Meanderings

Janus

Janus

Eh? [HA and Culture Staff]
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TNP Nation
YetiNation
Discord
Janus#1875
A place for random thoughts, some poetry, roleplay and various miscellaneous stuff.


Feel free to comment and/or criticize.
 
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Some Haikus. Using the Western 5-7-5 syllable rule.

In honor of the long-missing IndieGirl, spam goddess:

Tyr, two-handed now, holds
The Wolf, Woffles, at bay for a
Moment, fist clenched tight.

Devouring Mother,
Whose Shadow is God, I love
Thee with thy sharp teeth.

Lightning flashing, rain
Drenching, thunder rolling. Me
Dancing in the dark.

I whisper, thunder
Speaks. I lay, awed. Zeus closes
His secret heart again.

In the room, Father
Shines, I shadow. Days later,
She cries out: "I die!"


My favorite birds:

Crows fly, curving seeds
Borne aloft. A murder circling,
Seeds dropping unbroken.​

Croaking, the scout laughs
As I watch smiling. Speaking,
I greet the bird; me.

Odin's thoughts/memories,
We fly the worlds seeking news
to bring back to him.


Accolades welcome. ;)​
 
To the Spirit in the spoken silence:

Water follows/fire burns
Heaven's choir dissonant/elohim fractious
Sorrow sings
Silence whispers
Father shines
Son sleeps
 
A quote that I ran across awhile back:

"Man is his own star, and the soul that can
Render an honest and perfect man,
Commands all light, all influence, all fate.
Nothing to him falls early or too late.
Our acts our angels are, or good or ill.
Our fatal shadows that walk by us still."
- Beaument Fletcher, 'Honest Man's Fortune'
 
Some stuff about me.

I weigh 188 pounds and have hazel eyes. Usually wear glasses, but have, uhm, misplaced them. Other stuff can be found on my profile page.

Previously known as Isimud and TNP member since 2007.

A story I'll share. Some weeks ago I was walking down the street in my adoptive hometown. As I walked I found a playing card laying facedown. I picked it up and found that it was my favorite card, the ace of spades. I dropped it and continued on. A couple of blocks down I found another playing card. Also facedown. I stooped to pick it up and, just before I touched it it came to me that it was the 9 of spades. I picked it up and so it was. That card now resides in my wallet.
Weirdness, though I don't consider it such, like this happens to me with a fair degree of frequency. The above event is unique in my experience, but other such do occur. Things like this have been happening to me for some months now. They didn't happen prior to that.
I'm starting to think that I'm psychic to some degree. It runs in my mother's my side of the family. Many things happen that, so far as I can tell, don't have a word to describe them. It's intriguing and, I find, one of the things that makes life worth living.
 
Me on a Satyrday:

aq9UUWu.jpg
 
People call me 'sir' all the time and I don't know why. It's mildly disconcerting. Perhaps it's my age or it's because I give respect and get it in return. I dunno, but neither answer feels quite right.
 
Early this morning I awoke feeling a profound sense of amusement. I no longer recall why, though it made sense at the time.
 
Simplicity

A still pool at dusk.
Smoke swirling gently in air.
A calm mind.
A soft voice.
A gentle touch.
The sound of rain.
Ocean waves tasting my feet.
The light of the moon.
A crisp pre-dawn morning.
Autumn leaves.

These things make life worth living.
​
 
Music is life.


Quotes that I like:

"Man is his own star, and the soul that can
Render an honest, and a perfect man
Commands all light, all influence, all fate,
Nothing to him falls early or too late.
Our acts our Angels are, or good, or ill,
Our fatal shadows that walk by us still..."

"And Death, at longest but another night."

-John Beaument, 'An Honest Man's Fortune'
 
Random stuff:

When I brush my teeth I drool toothpaste everywhere.

I stare fixedly at objects, often, with not a single thought going through my mind.

