Telegram 1: Welcoming Telegram Re-drafting

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mcmasterdonia

mcmasterdonia

Just like a queef in the wind, so is life
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TNP Nation
McMasterdonia
Current Telegram:
Greetings %NATION%,


Congratulations on joining NationStates! This is a diverse and exciting game, and I sincerely hope you enjoy it as much as I have over the past several years.


Your NationStates experience will depend strongly on the region you choose to have your nation in. Allow me then to welcome you to our region - The North Pacific.


The North Pacific is the largest, one of the oldest, and one of the most powerful regions in NationStates. We pride ourselves on our strong democracy, openness, and transparency. Our new residents have the opportunity to join in and get involved as soon as they choose to, and are provided with the resources to become among the most influential nations in the world. Simply put, our region is the place to be in NationStates, and you can click here to find out why you should also be in The North Pacific.


You will shortly begin to receive recruitment telegrams from other regions. You can compare what each region has to offer and decide which one suits your nation best. I hope that you choose to stay in The North Pacific, and if you do, here are some highlights of how you can get involved:
  • Become a legislator in the Regional Assembly.
  • Join the government by signing up for the Executive Staff.
  • Learn about exciting military gameplay by enlisting in the North Pacific Army.
  • Join our map and roleplay your nation in our in-character world of Eras.
  • Vote and run for delegate and other offices.

... And the list goes on! If you are interested in learning more about these and other opportunities available to you in The North Pacific, you can check out our regional handbook (also available at the bottom of this telegram). And if you are ready to jump in, you can do so by joining our regional forum: http://forum.thenorthpacific.org


I also strongly encourage you to join the World Assembly, which is one of the best ways to improve your game experience and increase your nation's power. This is more true in The North Pacific than in any other region - it is no coincidence that we have way more World Assembly nations than any of them. You can click the previous link for more details about why and how to join the World Assembly.


If you do choose to join, please consider endorsing your Delegate @@DELEGATE_NATION@@ (this is me!), and Vice Delegate @@VICE_DELEGATE_NATION@@. By doing so, you help keep our region secure and stable, and help increase its influence in the world. Thanks in advance, and we will be sure to endorse you back!


Whichever region you decide to make your home - and I will be delighted if that is The North Pacific - I wish you the best of luck in it. While deciding, treat yourself to some of our famous rum (comes in cocktails too!). If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me, either by responding to this telegram, or on the regional forum.


Best regards,

@@DELEGATE_NATION@@.


P.S. If you find the torrent of recruitment telegrams distracting, you can easily turn it off. First, go to your telegram preferences. From there, you can change your settings for Recruitment to Block All, or any other setting you prefer.


https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=851343
Click to expand...

Feedback:

  • The telegram needs modified to highlight ALL of our RP opportunities, not just Eras.
  • I don't even remember it :p
  • It’s an interestingly friendly telegram, that makes me feel welcomed, and I believe may have been one of the reasons I have remained here throughout my nation’s lifetime, and even relocated my previous and alt nations here.
  • The welcoming telegram is wordy and long. When people first join they are overwhelmed with new information and they are not likely to read it all. The NBS videos on Nation States should be prominent in the telegram. Getting people involved and interested in NS over the long term will bring them into the region and KEEP them. Eliminate the post script.

Additionally:

- I would like to see the use of spoilers so that new nations can choose what they read don't read.
- Consider linking to more updated dispatches/forum threads
- We are not eliminating the post script, that would be daft.
 
I'd like to see included the Cards Guild (obviously I was going to suggest this :P )

I definitely think including more links would be helpful through the message. Especially for citizenship!
 
Greetings %NATION%,


Congratulations on joining NationStates! This is a diverse and exciting game, and I sincerely hope you enjoy it as much as I have over the past several years. Your NationStates experience will depend strongly on the region you choose to have your nation in. Allow me then to welcome you to our region - The North Pacific.


The North Pacific is the largest, one of the oldest, and one of the most powerful regions in NationStates. We pride ourselves on our strong democracy, openness, and transparency. Our new residents have the opportunity to join in and get involved as soon as they choose to, and are provided with the resources to become among the most influential nations in the world. Simply put, our region is the place to be in NationStates, and you can click here to find out why you should also be in The North Pacific.


You will shortly begin to receive recruitment telegrams from other regions. You can compare what each region has to offer and decide which one suits your nation best. I hope that you choose to stay in The North Pacific, and if you do, here are some highlights of how you can get involved:
Become a legislator in the Regional Assembly.
Join the government by signing up for the Executive Staff.
Learn about exciting military gameplay by enlisting in the North Pacific Army.
Join our map and roleplay your nation in our in-character world of Eras.
Join our non Eras role-play where you can pour out the world builder in you by making everything from future dystopias to history reimagined.
Vote and run for delegate and other offices.
Listen to original programming at our NBS radio. Yes, we have our radio!!
Become a professor or student at the North Pacific University.

... And much more! If you are interested in learning more about these and other opportunities available to you in The North Pacific, you can check out our regional handbook (also available at the bottom of this telegram). And if you are ready to jump in, you can do so by joining our regional forum: http://forum.thenorthpacific.org


I also strongly encourage you to join the World Assembly, which is one of the best ways to improve your game experience and increase your nation's power. This is more true in The North Pacific than in any other region - it is no coincidence that we have way more World Assembly nations than any of them.


If you do choose to join, please consider endorsing your Delegate @@DELEGATE_NATION@@ (this is me!), and Vice Delegate @@VICE_DELEGATE_NATION@@. By doing so, you help keep our region secure and stable, and help increase its influence in the world. Thanks in advance, and we will be sure to endorse you back!

I hope you will stay in The North Pacific and make the strongest and most helpful community in NationStates even beter :). If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me, either by responding to this telegram, or on the regional forum.


Best regards,

@@DELEGATE_NATION@@.


P.S. If you find the torrent of recruitment telegrams distracting, you can easily turn it off. First, go to your telegram preferences. From there, you can change your settings for Recruitment to Block All, or any other setting you prefer.

https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=851343
 
I think we should add the TNP handbook and the WADP dispatch, like TSP does. Also this is kind of a wall of text talking about a big load of stuff that is unrelated to the “political simulator” that most people come for.
 
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