[Draft] Taijitu-TNP Treaty

mcmasterdonia

Just like a queef in the wind, so is life
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TNP Nation
McMasterdonia
The Taijitu-North Pacific Alliance
A treaty renewing the alliance between Taijitu and the North Pacific.

Preamble
Aware of the long and special relationship between Taijitu and the North Pacific, the two regions’ shared commitment to freedom, liberty, and democracy, and the kindred ties between them, the Regional Assembly of the North Pacific and the Ecclesia of the Citizens’ Democracy of Taijitu formalize this alliance of mutual defense and cooperation.

Section One - Establishment
1. The signatories will recognize the constitutional governments in force at the time of ratification of this treaty as the sole legitimate governments of their respective regions.
2. The signatories agree to maintain both on- and off-site embassies with each other.
3. The signatories agree to penalize willful violation of the other party’s rules for RMB posts on that party’s RMB should the other party allow embassy RMB posts.

Section Two - Security
1. If the sovereignty of either party is threatened, the other will respond with the consent of the aggrieved party. They will assist in coordination with the aggrieved party and in proportion to the grievance.
2. The signatories will collaborate militarily on request, according to established laws or policies.
3. Participation by the signatories on opposite sides of a military engagement that does not constitute an attack on either signatory's home region shall not be considered "military hostilities against one another" for this purpose.
4. The signatories will not in any way, direct or indirect, initiate or participate in espionage, subterfuge, or other clandestine operations against one another. For this purpose, a "clandestine operation" is one or more persons acting under false pretenses in one signatory's home region or regional forum, without that signatory's knowledge, and at the direction of the other signatory
5. The signatories will share any intelligence relevant to the defense of the other party. If this intelligence relates to the North Pacific, it shall be provided to the Security Council of the North Pacific. If this intelligence relates to Taijitu, it shall be provided to the Citizen-Delegate or Citizen-Initiator of Taijitu.

Section Three - Cultural Cooperation
1. The signatories will endeavor to organize cultural events on the regional off-site forums or regional message board of one or the other party, with the goal of mutually enriching both communities.

Section Four - Amendment and Dissolution
1. This treaty may be amended by mutual consent through the normal ratification processes of the two signatories.
2. Either party shall give a week’s notice prior to withdrawing from the treaty.
3. Either party shall exhaust all reasonable diplomatic options before withdrawing from the treaty.
 
This is a draft of a renewed treaty with Taijitu. Please note that I am not yet happy with it. But I welcome your input and suggested amendments.
 
5. The signatories will share any intelligence relevant to the defense of the other party. If this intelligence relates to the North Pacific, it shall be provided to the Security Council of the North Pacific. If this intelligence relates to Taijitu, it shall be provided to the Citizen-Delegate or Citizen-Initiator of Taijitu.
 
mcmasterdonia:
1. The signatories will recognize the constitutional governments in force at the time of ratification of this treaty as the sole legitimate governments of their respective regions.
Same concern as with TSP's rewrite.
 
The Taijitu-North Pacific Alliance
A treaty renewing the alliance between Taijitu and the North Pacific.

Preamble
Aware of the long and special relationship between Taijitu and the North Pacific, the two regions’ shared commitment to freedom, liberty, and democracy, and the kindred ties between them, the Regional Assembly of the North Pacific and the Ecclesia of the Citizens’ Democracy of Taijitu formalize this alliance of mutual defense and cooperation.
Several issues here:
1) We usually enter treaties as the "Region of The North Pacific". Are we changing this? If we are going for a more generic designation, I would suggest either just "The North Pacific" or the "Government of The North Pacific".
2) Also, this looks like there are two preambles, "a treaty renewing..." and the one actually titled as a preamble. I would remove the former and scrap the "Preamble" title.
3) Finally, the term "special relationship" is odd. In RL, it's used to refer to the US-UK alliance. I don't think it fits the context here.
4) There's plenty of redundancy in the preamble, for instance between "long and special relationship" and "kindred ties", as well as in the repetition of the regional names.
5) There has to be a definition of who the "signatories" are. This is usually included in the preamble.

