Northwest Slk.

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Northwest, Selskap

Sender: Johan Olafsson
Recipient: All Staff
Subject: E-mail

Good morning, staff. Hello.

Some of you may have been hearing rumors for the past several months about a new "Electronic Mail" system that Northwest Limited installed in their offices. I am happy to announce that our trial run of this "software" in the Gojannesstad branch office has been very successful, and corporate has decided to roll it out to our branch.

You have all been provided with an e-mail account, which you can use to instantly send messages to other employees. Simply type their name in the Recipient field, and add a Subject Line for good corporate citizenship! If you see "RE:" at the beginning of a subject line in an Electronic Mail you receive, it stands for "Reply" and means someone has replied to an earlier message.

If you need to send an Electronic Mail to everyone in a specific department, simply type in that department's name. For example, "Legal" or "Human Resources". You can also send a message to "All Staff", which will include everyone in this office. You may also send mail to multiple people or departments by separating them with a semi-colon. Like so: "Sally Friendman; Legal".

Due to technical limitations of the chosen software, the e-mail system is only set up to send Electronic Mail to people in this office. You cannot send messages through it to any of our other offices at this time. If you need to speak to someone in another office urgently, our "Facsimile Machine" is on the Basement-2 and is now free to use for all staff members.

I hope you will take a liking to this new "software". Please take a moment to read the attached manual for the e-mail, and send any questions, concerns, or comments to our IT department.

Thanks,
Johan Olafsson
Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-189-8896
 
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: Tripledesk

You don't think the others would have a problem with Tripledesk, would they? It's my command central; surveillance computer in the center, gaming on the left, business on the right.

Hopeful,
Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
Sender: Johan Olafsson
Recipient: Erik Janning
Subject: Re: Tripledesk

Northwest, Slk. is a professional institution. While tripledesk is nice, gaming has no place in our halls besides the mandatory fun days. Why not make it a "doubledesk"?

Thanks,
Johan Olafsson
Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-189-8896
 
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: RE: RE: Tripledesk

But...oh, alright. Karl from Accounting keeps complaining to me for his desk back anyway.

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: Fire Drill

I'd like to hold a training exercise for our emergency fire preparedness. That alright with you?

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
Sender: Johan Olafsson
Recipient: Erik Janning
Subject: Re: Fire Drill

Yes.

Thanks,
Johan Olafsson
Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-189-8896
 
After the "drill"...
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: RE: RE: Fire Drill

I think if we've learned one thing, it's that people do not pay attention to the fire safety meetings...

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
Message:
Sender: Gražvydas Sereika
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: Vomit

I had to clean up some employee's vomit during the fire. I think we should educate the employees to vomit in the trash cans along with fire safety.

Gražvydas Sereika
Custodian/Janitor for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-550-8220
Click to expand...
 
message:
Sender: Johan Olafson
Recipient: Gražvydas Sereika
Subject: RE: Vomit

Yes, thank you. I will get my assistant to deal with it.

Thanks,
Johan Olafsson
Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-189-8896
Click to expand...
Message:
Sender: Gražvydas Sereika; Johan Olafson
Recipient: Erik Janning
Subject: FWD: Vomit

Forwarded:
Sender: Gražvydas Sereika
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: Vomit

I had to clean up some employee's vomit during the fire. I think we should educate the employees to vomit in the trash cans along with fire safety.

Gražvydas Sereika
Custodian/Janitor for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-550-8220
Click to expand...

Can you believe this guy?!?!? Start teaching our staff bud... You went to Imperial for a reason.

Thanks,
Johan Olafsson
Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-189-8896
Click to expand...
 
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: RE: FWD: Vomit

The repeated fire safety presentations obviously didn't work. You up for something more...creative?

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
Message:
Sender: Joakim Sjaalver
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: Mail Room

Stop getting mail, please. There's too much mail in the mail room. There's just mail all over the place. When you assigned me to the mail room, I didn't think I'd have to deal with mail, and I'm quite upset I have to deal with mail. The mail is overpowering me, I have no control over all of this mail. Please reassign me from the mail room, I've gotten so many paper cuts.

Please,
Joakim Sjaalver
Disgruntled Mail Room Employee for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-189-8896
Click to expand...
 
Message:
Sender: Gražvydas Sereika
Recipient: All Employees
Subject: Vomit

Please remember to not vomit on the floor. It would make my job a lot easier if people weren't vomiting on the floor. Thank you.

Gražvydas Sereika
Custodian/Janitor for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-550-8220
Click to expand...
 
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Gražvydas Sereika
Subject: RE: Vomit

This is why people should pay attention when I talk about fire safety...

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
Sender: Johan Olafsson
Recipient: Joakim Sjaalver
Subject: RE: Mail Room

I can hire you a partner.


