NPN bill

SillyString

SillyString

TNPer
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First Draft:
For as long as The North Pacific has had a military force, that force has been the North Pacific Army. Founded while the region was officially defender-aligned, and one of the strongest regional armies of the Alliance Defense Network during its membership therein, the NPA is a widely respected institution both within TNP and abroad.

In late April, Alunya, a relatively new member of the Regional Assembly, proposed a bill that would change the name of the military from the North Pacific Army to the North Pacific Navy. They explained their desire to correct what they perceived as a thematic mismatch, citing the region's maritime name and land-based military. Alunya also pointed out that their bill does not change the policies and procedures of our military forces," but would be solely cosmetic.

The reaction to this proposal from other members of the Regional Assembly has been a mixture of support and opposition, most of it relatively laid-back. Former Vice Delegate Democatic Donkeys called the proposal "sensible and in line with what our region is," while Kiwi, a former Minister of Defense, said that they didn't support the change in nomenclature but thanked Alunya for making the suggestion. Other comments have focused on whether this change would necessitate altering the military's internal ranks and titles.

For some of TNP's ten-year veteran members, however, the issue is much weightier than a simple name change. Recalling the glory days of the NPA and TNP's prominence as a military power, their reactions to this proposal have been more passionate than most - but just as varied in sentiment. Grosseschnauzer, the longest standing RA member, came out in fierce opposition to the measure, calling the proposal a "disrespectful insult to TNP history" and demanding that the region's traditions be respected. Flemingovia disagreed, saying that such a change would free the new NPN to "build its own tradition and make a clean break from what the NPA stood for in the past." He went on to say, "Things evolve and change. In taxonomy there is a recognition that sometimes organisms evolve to the point where a new nomenclature is warranted. I think the North Pacific Army has evolved (or devolved) to the point where a new nomenclature would actually be useful and warranted. This is not to insult what has gone before. It is to respect our history." Romanoffia, currently serving as Chief Justice, sided with Grosseschnauzer on the issue. He called the suggested name change a "feel-good measure" that would produce “no meaningful increase in efficiency or function,” and decried what he saw as efforts to promote change for its own sake.

The level of vitriol expressed over a name might surprise those who are unfamiliar with TNP, but the exchange between these members provoked almost no response from others in the RA - and no broader discussion whatsoever about the merits of their opinions. The bill proceeded to vote in a timely fashion, and after a very close vote, was defeated 16-19.
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Wordcount: 505.

Edit away!
 
SillyString:
For as long as The North Pacific has had a military force, that force has been the North Pacific Army. Founded while the region was officially defender-aligned, and one of the strongest regional armies of the Alliance Defense Network during its membership therein, the NPA is a widely respected institution both within TNP and abroad.

In late April, Alunya, a relatively new member of the Regional Assembly, proposed a bill that would change the name of the military from the North Pacific Army to the North Pacific Navy. They explained their desire to correct what they perceived as a thematic mismatch, citing the region's maritime name and land-based military. Alunya also pointed out that their bill "does not change the policies and procedures of our military forces," but would be solely cosmetic.

The reaction to this proposal from other members of the Regional Assembly has been a mixture of support and opposition, most of it relatively laid-back. Former Vice Delegate Democatic Donkeys called the proposal "sensible and in line with what our region is," while Kiwi, a former Minister of Defense, said that they didn't support the change in nomenclature but thanked Alunya for making the suggestion. Other comments have focused on whether this change would necessitate altering the military's internal ranks and titles.

For some of TNP's ten-year veteran members, however, the issue is much weightier than a simple name change. Recalling the glory days of the NPA and TNP's prominence as a military power, their reactions to this proposal have been more passionate, than most - but just as varied in sentiment. Grosseschnauzer, the longest standing RA member, came out in fierce opposition to the measure, calling the proposal it a "disrespectful insult to TNP history" and demanding that the region's traditions be respected. Flemingovia disagreed, saying that such a change would free the new NPN to "build its own tradition and make a clean break from what the NPA stood for in the past." He went on to say, "Things evolve and change. In taxonomy there is a recognition that sometimes organisms evolve to the point where a new nomenclature is warranted. ... I think the North Pacific Army has evolved (or devolved) to the point where a new nomenclature would actually be useful and warranted. This is not to insult what has gone before. It is to respect our history." Romanoffia, currently serving as Chief Justice, sided with Grosseschnauzer on the issue. He called the suggested name change a "feel-good measure" that would produce "no meaningful increase in efficiency or function." and decried what he saw as efforts to promote change for its own sake.

