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Citizens of Mexiconian, I, president for life of our great republic, would like to announce that there are no zombie hordes rampaging throughout the streets. Early news broadcasts about zombified citizens attacking and eating the people were false and all news agencies involved in this incident...

As the president for life of Mexiconian I greet you. It is my hope the hardworking; lazy, warlike, peaceful people of Mexiconian can someday reach the point of being barely adequate.