I've been told that I've got superhuman healing. I do know that I heal rapidly, if not quite Wolverine level, and very rarely get sick.
I once, at the bottom of a pile of security folks, was injected with something that I distinctly heard one of them say, "That would have killed me."

I'm rarely lonely, regardless of how much time I spend alone.

I once accidently set a plane on fire. Carelessness.

I once got stuck on a small cliff and had to be rescued by helicopter. If I hadn't had my wife waiting below I'd have died through sheer pride.

I'm schizoaffective. It's given me an interesting life.

I love life.

Hummingbirds have finally come to feed at their feeder. Yay.

Do crows prefer rotting meat? I know that they like eyes. Maybe just peaceful meat.

I've met some very interesting...'people', for lack of a better word, though they're that too.

I'm as much pagan as Christian, though I don't worship any particular gods. I do offer a, very brief "thank you," prayer to the Father and Mother most predawn mornings.

I believe that I fill an important purpose. One that I'm still trying to grasp.

I often talk to people that others do not. They're, usually, pleasantly surprised...especially if I share a cigarette with them. Many homeless are smokers I've learned.

I like madness, though that isn't the right word, in both myself and others.

I smoke too much, but have few other vices. I'm able to give it up when I set my mind to it.

I give everyone one chance. Sometimes more, if warranted.

I've learned not to view surfaces alone.

I've glimpsed infinity.

I've been in love. Once.

I recently retook a personality test. Apparently I'm an ENFJ-A. Significantly different from the first time that I took it, some years ago.

Ray Bradbury was the one that first invoked the emotion of melancholy in me. I was about 10. Sadly, I don't remember the particular story.

I have hope for the future, but do despair for what humanity does at times and believe that we'll destroy the world if someone doesn't step up to the plate soon.

I believe terrorism is an essential response.

I'd personally kill humanity rather than see life on this world die, despite what I type below.

I can cry at the drop of a hat, usually in response to hope. Sometimes for no reason that I can discern, but has nothing to do with personal problems.

I try to be a good person and, often, see my own flaws.

I believe in personal honor.

I often gift personal possessions, including money, to people that I do not know. It's almost instinctive to me. A mystery to me.

I believe that life is a prayer.


Edit: gave the above some further thought. It was pretty much spontaneously written.​
 
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Intriguing, but annoying:

I was just listening to this song for the first time (overhead on someone else's mp3 or whatever.)


"The Pot" by Tool.

Who are you to wave your finger?
You must have been out your head
Eye hole deep in muddy waters
You practically raised the dead

Rob the grave to snow the cradle
Then burn the evidence down
Soapbox, house of cards, and glass
So don't go tossin' your stones around

You must have been high
You must have been high
You must have been

Foot in mouth, and head up ass
So what you talkin' 'bout?
Difficult to dance 'round this one
Till you pull it out, boy

You must have been so high
You must have been so high

Steal, burrow, reefer
Save your shady inference
Kangaroo done hung the juror with the innocent

Now you're weeping shades of cozen indigo
Got lemon juice up in your eye
When you pissed all over my black kettle
You must have been high, high
You must have been high, high

Who are you to wave your finger?
So full of it
Eyeballs deep in muddy waters
Fucking hypocrite

Liar, lawyer, mirror show me
What's the difference?
Kangaroo done hung the guilty with the innocent

Now you're weeping shades of cozen indigo
Got lemon juice up in your eye, eye
When you pissed all over my black kettle
You must have been

So who are you to wave your finger?
Who are you to wave your fat fingers at me?
You must have been out your mind

Weeping shades of indigo
Trapped without a reason
Weeping shades of indigo

Liar, lawyer, mirror for you
What's the difference?
Kangaroo be stoned
He's guilty as the government

Now you're weeping shades of cozen indigo
Got lemon juice up in your eye, eye
When you pissed all over my black kettle

You must have been high, high, high, high

Eyeballs deep in bloody waters
You're balls deep in muddy waters
Ganja? Please!
You must have been out your mind


I could've sworn that it was about God. I distinctly heard the word "God" several times...I really don't need this kind of browbeating. From Anyone, thank you very much.


