Romanoffia
Garde à l'eau!
Chapter I
1. And it came to pass that Flemingovia God wanted to enforce his will over the people of The North Pacific.
2. And Flemingovia, who claimed to be Omnipotent, Omniscient and the One True God filed a complaint before The Great Giver of The Law Grosseschnauzer in an attempt to exterminate all competing religions. (The Flem God Goes Off The Rails)
3. And the Cheese God said unto his earthly representative Romanoffia, "Woe unto the Flemingovia Deity who, claiming Omnipotence, must resort to the earthly courts to enforce his Omnipotence, which, were he indeed the One and Only True God, he would not have to do."
4. And Romanoffia spake, "The Flemingovia Deity is indeed a false God for he has proven so by having to resort to the earthly courts to enforce his omnipotence and desire to forcibly convert or exterminate those who refuse to worship him!" (The Cheese God Speaks Through Romanoffia)
5. And The Cheese God spake this: "The Flemingovia God has clearly transgressed against the boundaries of Good Taste and Private Property. He hath loosed his hoards of Bicyclists upon the peoples of the world and has made his Bicyclists to ride over the flower beds of the people, their cats, dogs and small children in an effort to forcibly convert them."
6. And the The Flemingovian Bicyclists number Four:
7. I watched as the Flem God lifted the lid of the the first of the seven crappers. Then I heard one of the four bicyclists say in a voice like malfunctioning bathroom plumbing, "Come and see!" I looked, and there before me was a white bicycle! Its rider held a whip, and he was given a crown of phlegm, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest. The first rider was called "Jihad" and he rode a white bicycle. He was sent out to ride rough shod over non-Flem believers.
8. When the Flem God opened the second crapper lid, I heard the second bicyclist say, "Come and see!" Then another bicycle rider came out on a fiery red bicycle. Its rider was given power to take cheese from the earth and to make men slay and other wise annoy each other. To him was given a large role of toilet paper upon which was written many inane and nuisance complaints designed to annoy , The Great Giver of The Law Grosseschnauzer.
9. When the Flem God opened the third crapper lid, I heard the third bicyclist say, "Come and see!" I looked, and there before me was a black bicycle! Its rider was holding a pair of turds in his hand. Then I heard what sounded like a voice among the four bicyclists, saying, "A quart of rum for a day's wages, and three quarts of sewerage for a day's wages, and do not damage the porcelain bowl and the toilet paper!" And upon the lid of the third crapper was written, "I am the Flem God, A False God, Worship me or I will file inane complaints against you for the sake of irritating The Great Giver of the Law Grosseschnauzer!"
10. When the Flem God opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth bicyclists say, "Come and see!" I looked and there before me was a pale bicycle! Its rider was named Stupidity, and Hell was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by , stupidity, inanity and vein repetitions, and by the filing of nuisance complaints with the intent of annoying Grosseschnauzer The Great Giver of The Law.
11. And then the Flem God opened the last five crapper lids and up sprung more inane complaints and irritations designed to befuddle Grosseschnauzer The Great Giver of The Law.
12. And the Cheese God did a face-palm and laughed.
1. And it came to pass that Flemingovia God wanted to enforce his will over the people of The North Pacific.
2. And Flemingovia, who claimed to be Omnipotent, Omniscient and the One True God filed a complaint before The Great Giver of The Law Grosseschnauzer in an attempt to exterminate all competing religions. (The Flem God Goes Off The Rails)
3. And the Cheese God said unto his earthly representative Romanoffia, "Woe unto the Flemingovia Deity who, claiming Omnipotence, must resort to the earthly courts to enforce his Omnipotence, which, were he indeed the One and Only True God, he would not have to do."
4. And Romanoffia spake, "The Flemingovia Deity is indeed a false God for he has proven so by having to resort to the earthly courts to enforce his omnipotence and desire to forcibly convert or exterminate those who refuse to worship him!" (The Cheese God Speaks Through Romanoffia)
5. And The Cheese God spake this: "The Flemingovia God has clearly transgressed against the boundaries of Good Taste and Private Property. He hath loosed his hoards of Bicyclists upon the peoples of the world and has made his Bicyclists to ride over the flower beds of the people, their cats, dogs and small children in an effort to forcibly convert them."
6. And the The Flemingovian Bicyclists number Four:
7. I watched as the Flem God lifted the lid of the the first of the seven crappers. Then I heard one of the four bicyclists say in a voice like malfunctioning bathroom plumbing, "Come and see!" I looked, and there before me was a white bicycle! Its rider held a whip, and he was given a crown of phlegm, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest. The first rider was called "Jihad" and he rode a white bicycle. He was sent out to ride rough shod over non-Flem believers.
8. When the Flem God opened the second crapper lid, I heard the second bicyclist say, "Come and see!" Then another bicycle rider came out on a fiery red bicycle. Its rider was given power to take cheese from the earth and to make men slay and other wise annoy each other. To him was given a large role of toilet paper upon which was written many inane and nuisance complaints designed to annoy , The Great Giver of The Law Grosseschnauzer.
9. When the Flem God opened the third crapper lid, I heard the third bicyclist say, "Come and see!" I looked, and there before me was a black bicycle! Its rider was holding a pair of turds in his hand. Then I heard what sounded like a voice among the four bicyclists, saying, "A quart of rum for a day's wages, and three quarts of sewerage for a day's wages, and do not damage the porcelain bowl and the toilet paper!" And upon the lid of the third crapper was written, "I am the Flem God, A False God, Worship me or I will file inane complaints against you for the sake of irritating The Great Giver of the Law Grosseschnauzer!"
10. When the Flem God opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth bicyclists say, "Come and see!" I looked and there before me was a pale bicycle! Its rider was named Stupidity, and Hell was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by , stupidity, inanity and vein repetitions, and by the filing of nuisance complaints with the intent of annoying Grosseschnauzer The Great Giver of The Law.
11. And then the Flem God opened the last five crapper lids and up sprung more inane complaints and irritations designed to befuddle Grosseschnauzer The Great Giver of The Law.
12. And the Cheese God did a face-palm and laughed.
