TNP-TEP Treaty

r3naissanc3r

r3naissanc3r

TNPer
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First draft:
The Regional Assembly of The North Pacific ratified on May 19th the North-East Pacific Security Treaty, by a vote of [FINALVOTECOUNT]. The treaty, originally signed by Delegates mcmasterdonia and Bachtendekuppen for The North and East Pacific respectively, creates a close bilateral alliance, including provisions for non-aggression, mutual defense, and military, diplomatic, and intelligence cooperation. The full text of the treaty is available [FINALLINK].

The alliance stems from strong communications between the governments of the two regions, especially during the terms of Delegate Bachtendekuppen. It builds on the basis of their their shared commitment to the defense of sovereignty of feeder regions and promotion of peaceful relations between them. These two principles, which have jointly been dubbed “feeder unity” in the past, are key tenets of both regions' broad foreign policy, and are emphasized in the new treaty's preamble.

For The North Pacific, the new treaty brings a valuable military ally. The East Pacific Sovereign Army (EPSA), a well-trained and powerful force, is unique among allied militaries for their regular engagement and expertise in defending operations. The importance of this diversification in the North Pacific Army's (NPA) military partners is better understood when viewed in the context of the NPA's goal for maintaining operational capability under both offensive and defensive conditions. Towards achieving this goal, new Delegate of The North Pacific r3naissanc3r announced that the NPA will be focusing on frequent and diverse training exercises organized jointly with allied militaries. Joint exercises with the EPSA are expected to feature prominently in the operational schedule.

For The East Pacific, the new treaty is the first in a series of diplomatic agreements with other Game-Created Regions: in addition to The North Pacific, The East Pacific's Magisterium is currently discussing bilateral alliances with the New Pacific Order and the Osiris Fraternal Order, while negotiations with The South Pacific have also been mentioned. The new treaties are the result of a foreign policy of active outward expansion that has been pursued by Delegate Bachtendekuppen and his government. This policy has received increased emphasis after the Defender Act debacle, as the region is seeking to reaffirm its neutral diplomatic alignment, and its position in favor of a military that can act independently of raider and defender doctrines and in connection with broader broader political and diplomatic objectives.

The North-East Pacific Security Treaty is currently under vote in The East Pacific's Magisterium, where it is expected to be ratified by a wide margin. In the meantime, the NPA and EPSA have already initiated military cooperation, with a successful occupation of Warzone Asia and attempted liberation operations. The two governments are also discussing diplomatic cooperation on matters of topical interest.
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My apologies for the delayed submission. A few quick comments:

1) The first draft stands at 452 words. It should be easy to bring it down to 400, but I prefer to leave the final round of shortening for after editing.
2) There are two placeholders for the final count of the RA vote and the link to the treaty. The closing may also need to be edited depending on when the first issue of TNL is released.
3) I am not sure about whether the "attempted liberation operations" should be mentioned in the closing of the article. There has been only one and it was unsuccessful, which is why I do not go into details. But given the content of the previous paragraphs, I wanted to bring up that some libs have actually been attempted.
4) I am not sure what the submission policy for article titles is. I tend to align with those saying that an article is incomplete until it has a title. But I am following the pattern of the other submissions, which appear to be title-less.
 
Sorry for not keeping track of my edits. I imagine you'll be able to spot the differences relatively easily.
The Regional Assembly of The North Pacific ratified on May 19th the North-East Pacific Security Treaty, by a vote of [FINALVOTECOUNT]. The treaty, originally signed by Delegates mcmasterdonia and Bachtendekuppen for The North and East Pacific respectively, creates a close bilateral alliance, including provisions for non-aggression, mutual defense, intelligence sharing, and military and diplomatic cooperation. The full text of the treaty is available [FINALLINK].

The alliance stems from strong communications between the governments of the two regions, especially during the terms of Delegate Bachtendekuppen. It builds on the basis of their their shared commitment to the defense of sovereignty of feeder regions and promotion of peaceful relations between them. These two principles, which have jointly been dubbed “feeder unity” in the past, are key tenets of both regions' broad foreign policy.

For The North Pacific, the new treaty brings a valuable military ally. The East Pacific Sovereign Army (EPSA) is unique among allied militaries for their regular engagement and expertise in defending operations. Towards achieving the goal of the North Pacific Army to maintain operational capability under both offensive and defensive conditions, new Delegate of The North Pacific r3naissanc3r announced that the NPA will be focusing on frequent and diverse training exercises organized jointly with allied militaries. Joint exercises with the EPSA are expected to feature prominently in the operational schedule.

For The East Pacific, the new treaty is the first in a series with other Game-Created Regions: in addition to The North Pacific, The East Pacific's Magisterium is currently discussing bilateral alliances with the New Pacific Order and the Osiris Fraternal Order, while negotiations with The South Pacific have also been mentioned. The new treaties are the result of a foreign policy of active outward expansion that has been pursued by Delegate Bachtendekuppen and his government. This policy has received increased emphasis after controversy over the Defender Act, as the region is seeking to reaffirm its neutral diplomatic alignment, and its position in favor of a military that can act independently of raider and defender doctrines.

