New Kervoskia
TNPer
From the fine people at The Pacifican Post presents a new NationStates talk show. Nightline NationStates!
N. Kevostein's guests tonight include...
Dalimbar, Delegate of TNP
Moo-cows, Emperor of The Pacific
Papa Dalimbar, Dalimbar's Father
& Actress Fran Drescher
Paid for & Produced by The Pacifican Post. Note that all of this is fabricated and not based on (much) fact
N. Kevostein's guests tonight include...
Dalimbar, Delegate of TNP
Moo-cows, Emperor of The Pacific
Papa Dalimbar, Dalimbar's Father
& Actress Fran Drescher
[21:11] <NewKervoskia> Good evening folks and welcome to the first edition of Nightline NationStates. Our first guest is someone you should know by now. He's been a writer, director and most recently Delegate of TNP. Welcome, Dali.
[21:11] <Dalimbar> You mean "Rouge Despot of TNP"?
[21:11] <Dalimbar> And thank you.
[21:12] <NewKervoskia> Ah, yes, Rogue Despot. So have you had to move to a new office?
[21:13] <NewKervoskia> And if so who's your decorator?
[21:14] <Dalimbar> Recently I had the labourers work on a new Palace on a rather beautiful island in the middle of friendly territory in the region.
[21:14] *** Naivetry is now known as Nai|Stargate
[21:14] <Dalimbar> My decorator is a nice little number I picked up when I was still working from Magicality City... I mean... *coughs*
[21:15] <Dalimbar> State secret. Can't tell ya/
[21:15] <NewKervoskia> Understandable.
[21:16] <NewKervoskia> I've heard rumors about this or that from the members of that fantabulous group in TNP. But is it true you're returning to your roots in directing? Your last hit in 1989 was a box office smash.
[21:17] <Dalimbar> I may just be. My bones are aching for me directing brilliant films, and I'm sure that this next one will be sure to please.
[21:18] <NewKervoskia> Are you writing it on your own? You met with success in your earlier journalistic writing.
[21:19] <Dalimbar> Darling, it wouldn't be *my* film if I didn't craft it from square one. All my films over the ages have been lovingly written, directed, produced, and shot by me, sort of like my time with the news corps.
[21:20] * Dalimbar sighs with fondness.
[21:20] *** Thel has joined #The_Pacific
[21:21] <Thel> ¡O.O¡
[21:21] <NewKervoskia> Hail!
[21:22] * Dalimbar salutes Thel, and feeds the hippo.
[21:22] <NewKervoskia> Before you entered film and politics you were a licensed OBGYN in Finland. What made you leave?
[21:24] <Dalimbar> It was fine for a few years, but those Finns can be more dictatorial than I am!
[21:25] <Dalimbar> They didn't appreciate my profession.
[21:25] <NewKervoskia> Few ever do.
[21:25] <Dalimbar> I did.
[21:26] <Dalimbar> And my patients certainly did. *Smiles*
[21:26] <NewKervoskia> Now it's time for a word from our sponsor. Uncle Moo's Old Fashioned Terror. If you can find a better kind, then it's to the racks!
[21:27] <Dalimbar> Always a terrorific product.
[21:27] <NewKervoskia> Oh, never fails.
[21:27] <NewKervoskia> Any audience questions?
[21:28] <Moo-Cows> excuse me...excuse me
[21:28] * Dalimbar drinks my cognac, and waits for some questions.
[21:28] * Moo-Cows waves wildly
[21:28] <NewKervoskia> Ah, the cow in the second row.
[21:28] <Moo-Cows> thank you
[21:28] * Dalimbar looks to the mad bovine.
[21:28] <Moo-Cows> What about the rumors?
[21:29] <Moo-Cows> the rumors of the secret liaisons
[21:29] <Dalimbar> Dear, I have a million romours.
[21:29] <Moo-Cows> and the secret money funds
[21:29] <Dalimbar> *rumours
[21:29] <Moo-Cows> with the hippos in Lemuria
[21:29] <Moo-Cows> huh? huh?
[21:29] <Moo-Cows> what do you have to say for yourself, huh?
[21:29] <Dalimbar> How dare you question my actions!
[21:29] <Moo-Cows> those are some pretty damn risque actions, you rogue!
[21:29] <Dalimbar> I was saving those hippos from the Bunny Tyrant!
[21:30] <Moo-Cows> uh huh
[21:30] <Moo-Cows> and I suppose your close proximity to them was required?