The level of vitriol expressed over a name might surprise those who are unfamiliar with TNP, but the exchange between these members provoked almost no response from others in the RA - and no broader discussion whatsoever about the merits of their opinions. The bill proceeded to vote in a timely fashion, and after a very close vote, was defeated 16-19.
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Would this be an acceptable version? I cut 74 words and added one, reducing the word count to 432, within a reasonable distance of the allowed maximum.
 
Minor quibble, I'd rather have "Recalling the glory days of the NPA and TNP's prominence as a military power, their reactions to this proposal have been just as varied in sentiment, but far more passionate."

I also kind of prefer the longer version of flem's quote, since it sets up a nice contrast with Grosse's comments (new tradition/old tradition). But I'm willing for it to be cut down at editorial discretion.
 
Here's the article as it stands:
SillyString:
For as long as The North Pacific has had a military force, that force has been the North Pacific Army. Founded while the region was officially defender-aligned, the NPA is a widely respected institution both within TNP and abroad.

In late April, Alunya, a relatively new member of the Regional Assembly, proposed a bill that would change the name of the military to the North Pacific Navy. They explained their desire to correct a thematic mismatch, citing the region's maritime name and land-based military. Alunya also pointed out that their bill "does not change the policies and procedures of our military forces," but would be solely cosmetic.

The reaction to this proposal has been a mixture of support and opposition, most of it relatively laid-back. Former Vice Delegate Democatic Donkeys called the proposal "sensible and in line with what our region is," while Kiwi, a former Minister of Defense, said that they didn't support the change in nomenclature but thanked Alunya for making the suggestion. Other comments have focused on whether this change would necessitate altering the military's internal ranks and titles.

For some of TNP's ten-year veteran members, however, the issue is much weightier than a simple name change. Recalling the glory days of the NPA and TNP's prominence as a military power, their reactions to this proposal have been just as varied in sentiment, but far more passionate. Grosseschnauzer, the longest standing RA member, came out in fierce opposition to the measure, calling it a "disrespectful insult to TNP history" and demanding that the region's traditions be respected. Flemingovia disagreed, saying that such a change would free the new NPN to "build its own tradition and make a clean break from what the NPA stood for in the past." He went on to say, "I think the North Pacific Army has evolved (or devolved) to the point where a new nomenclature would actually be useful and warranted. This is not to insult what has gone before. It is to respect our history." Romanoffia, currently serving as Chief Justice, sided with Grosseschnauzer on the issue. He called the suggested name change a "feel-good measure" that would produce "no meaningful increase in efficiency or function."

The level of vitriol expressed over a name might surprise those who are unfamiliar with TNP, but the exchange between these members provoked almost no response from others in the RA - and no broader discussion whatsoever about the merits of their opinions. The bill proceeded to vote in a timely fashion, and after a very close vote, was defeated 16-19.
Click to expand...

I found a few more cuts. Let me know what you think:
For as long as The North Pacific has had a military force, that force has been the North Pacific Army. Founded while the region was officially defender-aligned, the NPA is a widely respected institution both within TNP and abroad.

In late April, Alunya, a relatively new member of the Regional Assembly, proposed a bill that would change the name of the military to the North Pacific Navy. They explained their desire to correct a thematic mismatch, citing the region's maritime name and land-based military. Alunya also pointed out that their bill "does not change the policies and procedures of our military forces," but would be solely cosmetic.

The reaction to this proposal has been a mixture of support and opposition, most of it relatively laid-back. Former Vice Delegate Democatic Donkeys called the proposal "sensible and in line with what our region is," while Kiwi, a former Minister of Defense, said that they didn't support the change in nomenclature but thanked Alunya for making the suggestion. Other comments have focused on whether this change would necessitate altering the military's internal ranks and titles.

For some of TNP's ten-year veteran members, however, the issue is much weightier than a simple name change. Recalling the glory days of the NPA and TNP's prominence as a military power, their reactions to this proposal have been just as varied in sentiment, but far more passionate. Grosseschnauzer, the longest standing RA member, came out in fierce opposition to the measure, calling it a "disrespectful insult to TNP history" and demanding that the region's traditions be respected. Flemingovia disagreed, saying that such a change would free the new NPN to "build its own tradition and make a clean break from what the NPA stood for in the past." He went on to say, "I think the North Pacific Army has evolved (or devolved) to the point where a new nomenclature would actually be useful and warranted. This is not to insult what has gone before. It is to respect our history." Romanoffia, currently serving as Chief Justice, sided with Grosseschnauzer on the issue. He called the suggested name change a "feel-good measure" that would produce "no meaningful increase in efficiency or function."

The level of vitriol expressed over a name might surprise those who are unfamiliar with TNP, but the exchange between these members provoked almost no response from others in the RA - and no broader discussion whatsoever about the merits of their opinions. The bill proceeded to vote in a timely fashion, and after a very close vote, was defeated 16-19.
Click to expand...
 
