The Book of Flemingovia

Flemingovia

Flemingovia

TNPer
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The Book of Flemingovia

Chapter 1
1 IN the beginning was Maxx, and all was formless and void. 2 And Maxx wrote the first book of books, and the words of that book he fashioned the world. 3 and the world was called Nationstates. 4 And Maxx created powers in the world, and called them Moderators. 5 [Violet] was given dominion over all, and Sedge was created to vex and frustrate mankind. 6 And Maxx created regions for people to live in. 7 He created the Pacific – a forbidding place. 8 He created the West Pacific – a place where decisions would never happen. 9 he created the East and South Pacifics . 10 But best of all he created the North Pacific to be his delight and his joy.

11. And Maxx said, “It is not good for my most beloved of regions to be without a God. 12 So he created Flemingovia to rule wisely over the people, so that they might prosper. 13 But the people rebelled against Maxx and Flemingovia. “We want our own god” they said. 14 So they created an idol to worship. 15 The idol had many words and many clauses. And they called the idol “Constitution”. 16 and they worshipped it.
 
Chapter 2
1And Maxx grew angry with the people, and sent many plagues to smite the people. 2The first plague he called “Confusion”. 3The words of constitution were made so contradictory and the clauses so confusing that none could understand them. 4Yet the people were stubborn and still they obeyed Constitution. 5The second plague he called “Decline”. 6 Many people deserted the North Pacific saying “we will no longer follow Constitution” 7 until only a few were left, with the prophets of the constitution who interpreted its words ruling over them: Eluvatar and Grosseschnauser. 8 The third plague he called “Justices”. 9 The people chose Judges to rule over them. 10 But Maxx made the judges to be ignorant and foolish, unable to make a decision or even to tell the time. 11 Yet the people were stubborn and still they obeyed Constitution. 13 The final plague he called “Slavery”. 14 Maxx caused the people to become the servants of Constitution, obeying its every whim.

15 And the constitution sore oppressed them. And the people languished and begged for a saviour.
 
Chapter 3

1 And Flemingovia saw the suffering of the people, and he went and stood before Maxx. 2 And he said “The people are suffering from Confusion and Decline and Justices and Slavery. 3 Let me go down and show them my ways, so that they may be happy and prosperous. 4 And Maxx agreed.

5 So Flemingovia went to the people and said “6 No longer follow the Constitution which oppresses you. Follow my ways and my laws, which are shorter and simpler.” 7 And the people rejoiced. 8 But then Grosseschnauser spoke up and said 9 “The constitution is your master. You must do what it says. 10 You have no free will, except what the Constitution grants you.” 11 And the people were afraid. 12 Then Eluvatar spoke with silken words, and he said 13 “the constitution can be easily tweaked so that these plagues leave us. 14 If you just take out “and” in section 1, subsection 4, paragraph 6c, clause 9 and replace it with “but” - of course cross-referencing with Section 4, subsection 2, Paragraph 2, clause 2, then you will be happy and all the plagues will be over. 15 All it takes is a little tinkering." 16 And the people said “whut? WTF?”

17 and they were confused.

18 So the people preferred slavery, and rejected Flemingovia and his ways, except for a righteous few who saw the light. 19 And they built a Temple in Magicality City.

20 But Grosseschnauser saw the Temple, and he was jealous.
 
Chapter 4

1 And it came to pass that on the 14th day of the month of Nisan, the followers of Flemingovia were worshipping in the Temple, peacefully exercising their faith. 2 But Grosseschnauser entered the Temple. And he was angry. 3 And he said “who gave you the right to build this Temple? 4 And the people said “the elected Delegate.” 5 And Grosseschnauser trembled with rage, and he said “The Delegate, that insignificant shit? 6 I am the guardian of Constitution. Blue Wolf shall be brought down, if it takes me a dozen recall votes. 7 I am the power in this region. 8 Nobody since Hersfold has held the power of Root Admin until me. 9 You are peasants who exist to do my will – you fucking retards. 10 I alone am the Law in TNP, for I am ROOT ADMIN…. Hang on, did I say all that out loud?”