The North-East Pacific Security Treaty is currently at vote in The East Pacific's Magisterium, where it is expected to be ratified by a wide margin. In the meantime, the NPA and EPSA have already initiated military cooperation, with a successful occupation of Warzone Asia and attempted liberation operations. The two governments are also discussing diplomatic cooperation on matters of topical interest.
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Responses:
1) Edited word count is 398
2) Go ahead and insert those place holders when ready.
3) Yeah, I like it how it is. I don't see a need to remove that.
4) In the tradition of the American press, headlines are left to the editing staff, and reporters just focus on the body of the article. Staff writers can provide a suggested headline if they wish, but it's not required. As the publisher, a headline on your article would not be considered a suggestion :P
 
More editing:

This May saw the ratification of The North-East Pacific Security Treaty by the Regional Assembly of The North Pacific and the Magisterium of The East Pacific. The treaty, originally signed by Delegates mcmasterdonia and Bachtendekuppen for The North and East Pacific respectively, creates a close bilateral alliance, including provisions for non-aggression, mutual defense, intelligence sharing, and military and diplomatic cooperation. The full text of the treaty is available here.

The alliance stems from strong communications between the governments of the two regions, especially during the terms of Delegate Bachtendekuppen. It builds on the basis of their their shared commitment to the defense of sovereignty of feeder regions and promotion of peaceful relations between them. These two principles, which have jointly been dubbed "feeder unity" in the past, are key tenets of both regions' foreign policy.

For The East Pacific, the new treaty is the first in a series with other Game-Created Regions: in addition to The North Pacific, The East Pacific's Magisterium is currently discussing bilateral alliances with the New Pacific Order and the Osiris Fraternal Order. The new treaties are the result of a foreign policy of active outward expansion that has been pursued by Delegate Bachtendekuppen and his government. This policy has received increased emphasis after the controversy relating to the Defender Act in February. Since then, the region has been seeking to reaffirm its neutral diplomatic alignment, and its position in favor of an army that can act outside military doctrines and in connection with broader diplomatic objectives.

For The North Pacific, the new treaty brings a valuable military ally. The East Pacific Sovereign Army (EPSA) is unique among allied militaries for its regular engagement and expertise in defending operations. This diversification in the North Pacific Army's (NPA) military partners will be critical for the achievement of the NPA's goal for operational capability under both offensive and defensive conditions.

Towards this goal, new Delegate of The North Pacific r3naissanc3r announced that the NPA will be focusing on frequent and diverse training exercises organized jointly with allied militaries. The NPA and EPSA have already initiated military cooperation, with a successful occupation of Warzone Asia and attempted liberation operations. Joint exercises with the EPSA are expected to continue to feature prominently in the operational schedule.
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I am trying to come up with a diplomatically more prudent term in place of the phrase in red, as TEP are very sensitive to the terms "neutral", "independent", "centrist", and of course "raider" and "defender". Other than that:

1) I rearranged stuff to reflect the fact that the Magisterium ratified the treaty yesterday, and as necessary to make the edited article flow better
2) I removed a sentence about diplomatic cooperation on topical matters (not happening), and the mention of TEP-TSP treaty (uncertain status).
3) I brought back the quote "[operate] in connection with broader diplomatic objectives", because it is important in its context.
 
This May saw the ratification of The North-East Pacific Security Treaty by the Regional Assembly of The North Pacific and the Magisterium of The East Pacific. The treaty, originally signed by Delegates mcmasterdonia and Bachtendekuppen for TNP and TEP respectively, creates a close bilateral alliance, including provisions for non-aggression, mutual defense, intelligence sharing, and military and diplomatic cooperation. The full text of the treaty is available here.

The alliance stems from strong communications between the governments of the two regions, especially during the terms of Delegate Bachtendekuppen. It builds on the basis of their their shared commitment to the defense of sovereignty of feeder regions and promotion of peaceful relations between them. These two principles, which have jointly been dubbed "feeder unity" in the past, are key tenets of both regions' foreign policy.

For TEP, the new treaty is the first in a series with other Game-Created Regions: in addition to TNP, TEP's Magisterium is currently discussing bilateral alliances with the New Pacific Order and the Osiris Fraternal Order. The new treaties are the result of a foreign policy of active outward expansion that has been pursued by Delegate Bachtendekuppen and his government. This policy has received increased emphasis after the controversy relating to the Defender Act in February. Since then, the region has been seeking to reaffirm its diplomatic non-alignment, and its position in favor of an army that can act outside military doctrines and in connection with broader diplomatic objectives.

For The North Pacific, the new treaty brings a valuable military ally. The East Pacific Sovereign Army (EPSA) is unique among allied militaries for its regular engagement and expertise in defending operations. This diversification in the North Pacific Army's (NPA) military partners will be critical for the achievement of the NPA's goal for operational capability under both offensive and defensive conditions.

Towards this goal, new Delegate of TNP r3naissanc3r announced that the NPA will be focusing on frequent and diverse training exercises organized jointly with allied militaries. The NPA and EPSA have already initiated military cooperation, with a successful occupation of Warzone Asia and attempted liberation operations. Joint exercises with the EPSA are expected to continue to feature prominently in the operational schedule.
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