes, good! Even if we’re good at noticing emotions, we often struggle to tell when we feel a little emotion versus a lot of emotion. Are you good at that? It’s really important that you do that: when we don’t notice or push down emotions (even ones that don’t seem intense) we can get ourselves into trouble. For example, you might think you shouldn’t be angry at little things. So you would go through a day with tons of annoying things happening to you and suppress all of your anger and push it down. Eventually, you’ll stop noticing when you’re a little angry. But then… then something happens - it could be something small, and you would have an angry blow up! All of that from a lot of small things ramping up. It’s actually pretty common… have you ever hurt someone you love by blowing up because of something small? Don’t worry, we all do it from time to time… and that’s why it’s always very important to notice emotions that aren’t so intense before they build up. So, do you tend to hide your emotions from others? Everyone does - and sometimes it’s even necessary. But in general hiding your emotions is bad for relationships. Why? The thing is, your emotions tell other people how you’re feeling. So when you hide your emotions, it can backfire. Does that make sense? Another example, say a friend has done something small that upset you - like was late to meet you. You hide your emotions - your friend doesn’t learn that her actions have upset you. Now she’ll probably do it again and these small things can build up into resentment. Emotions are REALLY useful because they let people know how we feel and what we need! Sometimes we need to regulate our emotions, but in close relationships, it’s always best to be honest about them. So, emotions can also motivate us to take action, and tell us about our own needs. Now, to the next part: How an emotion starts. On one hand, we get an emotion in response to something that happens to us. But then our interpretations and thoughts about the world - not actual situations - can also trigger emotions. Example: Have you ever had a friend not call you back, when they said they would? So, imagine the situation. After your friend doesn’t return the phone call. You might think something like, “they don’t want to talk to me anymore”. Which would probably make you sad - even though your friend possibly forgot to call you back. This is why you shouldn’t jump to conclusions in your mind: our thoughts and interpretations can sometimes trigger strong and unnecessary emotions. Ask yourself - is it an actual fact or just a story I tell myself?


I’m glad we got to talk about emotions and how important it is to notice them, not suppress them and make sure they’re based on a fact and not your interpretation. Class dismissed.