11 And the people were afraid.

12 And Grosseschnauser demolished the Temple and drove Flemingovia and his followers out of Magicality City. 13 And as they left, Grossescnauser cried out, 14 “That will teach you to listen to fucking so-called Delegates. I have the power in TNP, and don’t you forget it. In this region, I AM THE LAW!”

`4 And the people wept.
 
14 So they created an idol to worship. 15 The idol had many words and many clauses. And they called the idol “Constitution”. 16 and they worshipped it.
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:lol: :rofl: :clap: :worship:

flemingovia.jpg


Chapter 5

1 And the Flemingovia God saw that it was good and sent his Prophets unto the Nations of The North Pacific and commanded them, "DO MY BIDDING!"

2 And the Prophets of the Flemingovia God feasted upon the preserved innards of tree frogs, the lungs of the wildebeast, several small chunks of something that may or may have not been raisins and washed it all down with rum.

3 And the Prophets rebuilt the temple with an addition to the kitchen, a media room with really nice audio-video equipment and a swimming pool out back next to the rum distillery.
 
Chapter 5

1 And it came to pass that the people went to Grosseschnauzer and said to him “now that Flemingovia is expelled from Magicality City what shall we do for wisdom and guidance?” 2 And Grosseschnauzer considered the matter.

3 And Grosseschnauzer set up a stone statue in the Regional Assembly, and he told the people “This stone statue will look and listen but will do nothing. 4 You are to call this statue “Govindia”, and it will be your guide from now on. 5 Govindia will speak as I instruct him unto you. And you will call him "Speaker", for he will speak my words to you."

6 But the people said “is not this statue the same Govindia we will not speak to on IRC, for he is a dickhead? 7 Why then should we go to him for wisdom?” 8 And “Grossescnauzer said “shut up”

9 So the people went to Govindia and asked their questions. 10 They said “Why are we so unhappy since Flemingovia was driven out of Magicality City?”

11 And Govindia replied “the delegate has not explained his unexplained extended absence.”

12 And the people furrowed their brows and said “whut? That does not answer the question. ”

13 And the people said “there are many among us who are idle and should not be in the Regional Assembly. What should be done?”

14 And Govindia replied “the delegate has not explained his unexplained extended absence.”

15 And the people said “but your name is among them. Should not you also be removed from the regional assembly?”

16 And Govindia replied “the delegate has not explained his unexplained extended absence.”

17 And the people grew wise to Govindia’s ways, and they said “let us test Govindia. Govindia, what is 2+2?”

18 And Govindia replied “the delegate has not explained his unexplained extended absence.”

19 And the people realised that they would never hear wisdom from the lips of Govindia, and would never see any action from him. 20 So they began to weep all the more for someone to save them.

21 And Govindia saw their sorrow. 22 But all he would say was “the delegate has not explained his unexplained extended absence.”
 
Chapter 6

1 And the people said “Govindia should not be in the Regional Assembly. It is contrary to our laws.” 2 So they laid hands upon the statue of Govindia and started to drag him from the regional Assembly. 3 But Govindia dug his heels in and refused to move until Grosseschnauzer decided that he should move.

4 And Grossechnauzer entered the city.

5 And the people spoke to Grosseschnauzer and said “Govindia should not be in the Regional Assembly. It is contrary to our laws.”

6 And Grosseschnauzer’s face was as thunder, and he spoke harshly to the people. 7 And he said “Govindia is my true minion, who speaks as I desire him to speak and decides as I want him to decide. 8 Although the Law says that he should be removed, I am above the Law because I decide what the Law means. And I decide that Govindia must stay.”

9 And the people said “we are many and you are one. This is supposed to be a democracy. Why should you decide against our will?”

10 And Grossescnauzer said “you are right when you say that TNP is a democracy. 11 A democracy means “one man, one vote.” In TNP I am the man and I get the vote. 12 Now shut the fuck up and do as you are told. Govindia stays until I decide that he goes.”