[21:30] <Dalimbar> They will reign supreme in Lemuria!
[21:30] <Moo-Cows> I saw the photos!
[21:30] <Moo-Cows> you were nekkid....nekkid!
[21:30] <Dalimbar> I'm... sure you'd like to see me that way.
[21:31] <NewKervoskia> Gentlemen, this is a talk show, not a war room. No need to be so civil!
[21:31] <Moo-Cows> I've heard it's no t hrill!
[21:31] * Dalimbar grabs the chair
[21:31] * Moo-Cows gets out his rocket launcher
[21:31] <Dalimbar> I'd like to see an armless bovine use that
[21:32] <Moo-Cows> I'd like to see you try and make that happen
[21:33] <Dalimbar> I'm sorry that I don't engage in animal cruelty
[21:33] <Moo-Cows> no, just bestiality
[21:33] <NewKervoskia> Is it true that you once ran over a cow?
[21:33] <Moo-Cows> on poor hipppos
[21:33] <Thel> ¡O.o¡
[21:33] <Dalimbar> I wish I did.
[21:34] <NewKervoskia>
[21:34] <Dalimbar> Cud-chewing things.
[21:34] <Moo-Cows> defiler of hippo purity
[21:34] <NewKervoskia> I've heard through the grape-vine that you two are getting married.
[21:34] <Dalimbar> Oh
[21:34] <Moo-Cows> can't you tell?
[21:34] <Dalimbar> Yeah
[21:34] <Dalimbar> Come here, you!
[21:34] <Moo-Cows> no, you!
[21:34] * Dalimbar grabs my big cow
[21:34] * Dalimbar hugs him tight
[21:35] * Moo-Cows hugs his big rogue tight
[21:35] * Dalimbar sniffles
[21:35] <Moo-Cows> awwww
[21:35] <Dalimbar> I'm... sorry that...
[21:35] <Dalimbar> But I never was getting any from you!
[21:35] * Moo-Cows sobs
[21:36] <NewKervoskia> A vicious allegation!
[21:36] <Moo-Cows> you admit it!
[21:36] * NewKervoskia pulls Moo onto the stage
[21:36] * Moo-Cows is onstage
[21:36] * Dalimbar cries in my corner.
[21:36] <NewKervoskia> You two were once a happy couple.
[21:36] <NewKervoskia> What happened?
[21:36] <Moo-Cows> I'm not sure
[21:36] <Moo-Cows> there was a lot of pressure
[21:37] <Dalimbar> Those damn people in The North Pacific didn't like it!
[21:37] * Dalimbar cries
[21:37] <Agamemnon> Wait
[21:37] <Agamemnon> So no more marriage?
[21:37] <Dalimbar> So intolerant.
[21:37] <Moo-Cows> they hate cows, you know
[21:37] <Dalimbar> Couldn't handle a union of a vampire and a cow
[21:38] * Dalimbar bends on one knee
[21:38] <Dalimbar> Moo.... will you still marry me?
[21:38] * Moo-Cows sniffs
[21:38] <Moo-Cows> yes, Dali
[21:38] <Moo-Cows> of course
[21:38] <Moo-Cows> we can't let their insufferableness get in the way
[21:38] * Dalimbar cries happily, and grabs my big bovine
[21:38] <Dalimbar> I'll crush them with my new jackboots.
[21:38] <Agamemnon> Won't the Ordo Hereticus of TNP be able to stop such intolerance!
[21:39] <Dalimbar> Under the might of our jackboots, we will stamp it out.
[21:40] <Agamemnon> But what about the Ordo Hereticus?
[21:40] <Dalimbar> What about them?
[21:40] <Moo-Cows> If you loved me you'd have an Ordo
[21:40] * Dalimbar sniffs
[21:40] <Agamemnon> Will TNP establish an Ordo for its new regime?
[21:41] <Dalimbar> That will be between Moo and me to... talk... about.
[21:41] <NewKervoskia> Before I bring out our special guest, a word from our sponsors.
[21:42] <NewKervoskia> Can't get it up? Is it just short and puny? Well then buy Big Ben's Endo-Count Grower for natural endo-count growth.
[21:42] <Moo-Cows> rofl
[21:43] <Moo-Cows> do you just make this stuff up on the spot?
[21:43] <Dalimbar> rofl!
[21:43] <Dalimbar> Shhh!
[21:43] <Dalimbar> You are interrupting the show!
