Al's Joke of the Day

Love it! :lol:

Here's another oldie:

A man walks into a pub and I notices two large women at the bar. After sitting near them a few minutes, he notices that they both had strong accents so he asks, "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"


One of them chirped: "It's Wales you friggin' idiot!"

Immediately apologizing, the man replies "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"
 
:blush: guys what do you think


there was once a guy who sold his car for a horse.
the guy who sold the horse said , " that to go fast say hallelujah, and to go slow say amen." So the men tried in the woods he told the horse," hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah." the went so fast that could hardly see a cliff coming up. the man said ," amen, amen, amen. the horse luckily stopped.Then the man said phew Hallelujah ......


LIKE IT GUYS
 
Wife says to her husband, you want to change positions tonight?

He says, I sure do!

She says, okay, you do the dishes and I'll sit on the couch and fart and watch TV.
 
An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."
 
"Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo."
- Where's Waldo on audiobook.
 
Two dockworkers in Odessa are on a short break, and one of them remarks to the other, "Hey, did you know? England's an island!" His companion looks at him skeptically and replies, "Naaaah. People would know."
 
In the US, dead baby jokes are as passe as amputee jokes.

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one tells the waitress he would like a pint of blood. The second one orders a pint of blood as well. The third one says he's dieting and he'll just have a pint of plasma. The waitress calls back to the bartender, "Hey, we need two bloods and a blood lite."
 
I know one pretty similar, but the third vampire orders a glass with hot water and when the rest looks at him funny he shows a used sanitary towel and goes "I'm brewing a tea"
 
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