Edit: I was wrong, of course. Thank you, Father.
 
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https://imgur.com/Iqh7Seg


The ocean tasted my feet one beautiful moonlight night.


Edit: Thank you, Mother.

Edit 2: It occurs to me that true parasites are a perfect example of the 0-sum game.
 
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While I may have to reluctantly agree with the wall, I think that this is a good thing. For a time.

Donald J. Trump‏Verified account @realDonaldTrump Jan 27
58,000 non-citizens voted in Texas, with 95,000 non-citizens registered to vote. These numbers are just the tip of the iceberg. All over the country, especially in California, voter fraud is rampant.

Edited after a bit of reflection.
 
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Theme for the Day: Gifts

A few days ago I was enjoying the sun in the backyard. I was watching the sparrows at play; dancing, them. Messengers, those. I loved them. A hummingbird flew up to check me out. Child of Huitzilopochtli. An owl hooted, first that I've heard in the month that I've been here. Sleepy wisdom, him. A crow croaked as he winged by. Carrier of souls, that one.

The Mother had spoken.


istock_000023765401_small.jpg
 
Many years ago, when I was 7 or 8, my father took us to a Nevada state park located in a desert location called Icthyosaur.
Among other things, including a small piece of flint with a seemingly glowing bit of translucent purple rock, I found a reddish brown stone with a number of tiny fossilized white sea creatures. Impressed in the stone was a minute and perfectly formed human footprint. I tried to show this to both my father and a park ranger, but neither could see it. It was no more than 3" long and a sixteenth of an inch deep, if that, yet I could clearly discern its shape both by touch and when holding it at an angle to the sunlight.

I kept that memento of my trip for many years before I lost it, but never showed it to another person. It's just as well. Such things are not long meant for this world. Too much perfection.

As an aside, as I was typing the above paragraph, this mobile's word suggestion software briefly flashed the word "brother" before I'd typed even the second word of one of the sentences...when there should have been no suggestions at all.

'Tis a mystery.


Edit: added a missing word.
 
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As an addendum to the above:

Some months ago I met a youngish man in his early 30s.
His given names, and mine, are unimportant, but had nothing to do with the following, brief, conversation.

As I walked up to him I saw a handsome man with dark hair whom I'd never seen before and asked, "Raphael?"
He said, "Yes."
I responded, "I'm Gabriel."

Neither of us smiled, but we hit it off from there.

Platonically. grin

Michael is here, as well.

We love you.

Make of that what you will.
 
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Cool, if disturbing, stuff:
"The third law states that any system simple enough to be understandable will not be complicated enough to behave intelligently, while any system complicated enough to behave intelligently will be too complicated to understand."

Herro, ISAAC. See you soonish, I hope.

Edit: Love you, too, of course. How's the newish soul hanging?
 
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My hair is standing on end and I feel maaaaaaaavelous.

There. The important post for the day.
 
An interesting odds calculation.

Using 3 data points I determined that the probability of my finding an unknown playing card, laying face down, and knowing what card it was prior to picking it up was 1 in 738,473,216.

Yet somehow I did and somehow I knew.

Strange.

Edit: minor miscalculation. Ahem. The probability is actually 1 in 262,701.
 
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A couple of nights ago I was sitting outside and saw 2 interesting lights. One was what appeared to be a normal that, after a few seconds, turned off its lights, but remained dimly visible despite full darkness. It moved oddly about the sky appearing and disappearing. The second light was much more interesting. It appeared much lower in altitude than the first and was @5 times brighter than Venus. It moved very slowly about the the southern sky, but was no more than a couple of miles away with no accompanying noise. It may've been a helicoptor, but it should've been audible at that distance and any searchlight would've been moving to some degree, unless it was aimed in my direction to no useful purpose.

Shrug. Dunno, though someone saw them as well.


Edit: verified this today. A helicopter was still audible 2-3 miles away.
 