[21:44] * Moo-Cows sulks
[21:44] * Dalimbar hugs
[21:45] <NewKervoskia> Welcome back. Now I called around and we have a special guest waiting to talk to you.
[21:45] * Dalimbar perks up
[21:45] <NewKervoskia> He flew all the way from his retirement home in Florida.
[21:46] *** PapaDalimbar has joined #The_Pacific
[21:46] <PapaDalimbar> Son!
[21:46] <Agamemnon>
[21:46] <Moo-Cows>
[21:46] <Dalimbar> Oh my god!
[21:46] <Moo-Cows> Dad!!
[21:46] <Dalimbar> What the hell are you doing here?
[21:46] <PapaDalimbar> I wanted to see you two before the wedding.
[21:46] * Moo-Cows throws arms around PapaDalimbar
[21:46] <PapaDalimbar> But I have some bad news and good news.
[21:47] *** Fae is now known as Fae|Nappy
[21:47] * Dalimbar waits for it
[21:47] <PapaDalimbar> You two are brothers.
[21:47] <PapaDalimbar> Half brothers.
[21:47] * Dalimbar gasps
[21:47] <Dalimbar> What?!
[21:47] <Moo-Cows> WHAAAAAAAAAT??????
[21:47] <Dalimbar> Spit it out, man!
[21:48] <PapaDalimbar> When you were just a tot Dali, I went to The Pacific for a business trip. There I met Yolanda, your mother Moo.
[21:48] <PapaDalimbar> We had a child, but I had to leave and return home.
[21:48] * Moo-Cows gasps
[21:48] <Dalimbar> You... you...
[21:48] <Agamemnon> HERESY
[21:48] * Dalimbar stomps off the stage
[21:48] <Moo-Cows> You never bought me an X-Box!!
[21:48] <Agamemnon> How dare you suggest that the glorious Emperor is descended from anyone except for ADMIN himself!
[21:49] <PapaDalimbar> The good news is that I am filthy rich now.
[21:49] <Dalimbar> Whore!
[21:49] <PapaDalimbar> And I wanted to give you all something to make it up.
[21:49] <NewKervoskia> And it's not just anything.
[21:49] * Dalimbar stops
[21:49] * NewKervoskia rolls out two huge Porsches
[21:49] <Agamemnon> GET OFF THE STAGE!
[21:49] <Agamemnon> HERETIC!
[21:49] <Dalimbar> SHUT UP
[21:49] <PapaDalimbar> Solid gole.
[21:50] <PapaDalimbar> gold*
[21:50] <Dalimbar> OH NO YOU DIDN'T
[21:50] <Moo-Cows> hush Ag....porshches
[21:50] <Agamemnon> But!
[21:50] <Agamemnon> It's Heresy!
[21:50] <Moo-Cows> shhhh....let me get the keys first
[21:50] <Dalimbar> And those are porsches
[21:50] <Agamemnon> Then can I lynch him?
[21:50] <Dalimbar> Yes, you can.
[21:50] <Moo-Cows> suire
[21:50] <Moo-Cows> -i
[21:50] <PapaDalimbar> I'd also like to atone for my sins.
[21:50] <PapaDalimbar> By donation to the Church
[21:51] * Agamemnon perks up
[21:51] <Agamemnon> The Holy Ordo Hereticus is always accepting donations.
[21:51] <PapaDalimbar> I made my millions through whorehouses and I want to donate some of my girls as Vestil Virgins
[21:52] <Agamemnon> We have no use for Virgins.
[21:52] <PapaDalimbar> Then how about a sack of gold instead?
[21:52] <Moo-Cows> how about three sacks?
[21:52] <Dalimbar> I'd say four.
[21:52] <Agamemnon> How much is the gold worth?
[21:52] <Moo-Cows> ok
[21:52] <Moo-Cows> four
[21:53] <Dalimbar> As he is a skank.
[21:53] <PapaDalimbar> 100,000 a bag.
[21:53] <PapaDalimbar> And four it is.
[21:53] <Moo-Cows> and regular donations?
[21:53] <Agamemnon> Wait a minute
[21:54] <Moo-Cows> you are a millionaire, after all
[21:54] <Agamemnon> Since I am the Black Cardinal Lord, I should make the final decision.
[21:54] <Moo-Cows> Since I am the Emperor
[21:54] <Agamemnon> Five plus regular donations and you've got a deal/
[21:54] <Moo-Cows> I believe that falls to me
[21:54] <Moo-Cows> five plus regular donations and you're got a deal
[21:54] <Moo-Cows> you've*
[21:54] * Agamemnon mumbles about stealing ideas.
