Endorsement TG's

Tresville

Tresville

TNPer
My endorsements have dropped considerably even though I endorse every new WA nation in the region and TG them. Also, the server crash we had a few weeks ago made me lose about 6 or more endoes by the time it was fixed.

I don't go more than a day without tarting and I endorsed everyone in the region a few days after the reelection in the forum.

For a week I started to send TG's out to nations that haven't endorsed me and received lil response in the form of endorsements. I am about to do this again this weekend.

I figure my approach must be off. What I usually include in my tg's is simple and straight to the point; Welcome, come to the forum, enjoy the endo, etc. I always hated receiving long TG's from Delegates so I figured short and sweet may be better. This may not be working.

So I would like your input on the matter and some help with the TG's to all the nations that have not endorsed me.

This is the TG I am sending now to new WA's:
Welcome to The North Pacific!!

I am your regional delegate Tresville.  You can call me CiscO if you like.

I hope you remain in our great feeder and interact with the community we have here.  You can find us at the forum:
z13.invisionfree.com/tnp

You can have fun and learn more about the game and its people there.  We are in need of some new blood. So, I really hope you take the time to check the forum out.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact me!!  Enjoy the endorsement.  Please endorse me in return for regional security!!

Have a good one!!

Tresville
CiscO...
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I made this one a lil more personal to see if it works.

Any suggestions on the tg to those that haven't endorsed me? The one above is just for new nations.
 
I would just put the "please endorse me" part more at the top, since I'm sure a lot of people won't read the whole thing.
 
The double exclamation points might be off-putting?

There seems to be a slight grammar issue in paragraph 3, I think the "So" shouldn't start off its own sentence. I think "ask" would be better than "contact me."

I also don't generally ask for the endorsement so directly.
 
Eluvatar:
The double exclamation points might be off-putting?
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Plus Polts might sue!!

A case of TL;DR perhaps, you need to make it stand out from all the recruitment ads.

I'd just put something like:

"Enjoy the endorsement, hope to see you on the forums;
(insert url here)
Your delegate,

Tresville"
 
Whats a regional Delegate? Why's he so important?

New nations will probably have no idea what that position means...maybe you should say something about being the master overlord and prince of TNP. ;)
 
Ator People:
I would just put the "please endorse me" part more at the top, since I'm sure a lot of people won't read the whole thing.
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Done.
Eluvatar:
The double exclamation points might be off-putting?

There seems to be a slight grammar issue in paragraph 3, I think the "So" shouldn't start off its own sentence. I think "ask" would be better than "contact me."

I also don't generally ask for the endorsement so directly.
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Well I have been doing that since 03!!! Can't stop now.

This is the first time I ask for an endorsement directly actually.

Most of my TG's are short and sweet just like that Syd. Hasn't worked.
 
I am sending this out to old WA's that have yet to endorse me:
Hello fellow citizen of The North Pacific!

I am your regional Delegate Tresville...a.k.a. CiscO...

I am contacting you in an attempt to get you involved in the region.

I would like to know what aspects of this game you enjoy and what it would take to get you active in either the RMB or our forum? 

If you have any questions you can ask them at:
z13.invisionfree.com/tnp

We have RP, Games, a Map and politics in the forum.  You can vote for WA Proposals and have a say in the governing of the region by joining the Regional Assembly.  We need diplomats, role players, and people who like to have fun and have a positive attitude.  In other words we need you!! I hope you find something there that interests you. 

I also hope that I can receive your endorsement.

Hope to hear from u soon.

CiscO...
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Comments...suggestions...please let me know!
 
That looks pretty good - I find, however, that it is usually far more effective if someone else (in addition) politely urges citizens to join the WA, and endorse the Delegate. Back when I was more active on NS, I managed to have around 50 endorsements in a region with a population of 60, using this method.
 
The Cisco thing will probably be a bit confusing to new players who probably dont care too much, no offense. Taking it out will make the writing flow a lot smoother which means people will pay more attention to the detail. The sentence where you say you are 'attempting' to get them involved in the region sounds unecessarily pessimistic and the sentence with the link in make it sound like that forum is only for questions.

Also, remember that those not involved in offsite forums are unlikely to know what RMB stands for as in-game it is known as the civil headquarters.
 
Thanks for the comments....I contacted 90% of the people who haven't endorsed me yesterday. I'll add these suggestions in a few days when I do this again.
 
Hello fellow citizen of The North Pacific!

I am your regional Delegate Tresville.

I would like to know what aspects of this game you enjoy and what it would take to get you active in either the Regional Message Board or our forum? 

Here is the link to the forum:
z13.invisionfree.com/tnp

We have RP, Games, a Map and politics in the forum.  You can vote for WA Proposals and have a say in the governing of the region by joining the Regional Assembly.  We need diplomats, role players, and people who like to have fun and have a positive attitude.  In other words we need you!! I hope you find something there that interests you. 

I also hope that I can receive your endorsement eventually.

Hope to hear from u soon.

Tresville
Delegate of the North Pacific.
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Change the 'u' to proper English! You're not sending a text message! Damn youngsters and their hippy-hop music.
 
"I would like to know what aspects of this game you enjoy and what it would take to get you active in either the Regional Message Board or our forum?"

That bit kinda makes us seem desperate...
 
Here is a new one I am trying for newbie WA nations:
Welcome to NationStates and The North Pacific!!

I am your friendly neigborhood Spidehhhh...umm I mean Delegate The Tresville Element!!

Glad to see you have joined the World Assembly....now you're just 1 step away from joining our community...that step is here:
z13.invisionfree.com/tnp

Hope to see you there and to have your endorsement!!
Enjoy mine!

The Tresville Element
Delegate of The North Pacific
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Wouldn't end sentences with 'lol', makes you look 14 (no offence).

Also, the second 'your' should be "you're"- the contraction (as in; you are just 1 step...) as opposed to the possessive 'your'.

[grammar Nazi]

Edit: Maybe a bit too much of a grammar Nazi.
 
My last TG drive to bring up my endocount failed horribly. Out of all the WA's not endorsing me I received about 6 of their endorsements.

So, in my new drive...I will be more honest and open:
Hello fellow citizen of The North Pacific.  I hope your Thanksgiving went well and that your Christmas goes even better!

I am contacting in the hope that you can either get active in our regional government or at least support myself, your elected Delegate, and the Vice Delegate Zemnaya Svoboda.

NationStates has continued its decline and we are losing WA's and puppets everyday.  Our current population is the lowest it has been since the game began.  This makes it much harder to keep a high endorsement count which helps prevent takeovers.

You can help by either creating a puppet or two and endorsing the current delegate.  Hopefully we can retake our old motto "The largest and greatest region in NationStates!"  With everyone's help...anything is possible.

Thanks for listening and for supporting.  Hope to see you in the Regional Message Board or forum.  Happy Holidays!

Your Delegate and long time native,
Tresville
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I'm starting tonight....lets see if this drive works.
 
NationStates has continued its decline and we are losing WA's and puppets everyday.  Our current population is the lowest it has been since the game began.  This makes it much harder to keep a high endorsement count which helps prevent takeovers.

You can help by either creating a puppet or two and endorsing the current delegate.  Hopefully we can retake our old motto "The largest and greatest region in NationStates!"  With everyone's help...anything is possible.
Click to expand...

Oh man, what a downer!

Why don't you just add "Or don't endorse me, since in 5 billion years the sun will swallow the Earth rendering all human endevour on this planet, including NationStates, completely pointless. Also, did I mention your death is inevitable?"
 
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