Here is a suggestion:

We, the Ecclesia of the Citizens’ Democracy of Taijitu and the [something] of The North Pacific, hereafter jointly referred to as “the signatories”, Aware of the long and kindred ties between our two regions and our shared commitment to freedom, liberty, and democracy, reaffirm our partnership by formalizing this treaty and agreeing to adhere to all of the commitments set forth therein.

Section One - Establishment and Recognition
1. The signatories recognize one another as the sole, legitimate, and sovereign governments of their respective NationStates regions.
2. The signatories will maintain in-game embassies (i.e., on the NationStates site) and off-site embassies (i.e., on their respective regional forums) with one another.
3. The signatories agree to will penalize willful violation by their nations of the other party’s rules for RMB posts on that party ’s RMB one another's rules for RMB posts, should the other party signatory allow embassy RMB posts.
I've made minor edits in-line. 1 and 2 are edited to agree with our previous treaties. Note that Asta has issues with 1. In 2, I think the definition of the two kinds of embassies is important.

Section Two - Security
1. If the sovereignty of either party is threatened, the other will respond with the consent of the aggrieved party. They will assist in coordination with the aggrieved party and in proportion to the grievance.
The "sovereignty" is a very general concept. If a program like Brave Little Toaster is run against Tai, do we need to "assist" them? The wording from our other treaties is straightfoward and avoids such ambiguities:

1. The signatories will provide one another military assistance in case of a military attack, either internal or external, targeting the other signatory's home region, to the best of their ability, and at the request of the other signatory.

2. The signatories will collaborate militarily on request, according to established laws or policies.
I don't understand what this means. It reads as if we have to collaborate every time the other signatory requests it. If it's meant as just a discretionary clause encouraging collaboration, I would remove it - we generally avoid such clauses.

3. Participation by the signatories on opposite sides of a military engagement that does not constitute an attack on either signatory's home region shall not be considered "military hostilities against one another" for this purpose.
Looks like this clause got partially cut off. It should read:

3. The signatories will not engage in any military hostilities against one another. Participation by the signatories on opposite sides of a military engagement that does not constitute an attack on either signatory's home region shall not be considered "military hostilities against one another" for this purpose.

4. The signatories will not in any way, direct or indirect, initiate or participate in espionage, subterfuge, or other clandestine operations against one another. For this purpose, a "clandestine operation" is one or more persons acting under false pretenses in one signatory's home region or regional forum, without that signatory's knowledge, and at the direction of the other signatory
All good here.

5. The signatories will share any intelligence relevant to the defense of the other party. If this intelligence relates to the North Pacific, it shall be provided to the Security Council of the North Pacific. If this intelligence relates to Taijitu, it shall be provided to the Citizen-Delegate or Citizen-Initiator of Taijitu.
Why does all intelligence for our defense go directly to the SC? Also, we usually include provisions for violations of ToS or internal laws in this clause. We had spent a considerable amount of time fine-tuning the wording of this clause in our treaties with TEP and TSP, I'd suggest copying from there:

5. The signatories will provide to their counterpart's Delegate any intelligence related to the other signatory's in-game or off-site security, unless the signatory in possession of such intelligence reasonably believes that doing so would violate applicable laws, or violate the terms of service for NationStates or said signatory's forum provider, or unduly compromise said signatory's sources of information. If this intelligence relates to actions of The North Pacific's Delegate, then it will be provided to the Security Council for The North Pacific.

Section Three - Cultural Cooperation
1. The signatories will endeavor to organize cultural events on the regional off-site forums or regional message board of one or the other party,
This seems to unnecessarily limit cultural events to forums. How about this:

1. The signatories will endeavor to organize cultural events with the goal of mutually enriching both of their respective communities.