Glorious!

Now we sneak this by the delegate, right? You go distract him with some delicious coffee, I'll be over here setting the type in our printing presses.
 
Final draft?
For as long as The North Pacific has had a military force, that force has been the North Pacific Army. Founded while the region was officially defender-aligned, the NPA is a widely respected institution both within TNP and abroad.

In late April, Alunya, a relatively new member of the Regional Assembly, proposed a bill that would change the name of the military to the North Pacific Navy. They explained their desire to correct a thematic mismatch, citing the region's maritime name and land-based military. Alunya also pointed out that their bill "does not change the policies and procedures of our military forces," but would be solely cosmetic.

The reaction to this proposal has been a mixture of support and opposition, most of it relatively laid-back. Former Vice Delegate Democatic Donkeys called the proposal "sensible and in line with what our region is," while Kiwi, a former Minister of Defense, said that they didn't support the change in nomenclature but thanked Alunya for making the suggestion.

For some of TNP's ten-year veteran members, however, the issue is much weightier. Recalling the glory days of the NPA and TNP's prominence as a military power, their reactions to this proposal have been just as varied in sentiment, but far more passionate. Grosseschnauzer, the longest standing RA member, came out in fierce opposition to the measure, calling it a "disrespectful insult to TNP history" and demanding that the region's traditions be respected. Flemingovia disagreed, saying that such a change would free the new NPN to "build its own tradition and make a clean break from what the NPA stood for in the past." He went on to say, "I think the North Pacific Army has evolved (or devolved) to the point where a new nomenclature would actually be useful and warranted. This is not to insult what has gone before. It is to respect our history." Romanoffia, currently serving as Chief Justice, sided with Grosseschnauzer on the issue. He called the suggested name change a "feel-good measure" that would produce "no meaningful increase in efficiency or function."

The level of vitriol expressed over a name might surprise those who are unfamiliar with TNP, but the exchange between these members provoked almost no response from others in the RA - and no broader discussion whatsoever about the merits of their opinions. The bill proceeded to vote in a timely fashion, and was ultimately defeated 16-19.
Click to expand...
 
For as long as The North Pacific has had a military force, that force has been the North Pacific Army. Founded while the region was officially defender-aligned, the NPA is a widely respected institution both within TNP and abroad.

In late April, Alunya, a relatively new member of the Regional Assembly, proposed a bill that would change the name of the military to the North Pacific Navy. He explained his desire to correct a thematic mismatch, citing the region's maritime name and land-based military. Alunya also pointed out that his bill "does not change the policies and procedures of our military forces," but would be solely cosmetic.

The reaction to this proposal has been a mixture of support and opposition, most of it relatively laid-back. Former Vice Delegate Democatic Donkeys called the proposal "sensible and in line with what our region is," while Kiwi, a former Minister of Defense, said that he didn't support the change in nomenclature but thanked Alunya for making the suggestion.

For some of TNP's ten-year veteran members, however, the issue is much weightier. Recalling the glory days of the NPA and TNP's prominence as a military power, their reactions to this proposal have been just as varied in sentiment, but far more passionate. Grosseschnauzer, the longest standing RA member, came out in fierce opposition to the measure, calling it a "disrespectful insult to TNP history" and demanding that the region's traditions be respected. Flemingovia disagreed, saying that such a change would free the new NPN to "build its own tradition and make a clean break from what the NPA stood for in the past." He went on to say, "I think the North Pacific Army has evolved (or devolved) to the point where a new nomenclature would actually be useful and warranted. This is not to insult what has gone before. It is to respect our history." Romanoffia, currently serving as Chief Justice, sided with Grosseschnauzer on the issue. He called the suggested name change a "feel-good measure" that would produce "no meaningful increase in efficiency or function."

The level of vitriol expressed over a name might surprise those who are unfamiliar with TNP, but the exchange between these members provoked almost no response from others in the RA - and no broader discussion whatsoever about the merits of their opinions. The bill proceeded to vote in a timely fashion, and was ultimately defeated 16-21.
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I edited the gender of some previously gender-neutral pronouns (Alunya is male, and so is Kiwi.)

I imagine that Flem's comments will be quoted by our usual detractors. Approved nonetheless.
 
Complaint: Non-gendered third person singular pronoun referencing Alunya was changed to masculine in r3n's draft, and feminine in the posted version. Please revert to original form.
 
I'm sorry about that - if I had remembered at the time how you felt about gendered pronouns I wouldn't have approved that change without discussing it with you. I regret that it's too late to do anything about this issue, as it's already being distributed.

The editors will discuss this and come up with a policy for future issues of TNL.
 
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