13 And the people were sad.

14 And Govindia spoke and said “the delegate has not explained his unexplained extended absence.” 15 But his words were as ashes in the ears of the people, for they knew that there would be no freedom and no liberty and no rule of law so long as Grosseschnauzer ruled over the region.

16 And they longed for the Temple that Grosseschnauzer had destroyed. They longed to be free.
 
flemingovia:
Chapter 6

1 And the people said “Govindia should not be in the Regional Assembly. It is contrary to our laws.” 2 So they laid hands upon the statue of Govindia and started to drag him from the regional Assembly. 3 But Govindia dug his heels in and refused to move until Grosseschnauzer decided that he should move.

4 And Grossechnauzer entered the city.

5 And the people spoke to Grosseschnauzer and said “Govindia should not be in the Regional Assembly. It is contrary to our laws.”

6 And Grosseschnauzer’s face was as thunder, and he spoke harshly to the people. 7 And he said “Govindia is my true minion, who speaks as I desire him to speak and decides as I want him to decide. 8 Although the Law says that he should be removed, I am above the Law because I decide what the Law means. And I decide that Govindia must stay.”

9 And the people said “we are many and you are one. This is supposed to be a democracy. Why should you decide against our will?”

10 And Grossescnauzer said “you are right when you say that TNP is a democracy. 11 A democracy means “one man, one vote.” In TNP I am the man and I get the vote. 12 Now shut the fuck up and do as you are told. Govindia stays until I decide that he goes.”

13 And the people were sad.

14 And Govindia spoke and said “the delegate has not explained his unexplained extended absence.” 15 But his words were as ashes in the ears of the people, for they knew that there would be no freedom and no liberty and no rule of law so long as Grosseschnauzer ruled over the region.

16 And they longed for the Temple that Grosseschnauzer had destroyed. They longed to be free.
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:rofl: :lol: :yes: :clap:

:worship:
 
Blue Wolf II:
flemingovia:
8 And “Grossescnauzer said “shut up”
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If the Bible had quotes like that one, I would totally read it cover to cover instead of just skimming it. :P
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Be silent, you people of the island and you merchants of Sidon, whom the seafarers have enriched.
Isaiah 23:2
 
New Revised Edition:

8 And “Grossescnauzer said “Be silent, you people of The North Pacific and you merchants of Elite Power, whom the people have bowed down to like a herd of so many ruminant quadrupeds .”
 
Blue Wolf II:
flemingovia:
8 And “Grossescnauzer said “shut up”
Click to expand...
If the Bible had quotes like that one, I would totally read it cover to cover instead of just skimming it. :P
Click to expand...
Perhaps you would enjoy THIS.

In the meantime, I enjoy your humorous spin on events around here. It makes things interesting.! :rofl:
 
Chapter 7 – The Fall of Govindia

1 But the clamour against Govindia grew louder and louder, for the people knew that he should not be in the regional Assembly. 2 But the louder the people shouted, the more Govindia dug in his heels and refused to leave.

3 So Grossechnauzer stood up and began to speak. 4 And he spoke many, many words. 5 All day he spoke, and all night, and through the next day. 6 He appealed to Constitution, he appealed to the Constitution that had been there before the Constitution. He appealed to the traditions of their forefathers that everyone had forgotten except him. He appealed to the traditions of those shadowy days between the Constitutions. 7 And as he spoke the eyes of the people grew heavy.

8 And the people fell asleep, and they slept.

9 And Govindia grew bold, and he began to speak, echoing the words of Grosseschnauzer. 10 Everything that Grosseschnauzer spoke, Govindia repeated.

11 And Eluvatar the Nomad returned from his travels. And nobody knew where he had been. 12 But Govindia and Grosseschnauzer rejoiced, thinking “Eluvatar will speak and the people will listen, and they will end their clamour.” 13 But Eluvatar added his voice to the voice of the People. 14 And so Govindia knew that the people would soon remove him from the Regional Assembly, so he left, crying out and demanding an apology.