Section Four - Amendment and Dissolution
1. This treaty may be amended by mutual consent through the normal ratification processes of the two signatories.
2. Either party shall give a week’s notice prior to withdrawing from the treaty.
3. Either party shall exhaust all reasonable diplomatic options before withdrawing from the treaty.
A few comments:
-Do we need 1? It seems redundant. I would remove it.
-We need an enactment clause.
-We need a clause repealing our previous treaty.
-Clauses 2 and 3 must be made endeavor clauses, as otherwise they arguably contradict our legislative process.

I suggest the following:

Section Four - Ratification and Dissolution
1. This treaty shall come into effect upon its ratification by the duly authorized individuals or bodies of both the signatories.
2. Upon ratification, this treaty shall be the sole treaty between the signatories, superseding any prior written documents describing a relationship between the signatories.
3. Either signatory shall endeavor to give a week's notice in the aforementioned embassies before withdrawing from this treaty
4. The signatories shall endeavor all reasonable efforts to seek a diplomatic solution before withdrawing from the treaty.



Here is my edited version, compiling together all of the above suggestions.
The Taijitu-North Pacific Alliance

We, the Ecclesia of the Citizens’ Democracy of Taijitu and the [something] of The North Pacific, hereafter jointly referred to as “the signatories”, Aware of the long and kindred ties between our two regions and our shared commitment to freedom, liberty, and democracy, reaffirm our partnership by formalizing this treaty and agreeing to adhere to all of the commitments set forth therein.

Section One - Establishment
1. The signatories recognize one another as the sole, legitimate, and sovereign governments of their respective NationStates regions.
2. The signatories will maintain in-game embassies (i.e., on the NationStates site) and off-site embassies (i.e., on their respective regional forums) with one another.
3. The signatories will penalize willful violation by their nations of one another's rules for RMB posts, should the other signatory allow embassy RMB posts.

Section Two - Security
1. The signatories will provide one another military assistance in case of a military attack, either internal or external, targeting the other signatory's home region, to the best of their ability, and at the request of the other signatory.
2. The signatories will not engage in any military hostilities against one another. Participation by the signatories on opposite sides of a military engagement that does not constitute an attack on either signatory's home region shall not be considered "military hostilities against one another" for this purpose.
3. The signatories will not in any way, direct or indirect, initiate or participate in espionage, subterfuge, or other clandestine operations against one another. For this purpose, a "clandestine operation" is one or more persons acting under false pretenses in one signatory's home region or regional forum, without that signatory's knowledge, and at the direction of the other signatory.
4. The signatories will provide to their counterpart's Delegate any intelligence related to the other signatory's in-game or off-site security, unless the signatory in possession of such intelligence reasonably believes that doing so would violate applicable laws, or violate the terms of service for NationStates or said signatory's forum provider, or unduly compromise said signatory's sources of information. If this intelligence relates to actions of The North Pacific's Delegate, then it will be provided to the Security Council for The North Pacific.

Section Three - Cultural Cooperation
1. The signatories will endeavor to organize cultural events with the goal of mutually enriching both of their respective communities.

Section Four - Ratification and Dissolution
1. This treaty shall come into effect upon its ratification by the duly authorized individuals or bodies of both the signatories.
2. Upon ratification, this treaty shall be the sole treaty between the signatories, superseding any prior written documents describing a relationship between the signatories.
3. Either signatory shall endeavor to give a week's notice in the aforementioned embassies before withdrawing from this treaty
4. The signatories shall endeavor all reasonable efforts to seek a diplomatic solution before withdrawing from the treaty.
 
I have even bigger issues with r3n's edit to 1 than with the original, because under his wording the treaty is defunct next time the government changes hands.
 
SillyString:
I have even bigger issues with r3n's edit to 1 than with the original, because under his wording the treaty is defunct next time the government changes hands.

Alright.

I'm keen to move this forward with unanimity. Suggested amendment?
 
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