Gulliver for Speaker

Gulliver

Gulliver

TNPer
"But wait Gulliver!" you're all surely thinking reading this. "Aren't you running unopposed?" Wrong. I do have an opponent, one whose name you're all familiar with. Abstain.

He's got name recognition going for him, sure, and can look pretty up there on the stage, but did you know that Abstain hasn't articulated a single policy proposal in the entirety of his political career, much less made any promises during this campaign? In fact, I'm not sure the man has ever spoken, he could very well be a mute for all we know! Can the North Pacific afford the risk of letting a complete unknown run one of its most vital institutions? I say not a chance!

I on the other hand have a platform bursting with shamelessly politically manipulative and unrealistic promises for your consideration. If you elect me, I will:
  • See to it that current proposals for necessary reforms make it to a vote;
  • Establish Lojban as the sole language in which the laws are written so they are free of ambiguity;
  • Establish procedures for the smooth reconciliation of competing reform proposals;
  • Require that all new polls be preceded by a poll on whether to open the poll, including polls on whether to open polls;
  • Alert all Assembly members to votes by private message, and warn those who are in danger of losing their membership;
  • Replace voting requirements with checks for participation in biweekly votes to recall the delegate;
  • Whenever possible, find ways to shorten and clarify the Assembly's procedures;
  • Establish "??? ?????? ????????? ????????!" as the official motto of the Assembly;
  • Abuse our lack of a secret ballot to shower my supporters with extravagant political patronage, such as alcohol, ponies, kittens, and cushier jobs in the salt mines after the Taijituan invasion greasy foodstuffs.
So please, good people of the North Pacific, give me your vote. Together, we can defeat Abstain once and for all!

I will now be taking questions.

Paid for by the Committee for Involuntarily Imported Regime Alternatives.
 
Require that all new polls be preceded by a poll on whether to open the poll, including polls on whether to open polls;
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If I may be so bold, that is a marvelous idea and you show real initiative on your part for coming up with such a radical policy.

He's got name recognition going for him, sure, and can look pretty up there on the stage, but did you know that Abstain hasn't articulated a single policy proposal in the entirety of his political career
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What do you think your personal qualities are that mean we should vote for you instead of Abstain. Abstain has been around for a long time, although we almost tried to ban abstain relatively recently. Will be having a poll about having a poll, on a poll on whether we should recall abstain if you are elected Speaker?

•Abuse our lack of a secret ballot to shower my supporters with extravagant political patronage, such as alcohol, ponies, kittens, and cushier jobs in the salt mines after the Taijituan invasion greasy foodstuffs
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KITTTTEEEEHHHS!

Will you be introducing the Secret Ballot as speaker?
 
McMasterdonia:
What do you think your personal qualities are that mean we should vote for you instead of Abstain.
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I am a carbon based organism.

McMasterdonia:
Will be having a poll about having a poll, on a poll on whether we should recall abstain if you are elected Speaker?
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Not until we've had a poll about it.

McMasterdonia:
Will you be introducing the Secret Ballot as speaker?
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I don't view it as a priority, but I'd consider pursuing it if some practical way to implement it could be found.
 
Thank you Gulliver.

My next question is:

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck? If a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, And chuck as much as a woodchuck would. If a woodchuck could chuck wood?
 
I know that. I mean a very different war.

Next Question: As the leader of the Progressive Party and Delegate of Taijitu are you going to use your position as speaker to encourage an invasion?
 
I find it surprising to note that you voted for your opposing candidate in the election. Do you feel Abstain is now likely to be a better speaker?
 
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