This is a tabloid article intended as fun (pronounced "fuhn"). It is not intended to be a serious commentary on recent events, nor is it intended in any way to contribute to the oh-so-gripping point by point whine fest going on throughout Nationstates. It is Satire, designed to be read by those with a sense of humour. Any attempt to make political capital out of it will be met with derision, and much use of the following smilies:
and possibly 
and 
If you cannot recognise satire when you see it, I suggest you stare for a while at this picture of a kitten and puppy and think happy thoughts. Everyone else, scroll down...
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So, for the rest of us who have got this far, here is the article:
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Every second of every day a billion billion choices are made that alter the universe in tiny, subtle ways. Philosophers tell us that that means that there an infinite number of alternate universes, each of which exist in potentio
Tonight let me take you on a journey to one of those alternates. A universe where Moldavi is president of the United States, and is about to make his first state of the Union Address.
*band plays “hail to the chief*
*standing ovation, shouts of “hail” etc*
Mr. Speaker, Vice President Goddessnessness, members of Congress, distinguished citizens and fellow citizens, every year, by law and by custom, we meet here to consider the state of the union. This year, we gather in a sombre mood, deeply aware of the forces that seek to tear our nation apart.
There are threats from within. There are those who criticise my handling of the economy.
Some say my policies have brought our nation to the brink of ruin and made us an international laughing stock. I say that everything always works out exactly how I wanted it to. Everything, you hear? So do not complain about what I am doing; nothing is unplanned. It is all part of my master plan. It really is. When has anything ever happened that I did not plan?
Moldavi plans all, sees all, knows all. Nothing happens apart from his divine plan
"Who are you who darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone-
while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?
*editorial note*
President Moldavi then continued to recite the whole of the Bible, Job 38 and 39, before wiping the froth from his lips, gathering himself, and returning to his script.
Our nation also faces a serious threat from the Pacific Army. My security advisers tell me that they are an incompetent, irrelevant, tiny group, unworthy of my attention. But simultaneously they tell me that they are the greatest threat to our proud nation that we have ever faced. It’s a bugger to understand, but there you go.
In the face of this grave threat I have signed executive order #4008, the “I’m not talking to you any more, so there” Act. This act decrees that we will not talk to anyone who has talked to the Pacific Army. Mr Speaker – you spoke to the Pacific Army in 2004. I am not speaking to you any more. Madam Vice President – you posted in a Pacific Army Embassy thread. I am not talking to you. Congress? You once entertained a group from the Pacific Army. I do not want to talk to you.
Go on, get out, all of you..
*there is a pause while the chamber is cleared.*
My fellow Americans, I am addressing you now from this empty chamber. Every year, by law and by custom, we meet here to consider the state of the union…… hang on. You. Yes, you – the CNN cameraman. Who are you talking to? Don’t try to hide that mobile phone. You were talking to the Pacific Army, weren’t you?
Get out.
Yes, and take your sound man with you. Go on. Get out. And turn that camera off before you…..
*transmission ends*
End credits: Soothing orchestral music. Voice sings over:
Day after day, alone on the hill,
The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still.
But nobody wants to know him,
They can see that he's just a fool.
And he never gives an answer .....
But the fool on the hill,
Sees the sun going down.
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning around.
Well on his way, his head in a cloud,
The man of a thousand voices, talking perfectly loud.
But nobody ever hears him,
Or the sound he appears to make.
And he never seems to notice .....
But the fool on the hill,
Sees the sun going down.
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning around.
And nobody seems to like him,
They can tell what he wants to do.
And he never shows his feelings,
But the fool on the hill,
Sees the sun going down.
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning around.
and possibly and If you cannot recognise satire when you see it, I suggest you stare for a while at this picture of a kitten and puppy and think happy thoughts. Everyone else, scroll down...
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
So, for the rest of us who have got this far, here is the article:
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
Every second of every day a billion billion choices are made that alter the universe in tiny, subtle ways. Philosophers tell us that that means that there an infinite number of alternate universes, each of which exist in potentio
Tonight let me take you on a journey to one of those alternates. A universe where Moldavi is president of the United States, and is about to make his first state of the Union Address.
*band plays “hail to the chief*
*standing ovation, shouts of “hail” etc*
Mr. Speaker, Vice President Goddessnessness, members of Congress, distinguished citizens and fellow citizens, every year, by law and by custom, we meet here to consider the state of the union. This year, we gather in a sombre mood, deeply aware of the forces that seek to tear our nation apart.
There are threats from within. There are those who criticise my handling of the economy.
Some say my policies have brought our nation to the brink of ruin and made us an international laughing stock. I say that everything always works out exactly how I wanted it to. Everything, you hear? So do not complain about what I am doing; nothing is unplanned. It is all part of my master plan. It really is. When has anything ever happened that I did not plan?
Moldavi plans all, sees all, knows all. Nothing happens apart from his divine plan
"Who are you who darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone-
while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?
*editorial note*
President Moldavi then continued to recite the whole of the Bible, Job 38 and 39, before wiping the froth from his lips, gathering himself, and returning to his script.
Our nation also faces a serious threat from the Pacific Army. My security advisers tell me that they are an incompetent, irrelevant, tiny group, unworthy of my attention. But simultaneously they tell me that they are the greatest threat to our proud nation that we have ever faced. It’s a bugger to understand, but there you go.
In the face of this grave threat I have signed executive order #4008, the “I’m not talking to you any more, so there” Act. This act decrees that we will not talk to anyone who has talked to the Pacific Army. Mr Speaker – you spoke to the Pacific Army in 2004. I am not speaking to you any more. Madam Vice President – you posted in a Pacific Army Embassy thread. I am not talking to you. Congress? You once entertained a group from the Pacific Army. I do not want to talk to you.
Go on, get out, all of you..
*there is a pause while the chamber is cleared.*
My fellow Americans, I am addressing you now from this empty chamber. Every year, by law and by custom, we meet here to consider the state of the union…… hang on. You. Yes, you – the CNN cameraman. Who are you talking to? Don’t try to hide that mobile phone. You were talking to the Pacific Army, weren’t you?
Get out.
Yes, and take your sound man with you. Go on. Get out. And turn that camera off before you…..
*transmission ends*
End credits: Soothing orchestral music. Voice sings over:
Day after day, alone on the hill,
The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still.
But nobody wants to know him,
They can see that he's just a fool.
And he never gives an answer .....
But the fool on the hill,
Sees the sun going down.
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning around.
Well on his way, his head in a cloud,
The man of a thousand voices, talking perfectly loud.
But nobody ever hears him,
Or the sound he appears to make.
And he never seems to notice .....
But the fool on the hill,
Sees the sun going down.
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning around.
And nobody seems to like him,
They can tell what he wants to do.
And he never shows his feelings,
But the fool on the hill,
Sees the sun going down.
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning around.
or