Fiqh court hearing: Haor Chall vs McM

Hail Flemingovia, the one, true God. We beseech thee to provide Justice for our people.

We ask the great merciful FlemGod, through his Holy Ones, to rule upon our complaint against McMasterdonia.

For his soldiers of the NPA travelled through our lands, without our permission, and verily did they cause much disturbance to my peaceful and faithful subjects. These heathen soldiers killed 3 goats and caused damage to two fences.

I seek justice for my people, and their goats, we want McMasterdonia to be punished appropriately for the lost livestock and damage his men caused to our country.


Hail Flemingovia, keeper of the light and bringer of justice!

Hail Flemingovia, the one, true God.

I refute these claims made by Haor Chall, that the NPA soldiers moved through his land disturbing the peace, hurting his goats or damaging his fences.

My Lord Flemingovia, the NPA and myself were working towards spreading the light of flemingovianism to other regions and nations. It was the infidels of the cheesists that caused this terrible devastation of which Haor Chall speaks.

Myself, and the NPA ever your servants were pursuing these vile heretics when we stumbled across the widespread devastation HC describes. I implore you to not punish the honourable, flemingovian fearing servants of the church. Punish the infidels who have slaughtered goats and destroyed fences in the name of their heretic and false god!

Hail Flemingovia!

The Cheese God would never pass judgment. The Cheese God will not tolerate intolerance.

the One True God will personally pass judgement on this case. Do Haor Chall and mcMasterdonia agree to abide by the result?

We have come here in faith, Lord Flemingovia, of course we will abide by the result!


Provided that the terms are agreeable

Once Haor Chall agrees to abide by the judgement of the Fiqh, then He and McM may present any further evidence they have not covered in the original post. Then judgement will be given.

We shall of course abide by the enlighted judgement of the Fiqh.

then please present any further evidence you have before judgement is declared

Flemingovia steps over the sleeping form of the Attorney general to deliver his judgement:

“Other courts deal soley with blame. But the Fiqh court is also concerned to alleviate suffering and loss. Both Haor Chall and McMasterdonia have suffered much. Haor Chall has perhaps suffered most; his goats and fences have been destroyed and his people disturbed.

McMasterdonia has suffered damage to his reputation. His soldiers claim to have been mistaken for followers of the cheese god, who are slightly crumbly and smell of Roquefort.

My judgement is this: Haor Chall is awarded seven years of good harvests to replace generously what he has lost. His goats shall increase, the loins of his women shall be fertile, his fence posts shall be stiff and upright and strong. In gratitude for this, Haor Chall shall display “Flemingovia is the one true God” in his signature for one day.

McMasterdonia shall contemplate the greatness of Flemingovia, so that he may better spread the light to the heathen. McMasterdonia shall take a vow of silence and shall make no posts on the forum for twelve hours from the posting of this judgement. This is not punishment: it is a blessing so that he may grow in the light of his God.

I have thought long and hard about how to punish the cheese followers, who are at the heart of this. In the end I have decided that they already suffer enough. For whenever one of them passes a stranger, the stranger sniffs the air and says to his neighbour “is it me, or does that bloke smell of smegma?”

My judgement is delivered. Go in the Peace of Flemingovia.

Hail Flemingovia!

Thank you for your most benevolent ruling.

Flem Akbar! Flem Akbar!

*Flemingovian Jihadist decapitates innocent bystander eating a grilled cheese sandwich*

Hail Flemingovia, blessed be his Divine Justice!