Civil Law Suit!

New Kervoskia

New Kervoskia

TNPer
I would like to sue Gross for being far too sexy that he makes the whole of the people stare and cease what they're doing. This in turn has caused the government to be far too slow and inefficient. Therefore I request that Gross be hit with the ugly stick so that his sexiness will not hinder progress.
 
New Kervoskia:
I would like to sue Gross for being far too sexy that he makes the whole of the people stare and cease what they're doing. This in turn has caused the government to be far too slow and inefficient. Therefore I request that Gross be hit with the ugly stick so that his sexiness will not hinder progress.
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Heh. In accordance with Interim Court Rules, Rule 402, Section B, I appoint New Kervoskia as prosecutor in this civil suit.

NOTE: In any and all civil suits not brought by myself, I will default to the claimant as prosecutor unless specifically requested otherwise.
 
I offer myself up as a witness for the prosecution, since I have several times over the years been distracted by lust for Grosseschnauser.

I find myself staring at his rippling abs and lightly oiled pectoral muscles and my mouth goes all dry and my pulse becomes faster; a coy blush comes to my cheeks and a tingling feeling begins in my ........ sorry? Where was I there? I got a bit distracted again.

It is all very odd, because I am as straight as they come, but you gotta admit, Gross is damn sexy.
 
I am not quite sure where we are in the order of case assignment, but I am pretty sure it is not me. Phew! :pinch:
 
*Romanoffia runs from courtroom, down th hall to his office, hangs out the 'gone-fishing' sign, closes and locks door and hides under desk*

:lol:
 
I shall defend the defense!! Lies, all lies! Libel, scandal, and at best ignoble!

There simply is no truth to this --why, my client is as tantalizing as a four hour dental surgery or as inviting as a kick to the groin! To his crime the gyrations of his juiced up libido outperform geriatric cripples. One salivates at the thought of his pectoral sensations with as much anticipated thrills as a committee of barren middle-aged accountants on C-SPAN... all night long. As wild and unconventional as a Friday night Dungeons & Dragons circle. And his deep, sultry voice arouses the "Take Me Now, Oh God, OH GOD" of being ravaged by a long ten-inch uncut, thick, hard economic textbook. To his crime a weekend getaway on Lover's Lane arouses the passion of being woken up by a three-year old driving a staple into your forehead. But, Madame Attorney General, we the defense plead this is not criminal. If there is a litmus test for Hawt Make Sexay Time it must be the colonoscopy. For, although one is similarly sedated, the agent examining will not harsh your mellow. The bar is set and has not been reached and therefore the case is bunk. Bunk I say, bunk! My client the defendant is therefore innocent of all spurious allegations alleged against him in this court!!



Don't worry Grosse, we shall debunk these damnable damaging denouncements, vindicating verily and vigilantly the veracity of your venerable value versus vexing villains of vociferous vendettas, absolving and anointing you against all assaults ascribed to amoral adversarial agents of antagonism intensely inimical to your intimately informed integrity. With the full might of Kirby & Son™ Law Firm and Discount Pet Grooming behind you this case is as good as closed. We shall clear your good name, Sir!!
 
Upper Kirby:
I shall defend the defense!! Lies, all lies! Libel, scandal, and at best ignoble!

There simply is no truth to this --why, my client is as tantalizing as a four hour dental surgery or as inviting as a kick to the groin! To his crime the gyrations of his juiced up libido outperform geriatric cripples. One salivates at the thought of his pectoral sensations with as much anticipated thrills as a committee of barren middle-aged accountants on C-SPAN... all night long. As wild and unconventional as a Friday night Dungeons & Dragons circle. And his deep, sultry voice arouses the "Take Me Now, Oh God, OH GOD" of being ravaged by a long ten-inch uncut, thick, hard economic textbook. To his crime a weekend getaway on Lover's Lane arouses the passion of being woken up by a three-year old driving a staple into your forehead. But, Madame Attorney General, we the defense plead this is not criminal. If there is a litmus test for Hawt Make Sexay Time it must be the colonoscopy. For, although one is similarly sedated, the agent examining will not harsh your mellow. The bar is set and has not been reached and therefore the case is bunk. Bunk I say, bunk! My client the defendant is therefore innocent of all spurious allegations alleged against him in this court!!



Don't worry Grosse, we shall debunk these damnable damaging denouncements, vindicating verily and vigilantly the veracity of your venerable value versus vexing villains of vociferous vendettas, absolving and anointing you against all assaults ascribed to amoral adversarial agents of antagonism intensely inimical to your intimately informed integrity. With the full might of Kirby & Son™ Law Firm and Discount Pet Grooming behind you this case is as good as closed. We shall clear your good name, Sir!!
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I'd quite forgotten just how quotable you were, UK.
 
All New Kervoskia has said is that he would like to file a civil law suit.

Unless the English language has changed recently, that is not the same as doing so.

Brown is not a color in my repertoire.

See?
 
Grosseschnauzer:
All New Kervoskia has said is that he would like to file a civil law suit.

Unless the English language has changed recently, that is not the same as doing so.
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Well, I guess my appointing him as prosecutor means that I filed the charges for him and as such the case is active? I dunno. This is all rather silly. :P

But I must say that I am rather excited to see the court set a legal precedent regarding sexiness. One of the most burning issues of our day, in my opinion.

*gets popcorn*
 
I shall defend the defense!! Lies, all lies! Libel, scandal, and at best ignoble!

There simply is no truth to this --why, my client is as tantalizing as a four hour dental surgery or as inviting as a kick to the groin! To his crime the gyrations of his juiced up libido outperform geriatric cripples. One salivates at the thought of his pectoral sensations with as much anticipated thrills as a committee of barren middle-aged accountants on C-SPAN... all night long. As wild and unconventional as a Friday night Dungeons & Dragons circle. And his deep, sultry voice arouses the "Take Me Now, Oh God, OH GOD" of being ravaged by a long ten-inch uncut, thick, hard economic textbook. To his crime a weekend getaway on Lover's Lane arouses the passion of being woken up by a three-year old driving a staple into your forehead. But, Madame Attorney General, we the defense plead this is not criminal. If there is a litmus test for Hawt Make Sexay Time it must be the colonoscopy. For, although one is similarly sedated, the agent examining will not harsh your mellow. The bar is set and has not been reached and therefore the case is bunk. Bunk I say, bunk! My client the defendant is therefore innocent of all spurious allegations alleged against him in this court!!



Don't worry Grosse, we shall debunk these damnable damaging denouncements, vindicating verily and vigilantly the veracity of your venerable value versus vexing villains of vociferous vendettas, absolving and anointing you against all assaults ascribed to amoral adversarial agents of antagonism intensely inimical to your intimately informed integrity. With the full might of Kirby & Son™ Law Firm and Discount Pet Grooming behind you this case is as good as closed. We shall clear your good name, Sir!!
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Summary: You are lying. He is ugly as fuck.
 
Ladies and gentleman. I present the following, evidence.

Uncle-Jesse-and-David-Hasselhoff.jpg

This is a photograph of Grosseschnauzer during a cabinet meeting. Notice how the other ministers are distracted and rather than working they're staring at the Defendant's sexiness.
 
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