[21:54] <PapaDalimbar> That's fair.
[21:54] *** Thel sets mode +o on PapaDalimbar
[21:55] <PapaDalimbar> But I have an even darker secret.
[21:55] <PapaDalimbar> You see, sons, I'm really...
[21:55] <Agamemnon> Congratulations. Your sins will be forgiven once the five sacks of gold have been received.
[21:55] <Moo-Cows> you're really what?
[21:55] <Moo-Cows> what? what?
[21:55] <Dalimbar> Speak, man!
[21:55] *** PapaDalimbar is now known as FranDrescher
[21:56] <FranDrescher> A woman.
[21:56] <Dalimbar> Oh god!
[21:56] * Dalimbar faints
[21:56] * Moo-Cows faints
[21:56] <Agamemnon> Heresy!
[21:56] <FranDrescher> I'm sorry I had to tell you.
[21:56] <NewKervoskia> Now THAT can't be forgiven.
[21:56] * Moo-Cows is astonished
[21:57] * Dalimbar wakes up
[21:57] <Dalimbar> But...
[21:57] <Moo-Cows> this can't.....
[21:57] <Dalimbar> You...
[21:57] <Moo-Cows> how can you be our father if you're a woman?????
[21:57] <Dalimbar> You ARE a skank!
[21:59] <FranDrescher> Sex change.
[21:59] * FranDrescher cries
[21:59] <FranDrescher> I AM NOT FIT TO BE A FATHER-MOTHER!
[21:59] * FranDrescher jumps out of stage window
[21:59] <Moo-Cows> NO, YOU'RE NOT
[21:59] <Agamemnon> I heard that you're a really a Horse.
[21:59] <Moo-Cows> wait
[21:59] <Moo-Cows> wait
[21:59] <Moo-Cows> stop him
[21:59] <Moo-Cows> stop her
[21:59] <Dalimbar> get him!
[21:59] <FranDrescher> Ahhh!
[21:59] <Dalimbar> *her
[21:59] <Agamemnon> BLACK TEMPLAR
[21:59] <Agamemnon> RETRIEVE HER
[22:01] <FranDrescher> Ahhaha!
[22:01] * FranDrescher leaps to his/her doom
[22:01] * Agamemnon watches her bounce on a trampoline held by the Black Templar
[22:02] * FranDrescher falls up
[22:02] <FranDrescher> Do what you will.
[22:02] <FranDrescher> I've been a bad parent.
[22:02] <FranDrescher> I just wanted what was best for my sons.
[22:02] <Dalimbar> But... why the sex change!?
[22:04] <FranDrescher> It was the 1980s!
[22:04] <FranDrescher> Give me a break.
[22:04] <Dalimbar> Well... true.
[22:04] <Dalimbar> That was an odd decade...
[22:04] <Dalimbar> But still!
[22:04] <Moo-Cows> very odd
[22:05] <FranDrescher> What can I do to make it up to you.
[22:05] <FranDrescher> ?
[22:06] * Dalimbar looks to Moo
[22:06] *** FranDrescher has quit (Quit: www.pjirc.com)
[22:06] *** PapaDalimbar has joined #The_Pacific
[22:06] <PapaDalimbar> I had to change.
[22:07] <Dalimbar> She... he... had a spontanious sex change!
[22:07] * Dalimbar gasps
[22:07] * Moo-Cows sits down
[22:07] <Moo-Cows> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[22:07] <Dalimbar> NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[22:07] <NewKervoskia> What did you do to Papa/Mama?!
[22:08] * Dalimbar runs from the stage, crying
[22:08] <JAL> They were late. I was the driver. I had to do something!
[22:08] <NewKervoskia> I paid good money for them.
[22:08] *** JAL is now known as kicks
[22:09] <NewKervoskia> What the hell? I want to speak to my producer!
[22:09] *** Dalimbar is now known as Dali|out
[22:09] <NewKervoskia> Goddamn it! He's fired.
[22:09] * Moo-Cows gets out guns
[22:09] * Moo-Cows shoots JAL
[22:10] <NewKervoskia> Thank you all for tuning into today's edition of Nightline NationStates. Good night, and get out.
Paid for & Produced by The Pacifican Post. Note that all of this is fabricated and not based on (much) fact
Now where can I get some of that Big Bens??? 