Dear SillyString, I have a friend whom I am attempting to help, but that friend has a great deal of pride and thus can't take my advice at face value. Should I keep trying regardless of this complication, or am I imposing and need to back off?
- CrazyConflicted
Conflicted, this is definitely a common problem. Those suffering from an excess of pride lose the capacity for critical self-analysis and honest reflection, and even the most gentle suggestions can be twisted into cruel barbs. The only cure for this condition is to drain off the excess pride, eliminating your friend's suffering.
Surely you are familiar with the practice of using leeches for bloodletting, a treatment found to be effective for everything from demon possession to the common cold. While you might try using leeches against pride, as well, the more efficacious solution can be derived from that common adage, "Pride goeth before a fall."
Yes, to cure your friend's unhealthy pridefulness, what you must do is literally trip them, from a height that correlates to just how overburdened with pride they have become. You can calculate the necessary height using the following formula:
Tripping height = [(excess of pride)-(height in centimeters)]/[(closeness of friendship)+(how many times in the past year you've been a jerk to them)]
One thing you absolutely must not forget, of course, is obtaining a proper receptacle to collect the pride you are liberating from your friend. Loose pride is very dangerous, after all - it gets into nearly anything, much like cats, and it's strongly attracted to concentrations of dramons, subatomic particles generated by interpersonal conflict. The best sort of receptacle is airtight and opaque. Once you have found a suitable container, remember to place it away from the direction of the fall, as the very act of tripping will generate dramons that will attract the free pride.
Once you have collected all of the pride and sealed the container tightly, contact your local waste management service for disposal instructions. Should you be unable to reach them, simply drop them off at the dump with your next stash of highly toxic used batteries.
I hope this advice helps you! Please write back and let us know how it goes, preferably with pictures that demonstrate the height of your friend's fall.
Seriously Silly,
SillyString
- CrazyConflicted
Conflicted, this is definitely a common problem. Those suffering from an excess of pride lose the capacity for critical self-analysis and honest reflection, and even the most gentle suggestions can be twisted into cruel barbs. The only cure for this condition is to drain off the excess pride, eliminating your friend's suffering.
Surely you are familiar with the practice of using leeches for bloodletting, a treatment found to be effective for everything from demon possession to the common cold. While you might try using leeches against pride, as well, the more efficacious solution can be derived from that common adage, "Pride goeth before a fall."
Yes, to cure your friend's unhealthy pridefulness, what you must do is literally trip them, from a height that correlates to just how overburdened with pride they have become. You can calculate the necessary height using the following formula:
Tripping height = [(excess of pride)-(height in centimeters)]/[(closeness of friendship)+(how many times in the past year you've been a jerk to them)]
One thing you absolutely must not forget, of course, is obtaining a proper receptacle to collect the pride you are liberating from your friend. Loose pride is very dangerous, after all - it gets into nearly anything, much like cats, and it's strongly attracted to concentrations of dramons, subatomic particles generated by interpersonal conflict. The best sort of receptacle is airtight and opaque. Once you have found a suitable container, remember to place it away from the direction of the fall, as the very act of tripping will generate dramons that will attract the free pride.
Once you have collected all of the pride and sealed the container tightly, contact your local waste management service for disposal instructions. Should you be unable to reach them, simply drop them off at the dump with your next stash of highly toxic used batteries.
I hope this advice helps you! Please write back and let us know how it goes, preferably with pictures that demonstrate the height of your friend's fall.
Seriously Silly,
SillyString