Thanks,
Johan Olafsson
Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-189-8896
 
Sender: Johan Olafsson
Recipient: Erik Janning
Subject: RE: RE: FWD: Vomit

Please don't make me have to call the insurance company afterwards.

Thanks,
Johan Olafsson
Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-189-8896
 
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: RE: RE: RE: FWD: Vomit

Oh no. Not this time. To mold fire safety into the minds of the staff we must manipulate it into them. Let's make a video- something with pop, zing, and pizzazz that they'll remember. Then we show it to them. I'm thinking we could make a rap.

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
message:
Sender: Annika Mínervudóttir
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: RE: E-mail

What decade are we in? Can only send e-mail to within this physical location? Really? Give me and my team a chance and we'll bring this office into the 21st century, 2nd decade.

Annika Mínervudóttir
Application Hosting Administrator
Northwest, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-670-6688
Click to expand...
 
Syrixia:
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: RE: RE: RE: FWD: Vomit

Oh no. Not this time. To mold fire safety into the minds of the staff we must manipulate it into them. Let's make a video- something with pop, zing, and pizzazz that they'll remember. Then we show it to them. I'm thinking we could make a rap.

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Sender: Johan Olafsson
Recipient: Erik Janning
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: Vomit

Rap is the music of Ninhundish people. We do not descend to such low standards at Northwest, Slk..

Thanks,
Johan Olafsson
Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-189-8896

Sil Dorsett:
message:
Sender: Annika Mínervudóttir
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: RE: E-mail

What decade are we in? Can only send e-mail to within this physical location? Really? Give me and my team a chance and we'll bring this office into the 21st century, 2nd decade.

Annika Mínervudóttir
Application Hosting Administrator
Northwest, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-670-6688
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Sender: Johan Olafsson
Recipient: Erik Janning
Subject: RE: RE: E-mail

I paid a lot of money to install this. Be grateful or else.

Thanks,
Johan Olafsson
Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-189-8896
 
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: Vomit

Well, what ideas do you have, then? It should be some sort of musical...thing.

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
Syrixia:
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: Vomit

Well, what ideas do you have, then? It should be some sort of musical...thing.

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Sender: Johan Olafsson
Recipient: Erik Janning
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: Vomit

How about a yodel?

Thanks,
Johan Olafsson
Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-189-8896
 
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: Vomit

Luckily, I'm Vallish, so that'll be easy. :lol: You want to be part of it?

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: All Staff
Subject: Warehouse Raves

I've received word that one of us is hosting weekly raves in the company warehouse after dark, and at different points in each successive week. This is a clear violation of company policy. If any of you is behind these unsolicited raves, please come forward privately to me in an email.

If no one confesses within two business days, I will be interviewing each employee myself and looking over the results with Johan and our HR team. I am hoping to find whoever committed this heinous deed, and I am praying that I find this heinous culprit. I will pray to Thor himself.

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
message:
Sender: Filip Johansson
Recipient: Erik Janning
Subject: RE: Warehouse Raves

My yodel-trap rades are none of your concern, and if you report me to managment, I'll tell them about your little 'incident' in the break room.

You've made the wrong enemy.

Filip Johansson
Junior Deputy to the Secretary of the Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-198-0280
Click to expand...
 
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Filip Johansson
Subject: RE: RE: Warehouse Raves

I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, effete, soft-penised debutante. If you want to start a street fight with me, bring it on, but you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. I doubt you even know what happened, so don't try me. I'm the freaking lizard king.

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: Blackmail

I found the culprit. It's Filip. Trouble is, we need to keep that on the downlow and figure out what to do next. He knows about the breakroom incident. I don't know how but he knows and he's going full blackmail.

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
Sender: Johan Olafsson
Recipient: Erik Janning
Subject: RE: Blackmail

Is that why all of my jaktmester went missing, Erik?

Johan Olafsson
Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-189-8896
 
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Johan Olafsson
Subject: RE: RE: Blackmail

...No...? Still, though...what do we do?

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
message:
Sender: Filip Johansson
Recipient: Erik Janning
Subject: Re: RE: RE: Warehouse Raves

Considering it has been thirty days and no disciplinary actions have been incurred, I suppose your little plot against me didn't work. Sad, really.

You know, if you weren't such a borkjensurg, I might have invited you to my yodel-trap (TrodelTM) raves. You could probably use a party. You're always so stressed, and it totes kills the vibe.

Filip Johansson
Junior Deputy to the Secretary of the Deputy Vice Assistant to the Assistant Office Manager and Custodian Supreme for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
o: 775-198-0280
Click to expand...
 
Message:
Sender: Erik Janning
Recipient: Filip Johansson
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Warehouse Raves

Red tape cannot stop the Jannmeister. Sleep very, very tight.

Erik Janning
Assistant Office Manager for NW, Slk., Dagenfjord
Proud Holder of Doubledesk
o: 775-670-8220
Click to expand...
 
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