15 And the people rejoiced.

16 But Grossescnauzer said “now I will give you a judge who will speak my words to you. 17 And he introduced Hileville to the people.

18 And the people said “who is Hileville, that we should listen to him? What are his ideas for the courts?

19 And Hileville said “I have lots of good ideas to be a good chief justice.”

20 And the people said “what are these good ideas?”

21 And Hileville said “um”

22 And the people’s hearts grew heavy because they knew that nothing had changed in TNP.
 
I think that the portion of this narrative about Hileville was sub-par and did not meet your exalted standards. I request that you improve it or I will be forced and obliged to find legal* means to file paperwork in tripicate [white, beige, and goldenrod] into the appropriate paper bins for the senior undersecretary concerned to appropriately act to discourage further failure to meet the high comic quality we have come to expect from flemingovia.

*22§4:B
 
You cannot improve Holy Scripture. it is inerrant.

I will, however, wait for Hileville to give me more material in the future.
 
Chapter 8 - the writing on the wall.

[1]And it came to pass that in the second month of his reign, Delegate Blue Wolf gave a great feast for a thousand of his nobles and he drank wine with them. [2]And Flemingovia was among them.

[3]While Blue Wolf and Flemingovia were drinking their wine, suddenly the fingers of a human hand appeared and wrote on the plaster of the wall, near the lampstand of the delegate’s palace. [4]And Blue Wolf and Flemingovia watched the hand as it wrote. [5]Blue Wolf’s face turned pale and he became so frightened that his legs became weak and his knees were knocking.

[6]And Blue Wolf summoned all the enchaters, astrologers, and diviners and he said to the wise men of the North Pacific, “[7]Whoever reads this writing and tells me what it means will be clothed in purple and have a gold chain placed around his neck, and he will be made the third highest ruler in the Region.”

[8]And the words that the ghostly hand wrote were these: EXCUSATIONE EXIGO.

[9]And Flemingovia spoke and said “May the Delegate live for ever! Do not be alarmed and do not look so pale! The hand that you saw was the hand of Govindia and this is what the words that he wrote in the language of the ancients mean:

[10]EXCUSATIONE: An apology.

[11]EXIGO: I demand.

[12]And Blue Wolf grew angry, and he said “who is this Govindia to demand an apology from me? I did not write his name in the list of cabinet ministers which I published secretly. I will not apologise to him.

[13]But Flemingovia decided to show his love for all humankind, and his tolerance of the the weak of mind, and he wrote a touching yet troublingly homoerotic apology to Govindia.

[14]And Govindia snubbed and ignored the apology of Flemingovia.

[15]Then Grossescnauzer entered the Temple and said “Govindia is my beloved, my child. Who are you, Flemingovia, that people call you God? And who are you, Blue Wolf, that you are titled Delegate? [16]I am Grossescnauzer, and I am Root Admin. I am above the Law and my word IS the Law. [17]Hear therefore what I decree concerning Govindia”

[18]And Grossescnauzer gave five commandments concerning Govindia:

  • [19]Thou shalt not call Govindia an Idiot or a Pissant or a Tool or anything else that offends him, or he shall report it and thou shalt be warned.

    [20]No Moderator may warn Govindia, no matter what he says or does, for I, Grossescnauzer, am a tolerant Admin with a soft touch. I shall overturn any warning given to Govindia, and thou shalt be bitchslapped for your actions.

    [21]Thou shalt not exclude Govindia from any IRC channel, or else he shall whine and shall not let up.

    [22]If thou offendest Govindia, he shall demand an apology of you. If you ignore him, he shall repeat his demand in reply to damn near every post you make.

    [23]Even if Govinida is banned from other pacifics, and even from TUK, AoQ, FRA, England, in The North Pacific he shall be untouchable, for I AM ADMIN.

[24]And Blue Wolf and Flemingovia and all the people went and pondered these words. And they were sorrowful.

[25]And Blue Wolf replastered the wall.
 
