Harry potter meets Gatesville

Flemingovia

Flemingovia

TNPer
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Frail and aged, Gatesdore stood trembling and feeble before the assembled student wizards of Gatesvillewarts.

"Welcome, one and all, to this new term at Gatesvillewarts" he said.

Harry and Hermione exchanged a worried glance. Once, Gatesdore's voice exuded authority and power. Now he needed to constantly refer to his notes, and lost his place several times as he rambled through his beginning of term speech.

Suddenly, Harry noticed a new teacher, standing impatiently behind Gatesdore, her foot tapping anxiously. At last she could take it no more.

"hem hem" she coughed.

Now slightly deaf, Gatesdore could not hear her.

"HEM HEM", she repeated, louder.

Eventually he noticed her. "ah .... yes .... this is .... Dolores Nervadar ......"

Dolores moved forward and smoothly took the microphone, pushing Gatesdore aside.

"I have been instructed by the ministry of magic to come into Gatesvillewarts to being a NEW BROOM into the region. I have decided that these old, dusty premises are not large enough for my needs."

Harry had to agreee. Given her ample girth, Dolores Nervadar would indeed have trouble getting through some of Gatesvillewarts narrower doorways. Dolores continued.

"I have therefore decided to expand into one of the Feeders. Please pack up your trunks, and move immediately into the North Pacific. Once there you will endorse The house-elf Chodean Kal, then wander around aimlessly until I order you to come back."

"But that is pointless, and will just make us look stupid" Ron Weasley shouted

"Ten points from the Order of Griffindor for cheek" shouted back Dolores, gleefully.

Everyone looked at Gatesdore. Surely this should be a decision for the headmaster. Sadly, Gatesdore just seemed confused, while Dolores was in control of the situation.

"MOVE" shouted Dolores, frothing slightly at the lips. "I want to see every house in the North Pacific RIGHT NOW, or there will be no quidditch for the rest of the term."

Harry sighed as he moved out of the dining hall. Shaking his head, he remembered happier school years when Gatesdore had been in full command of his faculties.

Things were certainly going downhill at Gatesvillewarts.
 
I must admit, I laughed. :lol:

And for everyone out there who's about to get all offended and yell at us, please keep in mind that TNP has had a long tradition of satire and limericks during its times of delegate strife.

The best course of action is to laugh and maybe even write your own satire about the situation.
 
Harry Potter wandered the deserted corridors of Gatesvillewarts. So many of the children were on a school trip to The North Pacific. The Slytherins had been happy to go, but the rest were confused at the recent turn of events. Who was in charge? The elderly Gatesdore, or the vile Dolores Nevadar? Harry had to find out.

With new purpose in his step, he headed for GAtesdore’s study. But as he reached the door, he stopped and pressed himself against the wall to avoid being seen.

Dolores Nevadar was outside the locked door, the word “FOUNDER” clearly carved in the wood. Spell after spell flew from her wand, as she tried to magic the door open.

“ALOHAMORA! ALOHAMORA” she screeched, stamping her feet. “OPEN, DAMN YOU.”

She noticed Harry then. Her eyes flashed with hatred, then she composed herself. Her mouth simpered.

“Harry! Harry! The famous Harry Potter! Come drink some potio…. Tea with me!”

A cup magically appeared in her hand. She held it to Harry’s lips, but Harry knew better than to drink. Had this woman never heard of Ketamine?

As he pretended to drink, Dolores Nevadar’s eyes flashed in triumph. “Now” she said, exultantly, “Tell me, what the fuck is actually going on in The North Pacific? Did Dalimbar the house elf invite us in or not?”

Harry kept quiet, but inside he rejoiced. Dolores was more confused than Gatesdore!

“I cannot seem to get into the Founder’s office” she continued. “A minor problem, and I am sure Gatesdore would not mind …. Could you tell me how to get in?”

So that was her plan! Harry thought. He could only hope that Gatesdore still had enough power and authority to keep control of the school. But, remembering how Gatesdore’s hands had quivered in the school hall that morning, Harry had his doubts.
 
This is great, tho I personally prefer this spelling of Griffin:
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THE SORTING HAT SONG

c11--the-sorting-hats-new-song.jpg


In times of old, when I was new,
And Gatesville barely started,
The Noble Gates was not yet old
And the region was stout-hearted.
United by a common goal,
They had the selfsame yearning
To make the world's best region
And pass along their learning.

But now Delores Nevadar
Has taken on the reins
Poor Gates is shunted to one side
No trace of his power remains
The region, sadly, has declined
Now has a feeble aim
They’ve wandered into TNP
To seek a feeder’s fame.

Dolores stands in Gatesvillewarts
She shrieks to all her minions
"You go to the region, I'll visit the forum
And pontificate my opinions"
Sadly Dolores is made of too weak stuff
To break TNP’s heart
The Gatesville troops will get bogged down
And eventually depart.

Oh, know the perils, read the signs,
the warning history shows,
TNP’s in no real danger
from external, Gatesvillewarts foes
and we must unite inside her
or we'll crumble from within
I have told you, I have warned you...
let the Sorting now begin.
 
:rofl: You have a special talent for this Flemingovia, it's awsome, so keep on, i want to see much more :lol: , i'm sure even Severus Snape would find this an interesting and funny new version of Harry Potter and the Gatesvillewarts adventures.
 
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