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Some months ago, I was messing around with a shared computer in my apartment complex and I met a guy, call him Fred, who was actually the demon Legion.

We got to talking and I looked up the address of the CIA for him.

After a few meetings he passed the torch to me and said, "Never again!"

Then he said, "Let it burn!"

I liked him.


Edit: he was lonely and asked me, "Do you know any Big Ones about age 50?"

I answered: "No."

He is a gestalt entity, or at least was.
 
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Another story.

About 7.666... years ago I fell asleep for 4 weeks and Awoke ravenous for water, unaware that I was hungry, drank thirstily from the faucet and went back to bed without feeding my cat, who, for reasons unknown, chose not to eat me, her water and food virtually untouched. In my fridge the food was untouched, less one TV dinner, in the microwave, that was fly-blown and busily rotting. My bed had been soiled, a liquid shit stain on the floor, my toilet plugged, my wallets' contents, and keychain, scattered up against one wall and beneath the bed and, after satiating my thirst in less than 20 seconds, directly from the faucet, I went back to bed for another week and awoke the second time utterly incapable of writing a check, dialing a phone number, work the coffee pot or computer for a full day, and my front door, and security door, locked, each requiring different keys, and no one else, apartment manager and maintenance man notwithstanding, possessing copies of the keys.

The same happened another 3 times: one event lasing 3 weeks, likewise food and water untouched, nothing in the microwave this time, and the second 2 weeks and the third 1 week and each time, due to dehydration, it was 3-5 days before I could properly swallow.

I called my doctors after the fact, and, somewhat concerned, and they, after expressing some initial concern, didn't seem too worried.

I suspect a macroscopic quantum event that encompassed myself, my cat-familiar Esperanza, my apartment and, save for those times that I, and my cat, awoke thirsty and ravenous, thus collapsing the wave functions.

All this occurred over the span of 6 months.

I dearly love that cat, and miss her greatly, though I Esperanza, that she now has a good home.

Talk at ya later.

Much love,

Isimud
 
I learned a dice game in County, involving 6 dice and a variable number of points awarded depending on what you roll.

The game is called 10,000, the maximum number of points that you can roll.

I rolled the max number on my ~20th game. ]...actually the 23rd per my brother the archangel Michael.

Huggles Mike.

One of the guys that I played with said that he'd neither seen nor heard of such a score.

The odds of my getting that roll were 3.572×10EE-6.
 
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9 months ago I was in the hospital with broken feet. The first night that I was there the Teacher, but not all-knowing, unlike the Christ, an archetype, I believe, said, "Computer?" and I told him that such was an old story by Isaac Asimov called, I beleve, "The Final Computer." Later that night he came to me, accompanied by 4 or 5 others, softly backlit by the corridor light, all unknown to me, and asked, "Are you ready?" I stood, painfully, and, bursting into tears from fear, I said "No." He had meant, "Are you ready to die?," and I was not. He then said, "It's the long hard road (for you)" and that I would regain my old strength, though who he knew me to be I did not know at the time, though it occurs to me, only now, that he may've meant a Biblical figure, possibly David, Solomon or Moses. I have no memories of such.

On a lighter note.

The Teacher drew me a drawing, of me as purest smiling, and tearful, madness, with 4 symbols on it representing my past. The 5th symbol, which took me a few weeks to understand, was that of a wooden wand representing me as sorcerer and witch, the latter running in my mother's side of the family. After comprehending the sketch I destroyed it, a thought later verified by a, mostly-normal, neighbor when I mentioned it to them.

Aside from the Teacher, I also met the Buddha, as well as, later, the Laughing Buddha. During our first meeting I had to speak loudly and firmly to the Buddha, reminding him to be mindful.

It was most amusing.

He just called me an anus here on my mobile. He's annoyed with me.

The Teacher also told me that I would create a painting called "Shadows on the Wall."

I believe that I'll fulfill that particular foretelling/memory.

Edit 1 and 2: stuff.
 
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