Flem I shared some of your glorious chapters to the people of Taijitu. I hope you don't mind :P They enjoyed reading them very much :)
 
Chapter 9 An Oracle of Flemingovia

1. And the people of TNP grew fearful, and they asked "who will defend us in the time of our trial?" 2. And Eluvatar spoke soothingly to the people and said "we will make many treaties with the region around us. And we will build walls of paper around our region so that nobody will attack us."

3. So Eluvatar crossed the desert and went to Osiris, and he spoke to the Pharaoh: 4. "please give us a treaty, for we are weak and need your help." 5. and the nobles of Osiris mocked TNP, and laughed and said "is this the once-proud TNP who comes to us asking for a treaty? 6. We will only make a treaty with you if it is re-written to our liking." 7. and they called TNP a drama horse, and ridiculed the region. 8. And the people looked to Eluvatar to lead them.

9. But Eluvatar said to the people "we must endure their mockery, and smile when they ridicule us, for we are weak and we need walls of paper and ramparts of treaties to protect us."

10. And the treaty was signed. And shame fell on the people.

11. And the Spirit came upon Flemingovia, and he began to prophecy:

12 Woe to those who go down to Osiris for help,
who rely on horses,
who trust in the multitude of their chariots
and in the great strength of their horsemen,
but do not look to the Holy One of TNP,
or seek help from Flemingovia.

13. Osiris will not aid you,
in your time of trial they will desert you
the treaty will be ignored
but your shame will be remembered.

14 The Osirians are mere mortals and not God;
their horses are flesh and not spirit.
When Flemingovia stretches out his hand,
those who help will stumble,
those who are helped will fall;
all will perish together.

15 Return, TNP, to the One you have so greatly revolted against. 16 For you grovel before Osiris and lick their boots in the hope that they will protect you. 17. You abase yourself before them and lose your dignity and pride.

18. Remember the days of old;
consider the generations long past.
Ask your father and he will tell you,
your elders, and they will explain to you.
Remember your pride.

19. and you, Osiris, Do not gloat over TNP
Though we have fallen, we will rise.
Though we have prostrated ourselves before you
We will remember our dignity.

20 TNP, The day for building your regional pride will come,
the day for extending your boundaries.

21 In that day people will come to you
from East Pacific and West,
even from Osiris to Baldur
and from sea to sea
and from mountain to mountain.
 
Chapter 10: the Smearing of Blue Wolf

[1] And Eluvatat spake unto the people and he said “I have for thee secret knowledge that I have hitherto only shared with a secret group within the government. [2] And it shows that Blue Wolf once thought about couping the region.

[3] And the people said “no shit, Sherlock. It’s Blue Wolf. That’s what he DOES!”

[4] And Eluvatar said “no, look, it is really, really incriminating. It shows that he once thought about something that he didn’t do.”

[5]And the people said “That seems pretty tame to us. Show us more of the thread this information comes from, for Lo, it is governmental so we have a right to see it.”

[6] And Eluvatar thought for a minute and said “ah. Bugger."

[7] And then he said “no, actually I have decided that it is non-governmental, and so you have no right to see it.”

[8] And Grossechnauzer agreed and made a long post about it that nobody read.

[9] And Flemingovia gave judgement and said “Elu is right. If he says it is not from the government you have no right to see it.”

[10] And the people were sad, but they recognised the wisdom of Flemingovia. [11] But they asked “Who is this secret group who can decide things that we are not trusted to decide, even though we are the Regional Assembly of TNP?”

[12] And Eluvatar said “you may not know that either, for if you do you would know things that you must not know. For you are foolish and stiff-necked people, easily led and easily fooled.

[13] And the people said “We are not easily fooled!”

[14] And then Eluvatar laughed and said “You are! I said the information was nongovernmantal when I thought the information was governmental all along. Fooled you, suckas!”

[15] And the people were sad, for they had thought that Eluvatar was trustworthy.

[16] So the people were never allowed to know what the secret group thought they should not know. And they wondered why only some in the region were trusted enough.

[17] And the people pondered this. And they began to think about who this secret group might be, and why other people were making the decision about what they could be told….?

[18] And they wondered why they were not trusted.
 
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